Its been around 3 weeks since I hit my head running from Eli in the bathroom. I took up his offer to forget about what happened, with him promising he would leave me alone, and these past few weeks he has kept his promise although at times started to slip away from the deal but he's stopped after i've reminded him. We've all still been training for the marathon except mum who's ankle was sprained for a week and since then shes just given up on her diet and exercising,she's been drinking often again. We now have bread and snacks in the cupboards but I haven't been hungry and when I have been I've been trying not to eat unhealthily, or at all. I've noticed when I don't eat I dont cry as much,I don't think as much and all the painful experiences with my brother don't feel as painful, I just feel numb. I have definitely noticed my energy levels getting lower,when I practice for the music,for the marathon or even just existing at the moment I feel tired alot no matter how much I sleep and I'm definitely slower at keeping up with the other dancers for the musical training and way behind Eli when we're practising our running,but he's always been faster with his track practise and baseball anyways.
The musical is in a few months still, and the marathon in a few weeks,not long at all. I've been going to Jessie's house every other weekend to rehearse with him and I think we've become quite close and now that Eli gives me space I feel I can actually hangout and talk to people more,no more weird jealous spurts from my brother,just some looks which he hides pretty fast when I meet his eyes watching over. Things have just been better since the head injury. Wow,what a weird sentence,never thought I'd say that!
Eli still talks to me and we do our marathon practicse together, mum and dad are clueless still as to how weird he's been,but recently he's been an actually good brother, I still feel uncomfortable around him alot, ofcourse I do. But when mum and dad argue Eli is there for me,like when we were kids,and he's there for me in a brotherly way. And when Eli does start to slip up and make me uncomfortable with words or actions I remind him of our promise and he knows I'm serious and it stops.
Today it's Saturday so again I'm going to Jessie's house to rehearse for the wizard of oz. I'm wearing light purple leggings and a matching sports bra they came together as a workout out set. My hair is in a tight bun and I've spent the morning doing some light face makeup to make myself look less tired as last night I didn't sleep too well,another one of my nightmares that Eli's previous behaviour caused.
It's almost 12:00 and my dad is going to drive me to Jessie's as Jessie loves out of town in a rather rich suburban that would be way too long to walk too from my house and especially hard to get to on the dangerous roads. "So I'm picking you up at 3 Ellie,oh also I packed you some food, you need to keep your strength up for all this dancing!" My dad hands my a packed lunch in the car and I grasp it from his hands grateful but sad thinking about how much I don't want to eat anything. "Thanks dad" I open the car door and wave my dad off before walking up Jessie's driveway and ringing the doorbell.
"Hey ellie! Come in" Jessie answers the door and let me on into his huge home. It smells like cashmere and warm spices linger from the kitchen to my nose. Jessie is dressed in a brown turtle neck and has a tight fitting pair of jeans on,he always wears impractical clothes for the dancing we practice,it makes me laugh a little. "Let's go to the hobby hall" Jessie gestures to a room in his house that he calls the hobby hall, it's a vastly large room with a grand piano,desk with computers, artsy area,and finally a gym like area with large mirrors imprinted on the walls where Jessie likes to checkout his reflection more times than I can count when we rehearsed here last time. "So act 1,let's get to it!" Jessie bluetooths some music to a large speaker and we begin to practise our musical singing,dancing and acting.
"And finni" Jessie takes a bow after saying his final lines and I snigger "okay,good work!".
"So how about some lunch before we practise some of those lines again,I feel I didn't speak like the character you know?" Jessie pretensiously rambles. I nod and pick my pack lunch up, I'm hungry but food doesn't feel necessary, I mean,I can wait longer to eat right? So I should probably just wait... Jessie is already making his way out the hobby hall and guiding me towards his kitchen.
I pull out my phone and look at the time, 2 hours still before dad picks me up so I can't really hold off on eating until he gets here,maybe I can say I'm sick? Jessie and I waltz into the kitchen and he gestures to an empty stall by his kitchen island for me to sit before opening his cupboards and looking for his feast. "Hey Jessie,I'm feeling a little sick so I think I'm gonna skip lunch, is there somewhere I can throw this? Unless you want it?" I already know Jessie will upturn his nose to my food, he tries to act like he not a snub but he totally is,in every way,I mean who even has a hobby hall!
"You feel sick? Do you need..."
I watch his face turn from concern to fear and then shame as he stops dead in his tracks. "Oh Jessie I'm not really sick,just feel a little too sick to eat is all,please don't worry" I try to calm him but there's something else going on his brain as his mind and body slowly engage back into reality. "Sorry Ellie,I just...remembered something." He sighs as he places some animal crackers on a plate and leans against the kitchen island,it's a weird state I haven't seen Jessie in before as his confident,loud,proud self is diminished to a quiet,flattened boy.
