Dare You To Love Me

«52» K for karma

There were moments in life that defined a person, moments that carve into the deepest parts of one's soul, moments that often force a person to see the cracks in their lives that were longed ignored.

And for Lubna Abdul-Hameed nee-Bako, one such moment was now, where she laid in her bed, body aching, and the steady beat of her heart reminding her of the thin line between life and death.

In this quiet moment, as the early morning light filtered through the blinds, Lubna found herself deeply reflecting on the choices that had led her to where she was.

She thought of her three-year-old daughter, the new life growing inside her, and the complex web of relationships that bound her to the man who was both her husband and her greatest torment.

Flashes of that fateful night about a week ago when he'd almost ended her in her daughter's presence surged to the forefront of her mind.

It wasn't the pain, or the heart break that came with his betrayal, or the knowledge that he'd turn his ire on her despite her circumstances, but the fear she'd seen in her daughter's eyes and her scream that still haunted Lubna, and the cold realization that Abdul-Aziz would never change that had sealed both of their fates.

The bruises had faded, but the emotional scars still remained, serving as a constant reminder of the life she needed to escape.

Her position as his sixth wife had always been precarious, yet she had managed to remain by his side for over five years, lasting longer than any other, even his beloved Aisha.

There were moments that broke a person, but it was in the breaking that one often found their truest self, as evidenced by her current state of mind.

Lubna thought of Yaseerah, the stepdaughter she had struggled to connect with, often seeming indifferent to her, because she thought she was better off without the baggage that came with caring for a teenager that wasn't hers.

What nobody knew, what she'd refused to confess to even herself was how much Yaseerah's strength and silent defiance were both a challenge and a mirror to Lubna's own hidden desires for acceptance and understanding.

Confronting her truths, and forgiving herself her shortcomings weren't easy. Neither was the decision to finally end the circle that began and ended with both physical and psychological warfare.

This, she thought was the end of her time as Abdul-Aziz Bako's wife-whether he let her go or not, she wasn't wasting another moment of her life praying and wishing he'd change, that he would even for once see her as more than just a body to warm his bed, or an occasional punching bag to dump his frustrations upon.

Getting pregnant again had never been a part of her plan, neither was keeping the child, despite what she'd told Yaseerah, because she knew the kind of life she'd be bringing her child into.

But Yaseerah's marriage had backed her into a corner because she knew no amount of cajoling, and demure acts would save her from her husband's wrath, if she was the only person around.

The pregnancy had been a blessing. And when she'd found out she was having a boy-albeit by mistake-Lubna had prostrated there and then, her forehead meeting the hospital's cold linoleum floor in sujood, as she thanked her creator for the double blessing.

But now as she stared up at the ceiling, thinking about the altercation with her husband, how he'd purposely almost destroyed her life and her unborn child's, she knew without a doubt, there was no future for them.

There were moments in life that defined a person.

This was Lubna's.

Never again would she ever let herself be at the mercy of any man.