FORGET-ME-NOT | kth

Chapter 30 - Guilt

Maya's POV

A few minutes have passed, and I am still in Daniel's embrace. My mind was blank. I purposefully avoided any thoughts because I had no energy to think. All I could focus on was how I ended up here, why things were unfair, and why everything was so complicated.

Why did I say I needed time?  and why am I still staying in his embrace?

His arms are wrapped around me, holding me with a sense of familiarity and desperation. The warmth of his body was both comforting and suffocating, a stark reminder of the life we once shared and the turbulence that followed. My head rested against his chest, and I could hear the steady rhythm of his heartbeat. It used to be a sound that brought me peace, but now it only added to my confusion.

There was nothing to be confused about. I already made up my mind months ago; there was a reason for my decision to end our marriage. 

I took more than enough time to make that decision. But why? Why do I feel sorry for him? Why am I feeling guilty about my decision all of a sudden? Why did I just say I needed time?

I still remember the countless nights spent deliberating, weighing every option, and analyzing every aspect of our relationship. The decision to end our marriage was not made lightly. It was born out of a deep understanding that things were no longer working, that we were no longer good for each other. I thought I had reached a point of clarity, where I could move forward with confidence and without regret.

Yet here I am, wrapped in his arms, feeling a surge of emotions I thought I had left behind. The guilt is overwhelming, crashing over me like a wave. I never wanted to hurt him, and seeing the vulnerability in his eyes, feeling the way he clings to me as if I'm his lifeline, breaks my heart.

I doubt this feeling comes solely from the end of our marriage. I wonder if it's because I feel like I cheated on him. 

Did I really cheat on him? 

My feelings have grown for someone else, and it's biting me back as regret.

The decision to end my marriage was already made when Taehyung came into my life, but the timing doesn't make it any easier. The emotional turmoil is still overwhelming.

Even though I didn't betray Daniel in the conventional sense, it feels like a betrayal of the commitment we once shared.

The regret is sharp and unrelenting. I regret not being able to keep my heart loyal to Daniel, not being able to preserve the sanctity of our marriage until the very end.

My feelings for Taehyung, as genuine as they are, come with a price—a price I wasn't fully prepared to pay.

But even amidst the regret, there's a part of me that knows this wasn't just a simple infidelity. It was a sign, a symptom of deeper issues within our marriage. My connection with Taehyung highlighted the gaps and the emotional voids that had formed between Daniel and me. It forced me to confront the reality that we were drifting apart.

As painful as it is, I have to accept that my heart's betrayal was both a cause and a consequence of the unraveling of our marriage. It's not an excuse, but an acknowledgment.

I pulled away from the embrace, and Daniel looked at me with concern. He wiped my eyes with his thumb and guided me to sit on the chair.

"You have to take some rest. I know you've taken in so much today. I am sorry. I thought I would never get a chance to talk to you alone if I let you go today," he said softly. I nodded, feeling the weight of his words.

He sighed deeply, as if trying to release some of the tension that had built up between us. Turning completely towards me, he continued, "John will drop you at home. Please take rest."