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𝐱𝐱𝐢. always a greaser ❝i'd rather have had someone shoot me in the head with a nail gun.❞
THE TRAIN RIDES WERE LONG AND CRAMPED ON THE WAY TO TULSA. I should have called Darry or someone to let them know I was coming, but it was a last minute decision. I had no idea what would be waiting for me when I got back home. There was a sense of nervousness that I'd never felt going back home, but also anticipation. I couldn't wait to see Sodapop. It felt like it had been forever. Seeing him home and safe was something I knew would make everything better.
Riding on the train, I had a lot of time to just sit with my thoughts and think about everything. Ponyboy was right, being in New York with the big shots did change me, just not for the better like I thought. I wondered what would have happened if I stayed and listened to Pony. Would things have been different? They would have to be. Yet, there was a part of me that didn't regret going. I was taught a lesson that I might not have otherwise known. Money can't buy happiness. And no matter where life takes me, I'll always be alone if it's always about me.
My whole life up until New York had been about Dallas and about the gang. Looking out for them, cleaning up after them, making sure they were happy. There wasn't much about me. So when it became about me, I had no idea what to do. That was what screwed me up the most. I'd only know how to be selfless, so when given the opportunity to be a little more self focused, I took it too far. But who could blame me? You can't throw someone on the field and expect them to succeed at something they don't understand.
Soon, I would be back on my field. In Tulsa. That was the place that stayed for me. When the train stopped and I got off, it was as if time froze and unpaused again the second I got back. As if Tulsa had just been waiting for me. The weather was cold that Christmas Eve, but the sun was still out. I took my luggage and headed straight home to unpack. Bart wasn't there. I'd always hated that house, besides my room. But it felt more like home than New York. Anything did. I just needed to get back to my real home. Ponyboy.
