Let the church say Amen.

1.

2003

I looked at her as I felt her tongue flick my folds, giving me pleasure I've never felt before...

I gripped the sheets, trying to release the pressure somehow as my head fell back.

"Ko-" I let out, this was the best feeling ever.

She held my thighs closer to her face, tighter as she dove deeper in me... her tongue deeper her technique impressingly sending me over the edge.

I started shaking uncontrollably under her, damn i loved this girl...

She looked up at me after licking my sensitive part and she smiled.

"You okay?" She asks me , and I simply give her a nod not being able to say anything further... I am in love, was all that was in my head.

2010.

Thoughts , thoughts of conviction started intruding my mind once again as I tried to seat comfortably on the church bench.

"Remember... Remember that time when men were men?" The pastor said holding his microphone and wiped the sweat that was dripping off of his face.

The congregation was going crazy over the message and everyone was cheering him on to continue.

"When women... when women were women, men loved women and women loved men!" My father yelled into the Mike.

"Amen!!" , "Yess!" Was all that was heard in the church .

All my life it has been like this, all my life it has been my family and family friend members... pastors in conventions and every church I visited preaching... preaching for everyone to be set free.

"They take the word of God and try to pin against us saints, they tell us this is not what Jesus would do but are they honoring him? Are they giving their lives to him, respecting Our God?!"

No's , and disagreements filled the church as they answered the bishop.

"I will stand in what I believe in! I will stand up for our God" the pastor preached.

"I will speak the word of God!!"

I look around the room as the audience stood tall clapping for the powerful sermon that my father was telling and I got up, swallowing hard and started clapping so I don't seem out of place... after all I was the pastor's daughter.

My father continued to preach of Sodom and Gomorrah, every pastors reference when preaching about homosexuality .

I looked at my mother who looked to be enjoying the sermon, my best friend and I just knew... I knew there wasn't any hope for me here, I had to change.

"We're are going backwards as a nation... as a people" my father cried.

Sounds of "mmh" , "amens" filled the room as he touched the topic that seemed to be so sensitive.

I had to be free, all of my loved one's are in this room wanting to do better, wanting to be better and they are giving their lives to Jesus... why couldn't I do the same thing?

My brother who sat on the drum set on the far stage who looked to be listening intently.

One of my brothers in christ, Marc who sat next to me opening his bible and making notes that my father was preaching about.

"The spirit has swallowed so many of our brothers and sisters... the people are confused!!!!" 

And my best friend Shamika, who was also next to me... listening to the word that God offered this Sunday morning.