My Brother.

Chapter 16: Tell a lie once, and all your truths become questionable.

At the end of the day I head out to the parking lot searching for my dad's car, I notice a run down chevy with my dad already inside looking cross as he waves his hands in frustration at my brother who's sat next to him in the front seat. Eli looks frustrated too as he kicks his feet about on the car floor whilst I jump into the cars back seat. I shake my head at Eli as he snaps his head towards me and then slumps into his seat pulling out his phone "Why did you do that today?!" I yell angrily, my dad gives me a pained look in the rear view mirror as he begins the drive home "what your brother did was violent and NOT how we deal with things, he should never have started it" Dad grunts giving Eli the side eye as he turns a corner on the twirly road "that being said, he was protecting you, even though he went about it the WRONG way" I'm shocked as my dad's irritated voice speaks, how is hurting Jessie protecting me? I don't need protection from Jessie,he's my friend! "I'm glad your okay Ellie, now ofcourse I'm sure you'll be staying away from that vile boy,but if he ever tries anything again you have to tell-" I cut my dad off instantly "try anything?vile?Jessie is the sweetest person I've met!" My anger and confusion echo through loud words and I see my dad's eyes twitch as I shout, "what did you tell him?" I yell to Eli who slowly drapes his face up from his phone and looks over his seat at me. "I told him the truth,that Jessie was lurking all over you at lunch and...that he was touching you inappropriately and-" "WHAT?!" I practically spit out. Eli knew that wasn't true,I could see on his face,through his voice, even he barely had the energy to perform his lie although my dad seemed to snarl his mouth in disgusts and its clear Eli has convinced him.

"Your friend Jessie is lucky Eli didn't tell the principal, he felt bad for what he did to that boys face and decided to say it was a silly dispute,didn't tell me till we were out of that office,but I still think we ought to tell!" Dad speeds up almost as if he is letting out a bit of anger from the cars exhaust. "NO!" Eli interrupts dad " If...uh...if we tell the principal Jessie will be expelled,uh maybe worse, and he won't let me punching him go unnoticed,he might try to press charges for assault! And he has alot of money dad,he would get a good lawyer" Eli tries to penchant up another lie, the real reason he can't do that is that Jessie would deny it and I sure as hell would deny it too! Because it's not the truth!
"No! You won't be going to the principal because it's not true! Jessie would never hurt anyone!"I yell trying to get my dad to listen to reason. "It's okay Ellie,you don't need to feel embarrassed or ashamed,you did NOTHING wrong, dirty boys like that shouldn't be allowed to get away with harassment and assault."
As my dad's voice trails off I look directly to Eli, he's gotten away with it.
Both our eyes meet as I glare in disgust at Eli and he just stares silently for a moment before his gaze fleets away looking around the car.
"That being said..." dad's booming voice brings me back to the present as I focus my attention "I won't be going to the principal about Jessie but you are to stay away from him,both of you!" Eli tries to hide a pleased smile behind his hand and I lean against the car window frowning.

Once we arrive home I furiously grab my brother by the arm and yank him to the living room whilst my dad hangs up his keys in the hall. Eli's eyebrows furrow as he rolls his eyes, "Why did you tell dad those lies about jessie? and why did you attack him in the cafeteria?!" I cross my arms almost shaking with fury at the actrotrious lies Eli has told my dad. Eli leans over me,his slight height difference to me making me feel inferior, his body blocks the living room light as he casts a dark shadow over me. "Dad's already angry at me, I had to give him a good enough reason for what I did,if he thought I'd attacked Jessie because I-"Eli looks slightly embarssed and rubs his temple whilst I tap my foot inpatiently waiting for his excuse "Ellie,look I care about you, I can see your getting closer to Jessie and I dont want you to get hurt" He brushes his fingertips with my hand going to hold it as I push his hand away grimacing my face in disgust. "You're worried about me getting hurt?" I gulp nervously feeling anxiety rise in my body for what I want to say next, Eli nods slowly. "I'm already hurt,I'm already hurt,because of you" I feel my eyes well up, how could Eli claim to care about me or worry about me being hurt by someone as gentle as Jessie, whilst Eli,my own twin, has hurt me more than anyone could. I swallow hard as my emotions rush to my face like a dam realising water, I can hold back the tears,breathe,1,2 "Ellie..." Eli's eyes observe my broken face and broken body,the signs of my stress have been showing in my weight dropping slowly again. My brother's eyes look at me with hurt,pain and perhaps regret, he grabs my hand and all the pent up emotions flood out of my eyes as his warm touch flashes me back to the recent night he violently violated me. I loudly sob as my brother snakes his arms around me into an uncomfortable hug,I feel as though im stuck in time,a miserable time which I can't escape. Then I see my dad enter the room from the corner of my eye,his eyes alarmed at my sobbing fragile state "Ellie? whats wrong?" His eyes show concern his body alarmed runs over as Eli lets go off me I stay stood frozen sobbing louder and louder, my mind still reliving that night,the smell of Eli's cologne,his hot breath on my skin, I feel disgusting. "Ellie?" My dad looks at me scared and then at Eli who looks less concerned but riddled with fear, I can't bring myself to speak, I can't stop crying, I can barely move a muscle. "Whats wrong with her?! Whats happened?" Dad turns to Eli for answers. My brother shurgs and stutters as he answers "I-I dont know,we were talking about what happened today with jessie and...I think" I can see the cogs turning in his brain as he conjures up another lie and scratches his neck uncomfortably "I think what happened with Jessie today has freaked her out and shes just feeling a bit...unsafe" he nods as I slowly stop sobbing and breathe deeply,1...2..3 breathe. My dad nods at Eli and looks into my eyes as I become more present in the room. "Are you okay Ellie? Do you want to talk-" "NO"I shout to my dad shaking my head violently fast before taking another deep breathe and looking towards my brother,Eli's eyes gaze firecely directly into mine and I feel my body tense fearfully before turning towards my dad. "I'm fine" I try to smile reassuringly and see my dad relax a little whilst Eli nervously fiddles with his hands.

