My Brother.

Chapter 5. Tuesday

After a boresome day at school whats worse than to come home to a drunk mum? Coming home to a sober mum on a foodie health cleanse.

Mum is throwing out tubs,tins, and packets of food items into black trash bags. A bag is already full by the time i've hung up my bag. "Mum what are you doing?" I frown watching her throw away the only nice cereal in the house. "The family is going on a health cleanse,im getting rid of all the junk,sugary,fatty foods", I look in the cupboards shes emptying, looks like were an ingredients household now,ugh. Mum walks over to the freezer now and stares at the ingredients list behind every item before either placing it back or throwing it into the bin. "Not the pizza!" I moan as she tosses pizza into the bag, She shoots me a lecture with her eyes.

This isn't the first time mum has done this, every few months she decides its time for a 'health cleanse' and goes on a diet, so every few months we lose a load of money when mum throws out bread and anything her magazine fitness influencers have deemed 'bad' or unhealthy that month. We get a load of boring oatmeal,porridge and fish during these times but also yummy vegan meals and I do like mums carrot and hummus dip she makes during the health cleanse. "Ugh is mum on another health cleanse?" Eli moans as he walks in, I nod and roll my eyes "about a month of this" I mutter under my breath as I walk out.

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Im in my room and video chatting with Clara who's painting her nails a glittery pink "so yeah,now were all on a food lockdown for a month" I laugh, "well I can sneak you some yummier snacks during lunch" I see her wink on the video call "thanks" we speak some more,about the musical rehearsals and the new guy Jessie and then Clara asks if I've used my art kit she gave me for anything yet. "not yet,but I'll doodle tonight,thank you again".

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My dad yells me for dinner and as I come downstairs and go to the dinner table I worry about whats been cooked up with whats left in the house. Sitting at the table with a steaming stew I want to ask mum whats in this but I can see she feels dissapointed by her creation from her face so instead I say "thank you, it smells good" and smile. Dad is sat next to me and looks hungry as he reluctantly swallows spoonfulls of the smelly stew. I swallow up my stew and its not too bad despite the look. Eli is sat opposite me and his face looks disgusted as he lifts his spoon, "mum can I just go out to eat?" he mopes and mum looks dissapointed and irritated as she shakes her head "we are ALL on this healthy new diet,no exceptions,see Ellie gets it,she wants to be slimmer" I look up a little offended by my mum words, is she saying im too big? Eli looks to me confused then back at mum defeated and starts slurping his stew. After I finished I leave the table, my hand is still healing so I haven't been able to join the afterschool netball club yet but Im not having to wash up so I guess there's perks?

After dinner I get some homework done,rehearse some lines for the part of the wizard of oz I plan to audition for,the lion. I want to be brave,bold and courageous like the lion but I'm just not there,but perhaps if I audition for it and if I get the part I can act like the lion and become braver, Jessie said the lion will have the most dancing too and I'd much rather that than the singing scarecrow. After rehearsing some lines in my room I start getting ready for bed.
I grab my soft pink pj's from the closet and set them on my bed, I undo my jeans and throw off my t-shirt into the laundry basket in my room. Then just as I go to dress into my pj's I hear my door creak, Eli is standing there "Eli,get out! I'm getting dressed" I yell, wrapping my long arms around my pj bottoms and yanking them on quickly to hide myself faster, Eli doesn't leave but instead fixates on my body tracing my curves with his eyes and i feel violated. I quickly pull my pj top over my bra and then cross my arms with annoyance at Eli as he is still stood there staring at me. "What do you want?" Eli walks towards me and hands me a letter "mum told me to give this to you" I take the letter from his hand with a bit of force as he lingers there "okay well you've given it to me now, you can go" I nod as I turn before Eli stops me, I feel his fingers stroke down from my shoulder to my healing hand,I freeze instantly as he grabs my hand with force. "How is your hand feeling? I'm really sorry about what happened you know" I look at him with disgust,he's sorry? Then why did he do it in the first place? His mind is twisted,how can we be related when I'd never do some of the things he does. "My hands fine,thanks" I speak stoically and he pouts at me as he starts making small circles around the injury "I don't mean to hurt you Ellie, I just,I don't always handle my emotions well, but it's only because I care,you know that right?" I feel his eyes piercing my soul with pain,I cant see my brother infront of me, only the hurt he's cause me lately, but maybe I'm overreacting. He does care right, he's apologised alot now, maybe he does care in a distorted way. "You don't handle your emotions well,you need to work on it Eli, I miss my old brother,the one who was there for me when mum and dad would argue,when we were little" I say sincerely to him and try to smile, he looks genuinely defeated,then angry,then sad "I'm always here for you,I've always been here for you" he moves his head towards me in a way I don't quite understand or feel comfortable with so I take a step back and then I see his face screw up into annoyance "why do you keep doing this? Why do you act like your scared of me? I'm your brother!" He wants to shout I can tell and he's being loud but keeping it quiet enough so our parents can't hear. I want to say something to calm him down but my voice is taken away by fear yet again as I just slowly walk back until I hit the wall and Eli rubs his forehead before leaving my room. He left my room,I feel relief as soon as the door closes I was almost sure he was going to lash out just then but no,he actually left. Maybe he actually listened to me just now, I think he really is sorry.

