the distance of our souls

Chapter XII - Grief & Patience

4:57AM

It'd been two weeks already. The time flew too quickly i felt like i missed the whole thing.

I woke up to her in my arms for the last time, she looked extra beautiful. I kissed her forehead. 'Please, I really don't want this to be it.' My eyes slightly swelled with tears as i felt my heart slowly break. My hands felt cold, i put them gently on her cheek, her left one. She had been laying on her right side, her body all tangled up in mine. In a way i felt like i was home, a different home. She wasn't a place made up of four walls and a roof. No, no. She was a warm loving person. She hugged me all night, she never let go. She gave me so much love in her own way. She was beautiful, not always clean, but she was as clean as any house i've stepped foot in. She had her scent, a scent of cats, her perfume, and her own smell, one heavenly; i at that point and my bed smelt like it, i was very grateful.

I fell back asleep.

About 15 minutes later, i feel the warm sunlight hit my face. My sleeping beauty still sleeping, i nudge her to awaken. "Beautiful?" I said as  i tapped her shoulder.    No response emerged. The colours of the sunrise shined upon my room and my baby made everything so pretty. August looked like a princess, a real, unreal princess with the pinky orange colour that tinted my room.

I decided i would get up and pack a bunch of her clothes for her. She had to be gone at four so i wanted to make the most out of the time we had left. So slowly, i proceeded to carefully pull my body out of my bedsheets and her limbs. After about three minutes, i made it. I began searching my room, hunting to find for her scattered clothes, things that needed to be sent back with her, and her personal items. The very first time i looked around my room since she first arrived, i noticed there was a few things out of place.. For instance, there was my girlfriend's black bra on the floor. Oh, i remember that night. (We had sex for our third time, what an experience. I definitely fell very much in love with her titties..) I'd pushed it underneath my bed to hide it from our parents, they didn't have to know..

I bent down to grab the black bra, when i then saw half of mine and my girlfriend's wardrobe along with it, underneath my bed. "Whoops." I said to myself with a chuckle. Collecting all the clothes from under the bed, i saw one thing i'd almost forgotten about. Her gift. I pulled out my basket full of my gifts to her i wanted her to keep forever, like my sketchbook, a copy of my favorite book, a kuromi extra large t-shirt that had my scent, and a set of handmade jewelry i made for her. I was brought to tears when i started to realize she'd have to leave me for only God knew how long, and this would be my reminiscence until we were reunited, at once.

About an hour later, 6:03AM , i'd finished folding and packing up all of August's clothes and a few belongings. At last, i laid beside her again to hold her, kiss her, feel her one more time during the beautiful morning sunrise. Her eyes slowly opening to the feeling of my hands gently playing with her hair. My fingers ran smoothly within her curls, wrapping a couple beautiful strands around my fingers. I looked at her eyes, she slowly opened them up, and i couldn't help but feel drips of water from my eyes fall upon my cheeks. My eyes watched as a droplet landed on Aj's face, her precious beautiful face.  "Lucy, are you okay?" I heard her voice ask in urgency, I smiled in return. "Good last morning August." I said breaking down. She sat up and hugged me. I felt her hands draw circles on my back, something she had learned from experiencing a panic attack with me. "Shh.. It's going to be okay baby. It's okay." I wrapped her tighter as those words exited her mouth. I couldn't do it, i needed her so badly, i didn't have enough time. We did everything i wanted to do, but it felt like it wasn't enough. It wasn't, i needed more time. I felt greedy, i felt like nothing was fair. I'm sure she did too based off the way her comforting me turned into us comforting each other while sobbing in each other's arms for the last time.

7:51AM

We calmed down, we had been cuddling and comforting each other since, while watching Coraline in the background. We held our build-a-bears too, making pinky swears we'd use them whenever we missed each other. August had to leave at 6:45PM , so we decided to make sure our whole day was spent together. My girlfriend also kissed me a few times because she thanked me for packing a bunch of her belongings which made me blush,

The next few hours felt unreal, we made out a few last times, she left my neck marked over ten times, where i did the same back. we kissed for a few minutes, we hugged harder and tighter than ever.

4:30PM

My last moments were coming to an end,  so we spent it crying a little and looking through the gifts i gave her. She loved it, she loved everything. I blinked, and i was now inside the airport. I wanted to go home, why does she have to go? My mind spiralled. I held my August's hand so tightly, i felt my anxiety rise a little, not enough to cause a scene or panic attack , but i indeed was not taking anything very easily.

6:15PM

After sharing our last goodbyes together at the cafe inside the airport, it was time for us to separate. We came to the point in the airport where we had to leave August and her family, and i saw a pair of swollen eyes. I stood there with my arms wide, in symbolization to hug my baby, so we did. I grabbed her head and kissed her lips for the last time. "We're going to be okay. We will. We can do this August, all to see each again, then for the rest of our lives!" I tried cheering her up with. She wouldn't stop crying, and her hugs were so tight. "I'm gonna miss you. A lot." I heard her whimper. "I'm going to miss you more, a lot more August J." 

I felt a burn inside my heart, like a flower that has sprouted slowly get burned as she left.

It was hard. It really fucking sucked. But, it was worth the suffering we went through. It was all worth it. I wouldn't have wanted it to be any different.

We got this, princess.🤍

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