Once my dad feels comfortable enough with my mental state and after he hands me a hot chocolate, he leaves the living room gleaming, Eli stays after watching carefully over my conversations with dad. I see him calm down as dad leaves satisfied, as Eli lets out a sigh of relief I side eye him whilst placing down my hot chocolate "Your welcome" I bitterly hiss in resentment of letting his lies be believed. I see him twitch nervously in his seat on the sofa before scooting closer to me and looking over his shoulder "What happened? why were you so hysterical just now? why are you crying so much lately,why do you keep...starving yourself" he glances to my untouched hot chocolate and then back at me. I pull my frail cold hands towards my collarbones gripping onto the thinning skin in a way that's comforting. "Please stop...stop starving yourself,stop hurting yourself this way" he pitfully spoke grasping his face with his hands. Eli pulls up the cup of hot chocolate towards me and I turn my nose up at it "Please,I care about you and I hate seeing you like this, you look so sad lately" he taps the mug and tries to give me a comforting smile and I feel mixed emotions. The same person who has made me feel furious,destraught and frightened within the last few hours, now has me feeling cared for and like I can open up, "It's not as easy as just eat, when i'm starving, it feels like...like the physical pain of starving,like the exhaustion of life,the dancing...I barely have the energy to think about anything else,so all the pain...all the things I want to forget...they're almost forgotten."I smile almost sinfully at my disordered thought,as difficult as it is to be open I feel a sense of relief that I feel comfortable enough to tell Eli,well...in this moment anyways. Eli's face fades from concern to guilt as he opens his mouth to speak something else catches both of our attentions.

Mum stumbles in, her eyes wobbly as she practically spins in the room,her legs swaying and her hair a messy nest, both me and Eli exchange dissapointed glum looks before taking in our mums dischevelled state as she slumps onto the sofa. Eli passes the hot chocolate to my hands. "Have you been drinking?" I ask already knowing the answer, my mum looks at us both before laughing "Only a little!"she admits "I need it to deal with you kids! I mean, YOU" she points a long finger to Eli "punching a boy in the face! wow!" she chuckles shaking her head at him. He beams his eyes at her twitching his face in frustation "maybe if you were here more instead of at the bottom of a bottle you'd-" Mum rises from the sofa and throws herself infront of our faces "How dare you Eli! I was beautiful before I had you,both of you twins,stretched my skin,doubled my size,made me giant carrying two" she snarks "Even dieting hasn't-" Eli stands up "Stop it!" he screams "Stop it! Why would you talk about weight like that infront of Ellie! Your fad diets and stupid magazines and ideas are why she's got an eating disorder! You've done this to her!" Eli yells visciuosly at my drunken mother as she tries to keep her balance. I cover my face shamefully,it's not mums fault I may or may not have a slight problem with my eating and besides that,she's not herself when she's drunk like this! There's no point yelling at her. Mum's face is looking dishearted at Eli's strong standing stance and cruel words "Eli no! It's not mum's fault!"I stand up and gesture my mum to sit down handing her my hot chocolate "Drink this mum,you need to sober up" I smile gently at her fragile state and watch as she unsteadily takes the warm mug and starts to slurp down the hot chocolate. Eli has a scowl on his face as he shakes his head and crosses his arms "she's supposed to be taking care of us,of you. not the other way around" he sighs before leaving the room.

I snuggle next to mum on the sofa as she slowly sobers up sipping on the sugary cocoa, we laugh together as we watch a funny show on tv and feel comforted in each others company.