SHADOWLESS |seongjoong|

#14#

Seonghwa:

Everything happened because of me. It was my fault. They got hurt because of me by me. I hurt Wooyoung. I hurt Beomjoong. And I hurt him, Hongjoong. Now, I could only watch him from the distance and wait for him to wake up. It was killing me. I wanted to do the same as San. I wanted to hold Hongjoong in my hands while waiting. But I couldn't. I couldn't do it. It would be too dangerous. What if my powers acted up again and worsened his condition? I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I hurt him more. It was all my fault. I had to stay away. I couldn't get close. It was my fault and no one else.

Hongjoong:

Ugh, my head was killing me. What had happened? I stood up, looking around. I was starting to remember. Wait! Where was Seonghwa? I feverishly searched the room. Seonghwa sat curled up in the corner. He sat down, hugging his knees. I could see the dried-up tears staining his cheeks. I tried to stand up. At first, it was difficult to walk. Each of my steps was wobbly. I tried to squat beside Seonghwa, yet I dropped on my butt. Then, I reached my hand towards him, but Hwa pulled away from me. His whole body was trembling, and I could see the fear in his eyes. Was Seonghwa afraid of me? Or was he afraid of himself? It was hard to tell.

Before I could ask him what was wrong, I felt a pair of hands on my shoulders. The hands I knew ever since I was a reaper. Yunho. My best friend helped me to stand up. After, Yuyu led me back to the sofa. I silently observed my best friend as he did a quick check-up on me. I couldn't care less about my condition. The only thing I wanted was to be by Seonghwa's side. I wanted to take him in my arms and tell him everything would be alright. It hurt me so much seeing him like that. Hwa was probably blaming himself for everything that happened. But the truth was I was the one to blame. If I had protected Seonghwa better, none of this would have happened.

"Wooyoung-ah," San's voice broke the silence.

All of us turned to look at our younger brother. Wooyoung came back, too. The only one left was my hyung. Yet, he was showing no signs of waking up. We couldn't do much but wait for him. After all, we were too weak to use our powers on him. Not to mention, the purpose of my powers is to take away life, not to give it back. Ah, all of this was driving me crazy.

"Yunho, what's going on?" Wooyoung asked.

Yunho took a deep breath before explaining everything to us. I already knew most of it. Yunho added some details I didn't know about. In his words, Beomjoong was having a tough battle. Ah, such a mess. I was getting angry. Nothing was normal. My brother could die, Wooyoung was hurt, and Seonghwa couldn't even look at me. I wanted to scream or break something.

"Joong, what hurt you like that?" Yunho asked me, pointing towards my wounds.

"I got attacked," I answered.

Ah, that was one more thing angry at me. If it wasn't for that surprising attack, nothing would have happened. If it wasn't for that, I could be by Seonghwa's side and avoid everything. Only if I was more careful and avoided the trap set for me. We got set up. Those disgusting creatures knew about Seonghwa's state. They wanted to bring him out and take over his body. And I was stupid enough to fall into that trap.

"Joong, I know it would be difficult in this state, but we need to move from here," Yunho spoke, breaking my thoughts. "Can you provide our safety?"

"Sure," I answered.

Soon after, we worked out a system for action. Mingi and San carried Beomjoong. I and Yeosang led the way, and Wooyoung was at the back. Seonghwa was in the middle between Yunho and Jongho. It was tough to convince Seonghwa to move. He was too scared to get closer to any of us reapers. Somehow, we managed to leave quickly.

...

We settled in Choi's home since it was the largest house we could use. The boys brought my brother to one of the guests' rooms. I went with them to check on my brother before returning to the living room. There, I saw Yeosang and Jongho leaving the room. I asked them where they were going. Both of them were going to Jongho's room to take some rest. I could understand it. It was a difficult night for all of us. The same went with San and Wooyoung. I tried to find Seonghwa. He was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he went to his room?

I raised my hand, knocking on Seonghwa's door. There was no answer on the other side. I tried again. And again, no answer. Then, I tried to open the door, but Hwa had locked it. I had no other choice but to walk through the door. I reached my hand first to warn Seonghwa if he was awake. The moment I did, I heard his voice.

"Don't come in! Go away!" Seonghwa yelled at me. I could tell he was crying.

"Seonghwa, please," I begged him.

"Leave me alone," Hwa said. "Please, Hongjoong-ah. I don't want to hurt you again. I will die if something happens to you."

"Okay," I agreed in the end. I knew how scared Hwa was. "But I'll be staying by the door."

Seonghwa:

Once Hongjoong agreed to stay outside, I took some sleeping pills. I couldn't stay awake. It was hurting me too much. Maybe I could escape the harsh reality in my dreams. Perhaps I could catch some rest even if I didn't deserve it.

Even in my sleep, I couldn't catch a break. The only thing I wanted was a dreamless sleep. Instead, I was dreaming about that place of disaster. My dream took place on a warm summer day. I sat on the porch watching the chirping birds. Everything was peaceful, but I couldn't relax. A second later, I heard a man's voice. He was calling someone's name. He was calling Kim Beomjoong. My viewpoint turned towards the source of that voice. It was a tall, handsome man. He appeared to be in his late 20s or early 30s. The man was oddly familiar. I took a better look at his face. Somehow, he resembled me. And there was a child in his hands. The man shortened the distance, blink later, he was sitting beside me. Now, he sat beside Beomjoong.

"What brings you here, shaman Park?" I heard Beomjoong's voice.

"Seonghwa wanted to see his uncle," the man laughed. He said my name.

My vision turned towards the small child playing in front of us. Was that me? Little Seonghwa smiled at me. Then, he pulled on my pants. I, or rather Beomjoong, reached into his pocket. Out of it, we pulled out a piece of candy and gave it to little Seonghwa. Both men continued continued their conversation while watching me play. Their conversation was somehow trivial, but I enjoyed it. For some reason, that man's voice was familiar and shooting. I wish I could take a better look at his face, but Beomjoong's vision fixated on little me.

Little Seonghwa was playing with some stones he had found on the ground. As I watched my younger self, I noticed something. Little me was making most of the stone levitate. I was no older than a year and a half. And I could do such a thing. It was amazing. I switched my viewpoint again. Beomjoong and Shaman Park took their eyes off little Seonghwa for no longer than a couple of seconds. But it was long enough. We heard a loud cry and turned to little Seonghwa right away.

"Appaaaa," little me cried.

The mad picked little me right away. The man looked at his son. Beomjoong did, too. There was a cut on little Seonghwa's hand. My father saw it, too. He took the baby's hand in his and started chanting. I recognized those words as a healing chant. It was confirmed when the small cut healed up right away.

I didn't want it to end. I needed to keep on living in that dream. Thanks to that dream, I could see the face of my father, and hear his voice again. But everything had an end. I woke up to find myself in my room.

Once I woke up, I realized what had happened. I was seeing Beomjoong's memories. It gave me mixed feelings. I was happy since I could see my father again, but knowing the price was a heavy burden.

"I'm sorry, uncle. I'm really sorry," I mumbled. Before taking more pills. I needed to see more of my father.