falling for 13 || Johnny Kavanagh

You're Different

G R A C E

The start of second year felt strange. It was like everything had shifted over the summer—people, friendships, everything. Last year, I barely went a day without seeing or talking to Johnny, but since that weird conversation in the hallway after Christmas, we hadn't spoken. At all. I'd seen him once during the summer, when the girls and I went to shaggers and all the lads happened to be there, but neither of us said a single word.

I wasn't sure if I was avoiding him or if he was avoiding me, but either way, it was easier that way. So I spent the rest of summer focused on training, hanging out with Aoibh, Clara, and Orlaith, doing my best to forget about Johnny Kavanagh, oh and taking a fair few beatings.

But, of course, life has a funny way of throwing things back in your face just when you think you've moved on.

It was the first day back, and I was sitting with Aoibh and Clara in the common area, catching up on the usual post-summer gossip. Cian Starky, who I'd started seeing at the end of summer, was hanging out with his friends on the other side of the room, glancing over every now and then. He was a good lad—funny, easygoing, and, more importantly, uncomplicated. He didn't come with the same mess Johnny did.

We hadn't officially put any labels on it yet, but it was obvious enough to everyone else that we were together. Not that I minded. It was nice to be with someone who didn't make me feel like I was constantly guessing.

I was laughing at something Clara had said when I heard a familiar voice behind me. My stomach twisted instantly.

"So," Johnny's voice broke through the noise, casual but sharp enough to make me turn around. "You're with Cian Starky now?"

I looked up at him, surprised to see him standing there, arms crossed, the sleeves of his jumper rolled up, showing off his forearms, and his expression unreadable. He looked... different. Taller, broader even. The summer had done something to him, but it was the same old Johnny standing there, looking at me like we were just picking up from where we left off.

I straightened up, meeting his gaze with a level look, even though my heart was hammering in my chest. "And you're with Niamh? Or is it someone else by now?"

His lips twitched into something that was almost a smirk, but not quite. "Nah. I'm not with Niamh."

"Really?" I replied, raising an eyebrow. "Because that's not what it looked like last year."

He didn't say anything for a second, his eyes flicking over to where Cian was sitting, then back to me. "So, Cian Starky, huh? I didn't think he was your type."

I shrugged, playing it cool even though the way he was looking at me was throwing me off. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Johnny leaned against the wall, his eyes still on me, that familiar cocky grin spreading across his face. "Nothing. Just surprised, that's all."

I crossed my arms, mirroring his stance. "Why? Because I'm not with someone like you?"

His grin faltered, just for a second, and his brows furrowed slightly. "What's that supposed to mean?"

I met his eyes, refusing to back down. "Someone like you, Johnny. You know, the kind of guy who spends his time riding girls who are what three- four years older?, but acts like it doesn't mean anything. The kind of guy who's all talk but never serious about anything or anyone."

His expression shifted, the grin gone, replaced by something harder. "That's not fair."

"Isn't it?" I shot back, my voice sharper than I intended. "Because from where I'm standing, it seems pretty accurate."

Johnny straightened up, his arms dropping to his sides, his face darkening. "You don't know what you're talking about, Grace."

"Don't I?" I tilted my head, feeling the anger bubbling up inside me. "I thought you liked me, Johnny. I thought we were... I don't know, something. But then you go off with every girl who so much as looks at you, and I'm supposed to just... what? Pretend like it doesn't bother me?"

Johnny's jaw clenched, his eyes narrowing as he stepped closer, lowering his voice so only I could hear. "I did like you, Gracie. I still do."

I scoffed, shaking my head. "No, Johnny, you don't. If you did, you wouldn't have treated me like I was just... one of the lads. You wouldn't have been with all those other girls while you were pretending to be my friend."

His face tightened with frustration, and he let out a sharp breath, as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Pretending? You think I was pretending to be your friend?"

I stood my ground, crossing my arms tighter against my chest. "It sure felt like it. Because if we were actually friends, you wouldn't have lied to me."

Johnny's eyes flashed with anger, but there was something else there too—something that looked like hurt. "I didn't lie to you, Grace. You knew what I was like."

I flinched at his words, feeling the sting of them settle deep in my chest. "Yeah, I did. Eventually."

He let out a harsh laugh, running a hand through his hair, clearly frustrated. "What do you want me to say, Grace? I'm not perfect. I fucked up. I get it. But don't act like I didn't care about you."

"Care about me?" I shot back, my voice rising. "Johnny, you barely looked at me after Christmas. You were all over Niamh and the other girls, and then you had the nerve to pretend like nothing had changed between us."

His face twisted with frustration. "I wasn't bleeding with Niamh, alright? That was just... stupid stuff. It didn't mean anything."

"But that's the point, Johnny," I said, my voice quieter now, but no less intense. "It never means anything to you, does it?"

There was a brief moment of silence between us, the weight of my words hanging in the air. His expression softened slightly, the anger draining from his face, leaving something like regret in its place.

"Grace," he started, his voice low and almost pleading, "I didn't want to hurt you. But how was I supposed to know that you felt like this?"

I shook my head, feeling the lump in my throat start to grow. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"No," he said quickly, stepping even closer, his eyes locked on mine. "We're talking about this now. You said you thought I liked you. I did. I still do, Grace. Besides you're with Cian Starky now."

I frowned, my frustration flaring up again. "Yeah, and you've been with half the school, so what's your point?"

He shook his head, the frustration back in his voice. "My point is, you could've said something. You could've talked to me."

I stared at him, feeling the anger and confusion bubbling up again. "Johnny, I tried. But you never listened."

Johnny opened his mouth to respond, but then closed it, his expression shifting to something more guarded. "So what now?" he asked, his voice quieter. "You're with Cian, and I'm supposed to just... what? Pretend like this doesn't matter?"

I crossed my arms tighter, feeling a strange mix of anger and sadness swirling inside me. "I don't know, Johnny. You're the one who missed your chance. "

He took a step back, his eyes flickering with something like disbelief. "You really believe that?"

I shrugged, trying to hold back the emotion that was building in my chest. "I think maybe it's better if we don't keep going in circles. You're not the fella I thought you were, and I'm not the girl you want me to be."

Johnny stared at me for a long moment, his jaw clenched and his fists tight at his sides. Then, with a small shake of his head, he muttered, "Yeah. Maybe you're right."

Before I could respond, he turned and walked away, leaving me standing there, feeling more confused and hurt than I'd ever felt before.

The worst part? A tiny voice in the back of my mind kept whispering that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't ready to let him go.