Something Bout Her: Poems of Love

23. Digital Disconnect

There's something bout her that I couldn't define, 
As love's journey unraveled, our hearts intertwined.

And yet again, we weren't on the same page, 
Our hearts in different chapters, not in the same cage. 
Even after this, our conversation flowed, 
A desperate attempt to mend what we sowed.

Her: "Does it not hit you even now? 
How incompatible we were, then and now?"

Me: "You know what, in your mind there's just this: 
Nothing in common, no future, just abyss."

Her: "Here we go again with the blame game. 
It's not in my mind, I've experienced the same. 
You just don't get me, that's the whole tragedy. 
We don't get each other, it’s our reality."

Me: "Okay fine, you might have experienced it, no doubt. 
But have you tried not to give up, to figure it out?"

Her: "You sound so inconsiderate when you say it like that. 
How would it ever make it better, or change the fact? 
And give up? Did I ever get the chance? 
It broke me holding on, love’s fickle dance."

Me: "We don't want to get each other, that’s the truth."

Her: "You blame me for everything, is that your sleuth? 
Then expect me to patch it up, make it right, 
Without understanding my weakest plight."

Me: "I'm not blaming you, not placing the fault."

Her: "What's the point when you're not getting me at all? 
How could I ever be loved, truly, 
By someone who doesn't understand me fully?"

Me: "But I am always trying to get you to not give up."

Her: "I did not give up on you till the end, 
But holding on broke me, that I can't pretend. 
Online dating is just not my thing, 
It felt like a cage, not the freedom it should bring."

Me: "So, we always had to stay online? 
Have you seen the future, it could have been fine."

Her: "If we can't handle the present, how will we have a future? 
Would you be okay if love broke me further? 
If that was acceptable, let me know, 
But for me, it’s a wound that won't easily go."

Me: "Can't you see till the end, I tried for us to be, 
I wouldn’t let you break down, can't you see? 
Did you ever think about the lengths I'd go, 
For your happiness, even if it didn't show?"

Her: "Can't you see till the end, I tried to hold on, 
But that faith with no substance, now it’s gone. 
I told you over and over, it’s the distance that pained, 
You couldn't have helped me, our love remained chained."

Me: "I knew the distance was killing you, still I tried, 
I was supposed to come to Delhi, but then you cried."

Her: "And the broken pieces inside weren't visible, right? 
One day of coming would set everything right? 
The daily pain would have disappeared in a flash? 
No, it was a wound too deep, a painful gash."

Me: "It wouldn't have disappeared, but better it could be."

Her: "The only help from you was to set me free."

Her: "I never said it was your fault, don't you see? 
I just wanted to be free from that pain, not about you, but me."

Me: "You're just in Delhi. Others try, why not we?"

Her: "Again, you compare me with others, but can’t you see? 
I am not them, they are not me, 
I wanted us to try together, but it wasn't meant to be."

Her: "You say ‘we could have tried,’ but what if I broke down?"

Me: "I know it hurts, I was there too, 
But did you never think about my view? 
Was I not far from you too, in this plight? 
But you didn’t understand, not then, not tonight."

Her: "You say ‘a little better,’ but for me it’s been a lot, 
After letting go, the weight was a lot. 
You don't get my situation or my pain, 
Together online is not together, it’s in vain."

Me: "So me not being here is better, you say?"

Her: "If you're not here, it's taxing every day. 
It’s not about you, but the situation we’re in, 
I tried, Ayush, but couldn't win."

Me: "Did you love me so much that distance became poison? 
You tried, but it wasn't your horizon?"

Her: "You didn't know the real me, couldn't through a screen, 
Put it on me if it makes you feel better, if it seems clean. 
You didn't understand then, you don't understand now."

Me: "I tried everything, but it didn't work somehow."

Her: "Don't do anything, if your love would break me down, 
Maybe I don't want a partner like that around. 
Who doesn't value my mental health, 
I saved you from drama, that’s a different wealth."

Me: "But when I said take your time, why say it’s over?"

Her: "The last straw was the friend thing, cover to cover. 
That broke my last hope of holding on tight, 
I was done that day, no more fight."

Me: "Till today, I still don't know what went wrong."

Her: "Your friends, they added to the wrong, 
Broke my faith, shared problems that were ours, 
I didn't expect that, it left scars."

Me: "Desperately tried not to give up, used no mind."

Her: "Your manner of trying broke the bind. 
You didn't know me, not through a screen, 
Love can't grow in such a routine."

Me: "I tried to know everything, was naïve, 
Why not forgive, thinking I didn’t perceive?"

Her: "I forgave you till December, over and over, 
Thought you’d understand someday, but no, no cover. 
It wasn't happening, had to let go, 
I couldn't hold on, had to grow."

Me: "You doubted my love, felt untrue."

Her: "Not the love, but the way you loved, it didn't view. 
Involving others, that's not for me, 
Our love languages didn't match, can't you see?"

Me: "It really changed me, made me new."

Her: "Take the lesson, let it go, as we grew. 
It was all felt after January's end, 
Neither you nor me, could we mend."

Me: "Did it make us better or worse?"

Her: "Better for sure, but a love-averse. 
Not trusting again, that’s my truth, 
Learning to be strong, without the ruse."