Things I Shouldn't Have Done

two.

Ryker Blaze

At the end of a long day, I sit behind the wheel of my car and look out the window as everything inside me calms down.

Madison's house fades into the rearview mirror as I drive away. Different thoughts are running through my head, and my heart is beating faster than usual.

I can't help but feel guilty about it all. The truth is that I'm starting to hate Madison and I want to pay her back for everything. But not like this...Not with Kyle. The girl she grew up with.

I know they have known each other for a long time and are very close and I was sorry to ruin their friendship. But my mind doesn't seem to have grasped the idea: flirt with some girl just to get revenge on Maddy.

After I found out that Madison cheated on me this spring, I only forgave her because I felt that everyone deserves a second chance. I wish I had cheated on her too under the circumstances for her. At least that's what she says.

Although I forgave her and continued to be with her, I could not come to terms with the fact that I had been cheated on. That's a huge shame. Basically, that fact was starting to eat away at me and I knew I wasn't going to rest until I got her back.

I was planning to go to a party, get drunk, and play with some of the buffoons that are offered for a penny. But not to indirectly seduce Kyla.

How could I possibly feel anything for someone who was...so different from Maddy.

Honestly, I don't have any feelings for her, but definitely some things from tonight will remain sealed in my brain.

The way her long hair was falling down her back, while she was wearing my shirt and then that open top...

And of course the moment when I pushed her tiny body into the water. So he almost killed. Like, I don't normally do that with girls?

I've known Kyla for almost a year since Madison. Until Maddy and I were officially together, it annoyed me that she kept bringing her around. I wanted to be alone with her, not some short girl.

But then after a while I realized that Kyla could talk. And I liked her! Not in a Maddy way but I loved some of the stupid things she could say because it was so funny.

She acted childish but in a sweet way. That's why Madison always teased her that she was our child. She has a lot of friends, but I know Ky is the only real one. Who wants the best for her.
That's why it's better that next time, when I'm with her, no- when she's with me and Maddy, that I ignore her. So that neither of us gets the wrong impression. 

The fence sensor opens as soon as my black Mercedes approaches. I park it in the garage next to my dad's car collection. My car looks ridiculous against these.

After that I enter through the back entrance and tiptoe to the stairs.

I know this is ridiculous because I am of age, but I don't want to listen to my father's sermons again that I am not doing anything useful in my life and that I am living at the expense of him and my mother.

However, when your father is Stephen Blaze, who directed one of the most watched films, you also have to do something useful and different so that you are not labeled in the public as a nepo baby who never had to work hard for anything.

That's how I've been marked because I'm not particularly gifted at something that will make me a lot of money.

But I also have a passion: boxing. And the gym, of course.

I would like to open my gym to celebrities from L.A. But my father finds it hilarious and how acting is the only way to get rich here.

I hate the fact that he's famous because everyone pretty much looks at me through it. Madison keeps urging me to ask him to get her a role.

I used to think that Kyla was one of those people who didn't care whose son I was, but after that comment about the movie, I realized that it was the opposite. Nevermind. It doesn't matter her or anyone else's opinion.

I know who I am and that I am much more than the son of the most famous and successful directors.

Instead of going to my room, I go to my gym. I'm putting on my boxing gloves and I'm getting ready to dust myself on the sack.

The first thought that crosses my mind is Kyla. How is it possible that her comment about the film and everything else affected me so much? I should care about that, but I kind of care about her opinion.

Why? Is it because she reminds me of Maddy, or is it something else?

I do not understand.

I hit the bag hard, feeling the pain in my fists, but it doesn't calm me down. Maybe that's why I reacted so coldly to her tonight. Because it annoys me that it annoys me. I realize that I'm actually struggling with guilt for not giving her more attention or at least a more normal conversation.

Why is everything so fucking complicated?

My mind jumps from topic to topic. My thoughts are about my father's career, about Madison, about my father, about the gym I want to open. All this creates chaos in my head, as if I am fighting my own internal storms.

I hit the bag again, this time with more force, trying to get the frustration out of me. But instead of calming down, I feel even more tense.

It's as if every blow is an attempt to free myself from everything that is pressing on me, but at the same time I seem to get more and more entangled in my own thoughts.

I think about my future, about my goals, about who I really am regardless of my father's fame. Will I ever find my way, or will I forever be someone else's shadow? These are the questions that haunt me as I hit the sack, feeling my muscles tense with the effort.

I stop for a moment, gasping for air. All this confusion, fear, anger - all this is present in my movements, in my punches.

But in that moment, while I'm there, I feel alive. I feel like this place, this gym, provides the only safety and control I can feel right now.

I continue boxing, not thinking about anything else. I just feel the rhythm of my heart, the sound of the sack hitting, the sweat pouring down my face.

That's it. That's the moment when I feel good. That's all I need.