My Brother.

Chapter 15: frail masculinity.

When the bell rings to alert us to get to lessons I start making my way to the science classroom waving bye to Clara outside of gym and Ryan as he detours to a different lesson. Hurrying my way down the long tedious corridor I notice a familiar blur in the distance just outside wide open doors that lead to the school field,as I approach I can see a frustrated Jessie yelling into his phone "I'm not responsible father! Don't come to the school,what if someone recognises you!" I approach Jessie's behind with caution as he makes large aggressive notions with his arms before hanging up the phone and pulling a box of cigarettes out of his bag and a lighter. Jessie's scopes the area around him before lighting one and notices me, he looks startled before returning to the frustrated boy he was a minute ago. "Are you...alright?" I ask as I take in his very visible injuries, big splotches of purple and blue are vibrant on his face,from the punches Eli threw earlier today. Jessie laughs sarcastically,then lights his cigarette, takes a long drawn out breathe in and snaps at me "am I alright?! Do I look alright! God,don't make me laugh Ellie, it hurts when I laugh" he shakes his head visciously and takes another puff of the cancer stick. His aggressive manner catches me on guard,it's as if he thinks this is my fault. "Jessie,I saw Eli hit you in the cafeteria, I'm sorry my brother is...well,how he is" Jessie leans against the brick wall and looks down solemnly "Ellie,dont apologise for him,it's not your fault" Jessie rubs one of the bulging bruises on his face and his lips twinge at the sparks of pain that radiate from it. "Your not in trouble are you? For the fight i mean. Me,Clara and Ryan can all vouch for you and tell the head that Eli started it-"
"No,I'm not in trouble,your brother admitted he was responsible when we were pulled into the principals office just now" Jessie looks just surprised as me when he says it, surprised Eli would've admitted he was in the wrong, really surprised. I watch as Jessie takes another drag of his cigarette "you really shouldn't do that,especially on school grounds, if you're caught..." I stop explaining to jessie as he just silently twirls his hand in the air ignoring my lecture. " I quit when I started therapy, but OH,today,I need this Ellie." He pouts and stares into my eyes with solemn.
Wait,Jessie is in therapy? "You have therapy?" I settle my back against the wall next to jessie and ask gently curious to know more but not wanting to overstep my mark.
Jessie shifts uncomfortably before coughing out an uncomfortable laugh and plastering a smile on his lips "I have been since..."his eyes fixate in the distance infront of us,as he stares out at the foggy field and takes a deep breath before turning his head towards me and saying "since my mum killed herself" as he puffs on his cigarette more I look at him in shock,Jessie had never spoken about his mum before and I had wondered why from time to time,but this...this is alot. I reach my palm over to Jessie's arm and rub gently to exspress my condolences,I know Clara told me when her mum died she'd get angry and hate it when people would say sorry for your loss and so I decide to say nothing.
Jessie's eyes flicker to my hand as he responds to my touch and then up at me,he smiles "my mum wasn't well, she had bipolar disorder and would often have episodes where she'd lose it. She'd think the government were chasing her,stay up for days with no sleep,if she wasn't on her medication that is." Jessie stabs his cigarette out on the ground and then crushes it with his shiny polished boot before turning his whole body to me to give me his full attention. "I don't know why she stopped taking the meds,I think she'd still be here if she hadn't,my dad thinks so too. She was a good mother to me and...she was so full of life when I was a child" Jessie's voice starts to crack as painful memories enter his mind and he looks as though he's about to cry, his eyes radiate sorrow,his lips are curved downward and quiver as he speaks,his body is trembling slightly and I can feel the pain in his heart from just looking at him.
I gently pull Jessie into a hug in hopes of supporting him. That is alot to go through,what a tragic way to lose a loved one,and his mum too. "Jessie,I have no words" I quietly speak and Jessie leans into our hug and I can feel him shake a little as murmured cries start to spill out of him,warm wet drops of tears drip onto my jumper and I hold Jessie tighter rubbing small circles on his back. His cries remind me of all the evenings I've spent crying lately and I emphasise with his pain more.
Jessie takes a step back and wipes his eyes with the back of his hand in a delicate manner,as though his eyes were made of glass and he was afraid to scratch, he then places his hands on his hips and stares as the ground for a moment deeply breathing in and out,and then scoping the view around him before turning to me and fixing his eyes on mine. "Ellie,this was alot to tell you. Please don't tell anyone else about this,only some close friends from Harmony high are aware of what happened to my mum and I'd like to keep it that way" Jessie's says so sternly keeping his eyes focused on me, "ofcourse, I won't say a thing,thank you for trusting me and telling me this" I send a firm nod of reassure to him and a sincere smile, he smiles back and then twitches his neck awkwardly "I would also appreciate it if you could keep in between us that im im therapy" he gives out an awkward laugh before adding "don't want to ruin my already frail masculinity, I am in theatre after all" I nod again and let out a small laugh with him before we part ways.
Its understandable what he's saying,being a theatre boy the other guys in school can be cruel, so adding being in therapy to the mix would definitely make the footballers more likely to target him.

As I speed over to class knowing I'm going go be late I get a text,its from my dad.

Dad: I'll be picking you up after school as I have to see the principal about Eli,I can't believe it but your brother got into a physical fight. I'll tell you about it later when I see you afterschool.

Ellie: unfortunately I saw the fight, Eli really hurt Jessie, I don't understand why he lashed out like that,see you later.

Dad: Jessie? Your friend from the musical? The boy who was over a few days ago?

Ellie: yes.

Dad: I'm going to speak with your brother and the principal now,we will talk about this after school.

Ellie: okay.

I dont understand why Eli hurt Jessie badly like that, I doubt he will tell the principal or our dad the truth,we'll atleast I know from Jessie that my brother admitted to it. One things for sure, I need to speak to Eli.