I've been anxiously awaiting a letter from the courts about my trial against Eli,nothing yet, maybe its too soon.
To take my mind off things Jessie has taken me out for coffee at the fancy,slightly spiritual vibe, coffee shop in town, its about a block away from the much less expensive and much more busier coffee shop that me,dad,mum and Eli used to go to as a treat every so often on a friday. But I'd much rather go here than be reminded of those memories right now, thinking about things were before my brother hurt me just makes it even more painful to think how they've changed. I wish he was still the twin who would sit by me on the stairs and calm me down when mum and dad would argue,the brother who when we were in primary school would steal the juice box's of anyone who was mean to me and share them with me at lunch, I miss when I was that young and innocent and would never have thought of things turning out like they have now. When food wasn't calories and number,and when family meant safety,not anymore.
As we walk into "zen circle" the hippie name of the fancy coffee shop, I notice beaming overly friendly smiles on the baristas face as she sees Jessie and I approach the counter. "Nice to see you again Mr Biele, the usual?" She goes to tap something into her tech savvy ipad/counter but Jessie shakes his head "no,not my usual today,my body's not handling coffee all that well,ill got for a green tea please Deliah" Jessie rubs his head a little, like he's not feeling well, then he turns to me whilst pulling out his bank card "What do you fancy Ellie?" As I look up at the chalk board menu, I try and think about what I could have that will have the least amount of calories,the less calories I have in me-the less energy I have to think about everything. When I turn to Jessie to give my order I notice his eyes looking between me and the menu,he looks concerned,nethertheless I give my order of peppermint tea and Jessie kindly pays for us both,then a short wait at the counter before collecting our teas and finding a small,rustic,cozy corner of the shop to sit in.
As we sit I notice Jessie sway a little and then press his fingertips to his forehead "Are you feeling okay?"
His head nods but unconvincingly "uh-yeah!" He clears his throat "yeah no,don't worry about me Ellie,I'm fine." His gentle smile warms our cozy corner a little and I shift in my seat feeling a little more comfortable in the public space. "But how,how are you doing?" His voice sounds a little trembly as he asks,he scopes around us before leaning in closer and whispering "you don't look well,how is the eating at the moment?" As he asks I notice his face tense a little,like he already knows things aren't good but to avoid worrying him more about me I nod passively "yeah it's okay" I fumble my jittery hands against my peppermint tea as I pull the cup towards my lips, Jessie ignores my reply and bites his lip concerningly "Ellie,things aren't okay,it's understandable with everything that's happened with your broth-, I mean, with Eli, and with your mum leaving and taking his side, that you would be struggling and when you struggle you don't tend to cope in healthy ways, I haven't seen you eat-" before Jessie can continue his worried lecture to me I interrupt.
A sharp tone of annoyance is evident in my voice as I project "Can we NOT? You don't understand, my body is the only thing I have...had control of until Eli took even that away from me, I need to feel in control of something in my life and food,what goes in and out of my body,is that thing." I snap quickly to jessie before sipping down some more peppermint tea. "Ever since I was a kid I always wondered if there was something I couldve done to stop my mum from killing herself,I obviously couldn't save my mum, but i want to save you"
Jessie looks down,defeated before forcing a sympathetic smile.
Once Jessie catches a taxi home from 'zen circle' after our 'zen' time I catch the bus trying to keep myself prodded up and awake along the many stops until home. Its a short 5 minute walk from the bus stop to mine and the weather is a little dim and gloomy,as I step off the bus a gust of wind hits my face and then I start the walk home thinking about what Jessie said today, I'm not going to accidentally kill myself with starvation...no, he's just being dramatic. A pang of guilt hits my stomach making me feel a little uneasy, I hope I wasn't too harsh at hit,when I snapped.
As I approach the house I take in a deep breathe before walking to the door,then stepping back after noticing mums car in the driveway.
What's mum doing here?
YOU ARE READING
My Brother.
Short StoryChapters out at least once a week. A dark story about being abused by twin brother and escaping it. Trigger warning for abuse in this story. This was difficult to go through so please don't read this or continue to read this if it could trigger you.
