My family

A darkness of hopelessness

 Near's pov

During the car ride it was quiet, suspiciously quiet, especially between Mello and me, even our beautiful three children were dead quiet for a very special  reason, normally they are never quiet during a car ride, let alone our cute Jack of five years old, who always has something to say or shout during any car ride, he doesn't care whose car we are in at that moment or where we are driving and also what the reason is for our car ride, Jack always has something to babble than at that moment when we are in the car or at least when he is in the car and in his child seat in the car, on the leather back seat in Mello's car, because I don't have a car, I don't even have a driver's license, never got it and I'm not planning to ever get my driver's license because I just don't have my interest in it, to drive a car, I think I'm pretty sure that if I would ever be able to drive a car that I would be terribly clumsy in it and would quickly cause car accidents.

Nobody wants that, so Mello is actually the only one in our relationship, marriage and family life  who has a valid driver's license and who owns a beautiful black car that he is still proud and very happy with to this day, which I can understand, even though cars have never really been my thing, except for those toy cars that I always play with, all over the floor, since I am a proud parent of three beautiful children I play with them a little less. 

Now we are at home, our super cute children who we both love very much and are very happy with are busy playing with their incredibly cute toys. Lisa is playing with her doll while our Jack is building a tower of wooden colored blocks and our youngest of two is playing as cute as possible on a colored book with all kinds of fun and cute animal sounds, such as the sound of a pig and a goat.

I've been looking at the back of the person I'm married to for a while now, namely the back of Mello.

I walk so decisively without any doubt or hesitation in every vein of mine with great strides towards my husband and I literally and figuratively feel with every step I take that the closer I get to him the more clearly I feel his warm body heat around me, I look at him with crossed arms that look at him very sternly and I give him a very serious look at his wide warm back oriented.

"Mello" I then say as simply as possible, in a strict tight way that sounds very sharp and also comes across in that way, especially on him and I am actually to be very happy that it also comes across in such a strict clear tone and way, especially on him, because I have become so incredibly fed up with his many raging tantrums in the long run and every time I suspect that he is for once and is rid of them forever and will never have one again then all the misery starts again and unfortunately I find out soon enough that my suspicions and my hopeful feeling were nothing less than just false, false and false again and that Mello will apparently never get rid of his anger problems and that it is most likely something I did years ago when I was still dating had to get used to him, because apparently he will never, ever get rid of his anger problems.

Then I see with my two glassy razor-tight eyes that look at him razor-sharp for a while that Mello looks at me in a very questioning and a bit of a dazed way to my all-time amazement over his warm soft right shoulder with those beautiful blue shiny eyes of his, which I have loved for years and which shine and shine at me as beautifully as possible, as soon as he looks at me in a very questioning and attentive way, but still in a furious way with boiling blood in his body.

"Yes?" I hear him say, a little irritated, but again as crystal clear and as razor sharp as possible with a loud and clear voice.

"We need to talk" I then say to him, I still have my two slender soft arms folded over each other as razor hard and as super strict as possible and I will continue to stare at him as sternly and as razor hard as possible for the next few moments, as hard and as stern as I can with my two white eyebrows that have no color whatsoever as low as possible, in an angry and stern angry way with glassy eyes that continue to stare at him razor-sharp.