I sit on my bed and open up the letter Eli gave me from Mum, it's from the Dr's about a check up to measure my height,weight and bmi, oh god mum. She hasn't done this before on her health cleanse but looks like she wants to have my weight and bmi done professionally, I roll my eyes as I skim read the long letter,boring.
I do my evening skincare routine,brush my teeth,set a morning alarm and go to bed.
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I've been asleep for a few hours and woken up after feeling a heavy presence next to me,did something fall from the shelf onto my bed? as I slowly wake and become present in the world I notice an arm around my waist and feel a warm body pressed to my back,I instantly panic,who is lying next to me,cottling my like this? My bed is pressed against a wall and I feel trapped in from the otherside as I wriggle out of the arm and then scoot as close to the wall as I can sitting straight up and looking towards the breathing body lying there, it's Eli. He's asleep, how long has he been in my bed for, I shiver thinking about it and he starts to move reacting to my movement "Eli?" I can't tell if he's waking up or still asleep, I think about leaving my room and sleeping downstairs on the couch in the cold but decide now is my chance to be the brave lion. Deep breaths Ellie, I can do this. "Eli, get out my room" I push my hands against his black pj top in hopes of waking him up so he'll hear me and leave. He moves about more and I push him some more,with more force,I notice some desire to punch him,payback for what he did to my hand, I give him a hard shove and he finally wakes up looking at me with sleepy confused eyes "what." He speaks like he is confused as to why I've woken him "get out of my bed,get out of my room" I point to the door still in a contained ball of frightened backed against the wall on the otherside of the bed. Eli looks to the door then to me "go back to sleep Ellie" he moans trying to grab and pull me back to a sleeping position, I pull back and scurry back to the wall, "no,get out!" I stop being quiet,I don't care if my parents hear,this definitely isn't okay,I want eli out of my bed something is wrong here. "Stop shouting" he grits his teeth at me before yanking my arms back and suffocating me with a hand over my mouth and the other pulling me back to lying down, I try to yell at him to leave again but my voice is muffled by his hand and I feel my eyes start to sting as the urge to cry increases. He holds me back and the moves his hand from my mouth to my chest tightening my in a hug like position "shhh,shh, I told you I'd always be there for you,and here I am,it's okay"he whispers in my ear. I feel myself start to cry quiet peeps "don't cry,I didn't mean to startle you, I just wanted to be closer to you,I told you I care about you sis" he wipes the tears from my cheek with his thumb and I can't escape his grip to leave my bed so I continue to sob in defeat, the more he talks about how he cares and wants to be closer to me makes me sob more as I feel my demented brothers breath on the back of my neck trying to justify his actions,and worse of all I think he believed every word he is saying,but I know from the tears pouring out of my body,that something is really wrong here.