SHADOWLESS |seongjoong|

#16#

Beomjoong:

I had long accepted my destiny. But it was harder for my brother. He couldn't believe how calm I was about turning into a human. And I could only thank Seonghwa for this gift. I was no longer a prisoner of that shrine. I could live my life. There was nothing better than that. There were so many things I wanted to try and do. Finally, freedom! This blessing would allow me to explore the world and be by Hongjoong's side. I could wish for nothing more.

At some point, Yunho allowed me to leave the bed. I didn't waste a second before leaving the bed. I wanted to look around the new place I was at. And I took a walk around. It was so different from my prison. The house was big and bright, with many photos and art pieces. It felt like a warm home, something I had missed. Something, I could only see in my scroll. Now, I can see it in person, sense the scent of home, and touch everything. It made me want to cry.

"Hyung," someone called me.

I turned to see a familiar smiling face. It was Choi San, but I could swear it was his father I was seeing. This boy was the split image of his father, from the shape of his face to the dimples. I went to him. San then led me towards the kitchen, where were everyone. They sat at the table, waiting for me. None of them was eating, not before I joined them. The moment I sat down, they gave me a bowl of warm porridge. But I wanted that foreign food everyone else had. I had only read about it. It was called fried chicken and pizza. I wanted to try it. I could smell how delicious it was and how good it looked.

"Here you go, hyung," Choi Jongho said, sliding a plate with food towards me. He knew I wanted to try the new food.

"Thank you, Jongho," I responded.

At first, I ate a bit of porridge to check if my stomach could endure it. Once, I was sure, the food in front of me was inhaled. I couldn't believe how tasty it was. I was eating more and more, but it wasn't enough. I wanted more. It was too good to be true.

"I didn't know you were that hungry, hyung," Hongjoong giggled. "Have some more."

My little brother gave me his share of food. I wanted to scold him for not eating, but the food was too good. I couldn't take it.

...

After we ate, all of us sat in the living room. All of them got curious about me. They were asking me all different questions. Wooyoung and Yunho were asking me about my brother. San and Jongho asked about their parents. Yeosang was also curious about the Choi family. As for my brother, Seonghwa and Mingi, they were a little calmer. I knew that Seonghwa wanted to ask me about his family, but he was holding back. It was alright. He could ask me whenever he wanted.

It took some time to answer their question. To be honest, they had more to ask, but I was getting tired. So I excused myself and went to my current room. There, Seonghwa and Hongjoong followed me. Both of them asked me to come in.

"Hyung, I know you are tired, but we need to talk about something important," Hong stated.

"What is it, Pokjoong?" I smiled at him.

"It's about your living situation from now on. Will you live with me?"

"No," I answered.

"Why?"

"Because, my dear brother, you are not home most of the time. I know how much you work, and I don't want to stay alone in your home," I answered him.

Even if Hongjoong didn't like my rejection, he couldn't deny what I said. He let out a little sigh, then turned towards Seonghwa. I could take the hint. Seonghwa was the next.

"Then, hyung, would you like to stay here, with me and my brothers?" Seonghwa asked me.

"Honestly, I need to think about it. I'll give you my answer some other time, okay?"

Both of them had a disappointed look but agreed and left my current room. I knew there weren't many options for my housing situation. But my heart felt heavy while watching Seonghwa. I had caused him so much misfortune and hardships. And my guilt wasn't ready to let me rest. Not to mention, this was the house of a good friend of mine. His biological children were copies of him and his late wife. Just looking at San was bringing me all those memories of my dear friend. And looking at Jongho brings the bittersweet memories of the woman I had met only once before she passed away. It was complicated.

Seonghwa:

"I guess we should go back to pick up my stuff," I mumbled to Hongjoong.

"Yeah, I guess so," he responded.

I felt sad about leaving our place to return home. I knew there was no reason to stay at his apartment after I regained my powers, yet inside of me, I knew I wanted to live together. Our time together taught me what kind of a person he was. Hongjoong was a kind soul, a hard-working person, a good listener, and someone capable of comforting and taking care of anyone else but himself. I wanted to stay by his side and be the person he leans on. Because he could do so much for others. Yet, I couldn't ask the same of them, in return. Underneath the facade of cold and calculated grim reaper was hiding a gentle and caring soul. And I had to admit it. I had fallen for him. The real him, the side of him no one truly knew.

As we entered the familiar apartment, my heart felt heavy in my chest. The realization came crashing at me. I had to leave Hongjoong's home. I had to leave Hongjoong. It hurt me. I only wanted to stay by his side. So when we walked to my temporary room, I wanted to cry. Yet, I held back my tears and smiled at Hongjoong. We proceeded to collect my stuff. There wasn't much to take, mainly some clothes and personal care products. It took us only a short time to get everything. Then, we decided to have one last cup of coffee as roommates.

Hongjoong sat beside me on the sofa, holding his cup of coffee. Neither of us wanted to take the first sip. That sip would mean we had to finish up at some point and leave. I had to brace myself and take the first sip. My eyes were lingering towards Hongjoong. I couldn't take my eyes away from him. I didn't want to look away from him. I wanted to stay in that moment as long as possible. The pain in my chest grew stronger. I had to do something, even if it was a small gesture. So, I put my cup on the table and moved closer to Hongjoong. A moment later, my head was resting on his shoulder. My move startled him at first, yet he remained unmoved. Hongjoong allowed me to rest on his shoulder.

Hongjoong:

I could barely stand the heavy silence between us. I just wanted to hear Seonghwa's sweet voice over and over. Instead, I was listening to my own heart. The beating of my heart was so loud it could break the silence. I could only pray Seonghwa couldn't hear it. I was afraid he would get scared if he knew how much my heart was fluttering for him. I was scared of it. But I had to do something because I couldn't let Seonghwa leave.

It was difficult for me to act up, yet I had to. So I pulled away from Seonghwa to look him in the eyes. He was looking at me in confusion. There was no time to waste. I took his face in my hands and pressed our lips together. It caught Seonghwa by surprise, but he didn't pull away from me. Seonghwa returned the kiss.