We spend the rest of the afternoon rehearsing again but Jessie is more timid and less responsive, when dad comes to pick me up at 3, I leave in a confused state as I wonder what was bothering Jessie.
Once I'm home I have a quick shower,ever shower since I hit my head has been a quick shower as I still have the lingering fear of Eli coming in and things going awry. Then I change into my comfy winter pj's,it's summer at the moment but I find myself getting much colder than usual at the moment. My pj's are fluffy and pink with little stars etched in sliver thread, I do some reading and then head downstairs for the one meal I have to eat today.
"I've cooked Spaghetti tonight,and tiramisu for pudding,your mum's favourite" my dad tells me and Eli at the dinner table then looks over to mum who is laying on the couch looking a little drunk and sad as she watched desperate housewives on the tv. It's cute that dad is trying to cheer her up, and it's sad that she is in such a wallowing mood she doesn't take much notice. "Thank you" I smile at my dad reaching for my fork as he places a plate full of Spaghetti infront of me. Eli nods a thank you in dads direction before looking behind us at mum on the couch "mum's been drinking all day,she's really unhappy,I had her crying on my shoulder earlier in hysterics" Eli whispers to me,he's sat next to me at the table and dad is opposite but I can see from his frustrates expression he can tell Eli is talking about mum. "Really? Mum doesn't seem that drunk? What was she crying about?" I ask Eli, he shakes his head before answering me "you would know if you were here, where have you been by the way?" I shrug and tug at the spaghetti on my plate with my fork. "How was rehearse today Ellie? Do you feel ready for the musical?" Dad asks, perfect timing "yeah it was good,my acting skills could use some work" I laugh a little as I think about how poorly I said my lines at Jessie's house. "Oh you had rehearsals? So...you were at Jessie's,again?" Eli stops eating and turns his whole body in my direction. "Yeah I just did a run through the wizard of oz at Jessie's,so I can be prepared,there's no where else to practice on the weekends" I shrug again and I see dad nod as he stands up and heads towards where mum is laying "practice makes perfect!" He clasps his hands and taps me on the shoulder before he leaves to go greet mum. He's trying to get her to come over for dinner but she's drunkenly moaning,I cant make out what either of them are saying are I peep at them over my shoulder. Suddenly I freeze as Eli jolts my shoulder "Hey!" I yell like a flex.
"Why do you have to go rehearse on the weekends? And why at Jessie's house? Were you even rehearsing?or is it an excuse? Do you fancy him or something?" Eli sounds irritated as he quick fires questions my way, "calm down eli! What's with the 100 questions!" I raise my hands in protest "you fancy him don't you?"
"Chill out! He's just my friend,I definitely do not fancy him" I laugh at the absurdy and then I see it, eli is jealous. Wtf. "You know what though Eli, even if I did fancy him so what? I can date who I want, it has nothing to do with you" I roll my eyes at him and then drop my fork to my spaghetti before going to leave the table, I notice Eli hand going to grab my arm and raise my hands "don't you dare". As I head up the stairs I hear my dad yell "Ellie? You barely touched your spaghetti!" He sounds annoyed but I have to escape to my room right now,I'm not dealing with Eli.
After speaking on call to Clara for a few minutes I hear a polite knock on my door and grab my pillow like a shield, but then my dad enters with an endearing smile spread across his face and I soften my guard feeling safe once again. "Hey ellie,you didn't finish your spaghetti and I thought you might be hungry so here" he hands me a bowl of shiny chocolately tiramisu. "I messed the recipe up a couple of times but eventually made what I think you will think is the best tiramisu,so don't let it go to waste now" his smile is comforting and his tiramisu looks appetising "thank you dad,I'm sorry I couldn't sit downstairs with the family any longer for dinner it's just-" I stop myself from saying anymore,what would I even say! I'm sorry I couldn't stay downstairs and sit at the table with my brother because he makes me uncomfortable as he was getting jealous about me possibly fancying a boy? And oh yeah he went into the shower when I was in there a couple weeks ago and when I tried to run away from him as he was trying to touch me I hit my head and he left me unconscious, uh yeah, I cant really say all that now can I. So I end my sentence to dad with a "it's just I felt quite tired and wanted some alone time" I give him a wide smile and a hug before he leaves my room and I try a few spoonfulls of his tiramisu before deciding I can do without the calories.
YOU ARE READING
My Brother.
Short StoryChapters out at least once a week. A dark story about being abused by twin brother and escaping it. Trigger warning for abuse in this story. This was difficult to go through so please don't read this or continue to read this if it could trigger you.
