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𝐯. remember when ❝i was avoiding the truth as if it was the plague.❞
THAT NIGHT, I STAYED WITH PONYBOY. I couldn't bring myself to leave his side. As long as he was there, I would be too. He was the only thing I had been thinking about. I knew Pony was really sick, and I wanted to spend as much time as I could with him. The fear of losing him like I lost Dally and Johnny was stuck with me like a permanent bruise that didn't stop hurting.
The only time I left Ponyboy was for school, and staying over at the Curtis' became a routine. I would go to school and come straight there and not leave Ponyboy's side. I couldn't afford to miss school even though I really did want to. I had to act like everything was okay.
Some people didn't know I was Dally's sister and never would. At least at first. But once one person knew, everyone did. People began to know me as the dead kid's sister. They looked me up and down as I walked in the halls as if they were scared that I would pull a stunt like my brother any minute. Normally I would hate it, but I didn't even care. I was so numb, I didn't care if anyone spread a rumor or made up a lie. None of it mattered to me.
It was almost as if I wanted to care what they thought but I heard Dally's voice in the back of my mind telling me, "Own it." So I did. I ignored everyone no matter how much pain I was in. I was like a zombie. I didn't feel alive at all. I didn't know how to be alive without Johnny and Dallas and I didn't allow myself to find a way. So I stayed dead. Every step I took I reminded myself that they weren't around and that I got to live while they died and it put a weight on my shoulders that I couldn't get rid of nor did I want to. I wanted to be miserable.
One day I came straight to the Curtis' after school. I had been stressed out over the work and had also been dealing with getting Dally buried someplace. Thinking about it broke my heart, Darry knew more than anyone. Watching me take on the role for my brother reminded him all too much of himself when his parents died. He wanted to make sure I didn't end up cold like he did. So Darry pitched in. We were also trying to get Johnny buried too. I wanted their tombstones to be next to each other. It felt right, but it wasn't easy. But I was never a quitter.
