Nerds Are Lovable

43: Nerds Are Lovable

This is a bad idea. This is a dumb idea. This is the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life, and I've done a lot of stupid things in my life.

"Fuck, okay, remind me again why I'm going through with this terrible idea?" I ask Emma, who's currently driving.

"Because you love him and he loves you."

"He does love me, doesn't he," I sigh and lean back into the passenger seat.

"I suck for not saying it back," I mention, anger flooding through me, "I'm so fucking idiotic sometimes. Worse, I'm an asshole."

"Haley, it's gonna be okay."

"Yeah, except I was gaping like a fish out of water."

After Jayden had told me he loved me, no, that he was in love with me, I just sat there. Like the goddamn dumb cow I am, I just sat there. I didn't know what to say, well no, I knew what i wanted to say, I just couldn't get the three little words out. And by the time I had built up the courage to say them back, Jaxon was knocking on Jayden's window asking what was taking so long and hoping that we weren't half naked.

We were the furthest from half naked, actually.

Dinner was only slightly awkward thanks to the playful banter Jaxon brought with him and Emma never knew a silence she couldn't fill. And of course, I was driving back with Emma, who was staying the night and Jaxon and Jayden were going to the same place.

We hadn't talked since.

Okay, maybe that was last night.

"I talked to Jaxon last night. He said he seemed a little sad, but he's been feeling sad," She tries to reassure me but it doesn't quite work, "He just went straight to bed after dinner."

"This better work," I mutter mostly to myself, "Fuck, I should have told him I love him back. Fuck, because I do Emma. Fuck, I've been in love with him."

"Maybe if you say fuck one more time, everything will just magically disappear."

"Shut up," I grumble, crossing my arms in front of my chest in a childish pout.

"Have you thought about what you're gonna say?" She asks me to keep the conversation going.

"The plan is to wing it, like I always do."

"Right," Emma drags, "Cause your charm has worked so well before."

"It'll work," I say in faux confidence, hoping it'll bring some real confidence with it, "It has to."

"Okay," Emma says as she parks the car in the giant driveway, "Good luck. Text me when you're done."

I wave bye and say a quick 'thanks' before walking up to the grand entrance.

Fuck. Okay. Here goes nothing.

Waiting. Waiting for someone to answer the door after I rang the doorbell is excruciating. How long can it possibly take?

Finally, the door swings open and I'm greeted with something that maybe at one point was a smile, before she realized who was at the door.

"Mrs. Monroe, hi," I smile, trying my absolute hardest to be on my best behavior, "I was hoping we could have a chat."

She's about to close the door when I speak up again, putting my hand on the door to stop her from closing it further, "I'm here on my own accord, Jayden doesn't know I'm here."

"How is he?" She asks, the door creaking open as she lets go of it.

"Tired," I tell her honestly, "He's been staying with Jaxon Phillips."