falling for 13 || Johnny Kavanagh

Friends?

J O H N N Y

It had been weeks since the night at Biddies, and I hadn't spoken to Grace properly since. I saw her around school sometimes, but we both kept our distance. I don't know if it was because neither of us knew what to say, or if we were both too stubborn to say it first.

It was lunchtime, and I was walking down the hall toward my locker, Gibsie and the lads already ahead of me, probably causing their usual bit of chaos. My head was somewhere else, though. It usually was these days.

That's when I saw her.

Grace Lynch, standing with her back to the wall, talking to Aoibh. Well, not really talking—more like nodding at whatever Aoibh was saying. She was in her own head, like she'd been for weeks now. There was something different about her, though. Her hair was pulled back into a low ponytail, her face a little less pale, like she was starting to heal. But she still looked... lost.

I should've kept walking, should've headed straight for the locker and left her be. But instead, my feet slowed down, and I found myself standing there, staring at her like a right eejit.

She looked up, and her eyes caught mine. There it was again—that weird tightening in my chest, the way my heart seemed to stumble over itself whenever she looked at me.

I froze. Part of me wanted to walk over, say something. The other part wanted to turn around and pretend I hadn't seen her at all. But before I could decide, Grace pushed off the wall, leaving Aoibh behind, and started walking toward me.

I felt my throat tighten.

"Hi Johnny," she said, stopping a few feet away. Her voice was quieter than usual, like she wasn't sure if she should be talking to me.

"Hi Grace," I replied, hands stuffed into my pockets, trying to play it cool even though I was anything but. I wasn't sure what to say next, or if I should say anything at all.

We just stood there for a second, the noise of the hallway fading into the background as we looked at each other. It was awkward, but not in a bad way—more like neither of us knew how to start. Things had been so messed up for so long that neither of us knew how to be normal anymore.

"How've you been?" I asked, breaking the silence. It felt like a stupid question, but I had to ask something.

She shrugged, looking down at her feet. "Alright, I guess. You?"

"Same," I said, which was a lie. Nothing had been the same for me since that night, but I wasn't about to unload all of that on her.

There was a beat of silence, then she glanced up at me, her brow furrowed like she was trying to figure something out. "We haven't really talked, have we?"

"No," I admitted. "We haven't."

She bit her lip, hesitating, and I could tell she wanted to say something else. I waited, not wanting to push her but also hoping she'd say whatever was on her mind.

"Why did you do it?" she asked suddenly, her voice barely above a whisper. "Why did you go after him like that?"

I blinked, caught off guard by the question. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you didn't have to," she said, her eyes searching mine. "No one asked you to."

I felt my jaw clench, and I had to look away for a second to gather my thoughts. "He hurt you, Grace," I said quietly. "What was I supposed to do? Just let him get away with it?"

She didn't respond right away, and when I looked back at her, I saw something flicker across her face—something like frustration, but maybe also guilt.

"I didn't want that," she muttered, wrapping her arms around herself like she was trying to keep the world out. "I didn't want any of it."

I swallowed hard, not sure how to respond. She was right—none of this should have happened. Not to her, not to anyone. But it had. And now we were left to deal with the wreckage.

We stood there, not saying anything for a while. It felt like we were both waiting for the other to break the silence, but neither of us knew how to start again.

Eventually, I sighed, rubbing the back of my neck. "Look, I don't know what we're supposed to do now, alright? But... I don't want us to be like this."

She gave me a look, her lips pressing into a thin line. "Like what?"

"Like we're strangers," I said, my voice coming out rougher than I meant it to. "We're not strangers, Grace."

Her eyes softened for a second, and for a moment, I thought she was going to say something, something that would make this whole thing easier. But instead, she just looked away again, biting her lip.

"Maybe we're not strangers," she murmured. "But we're not the same either."

Those words hit harder than I expected. It wasn't like I hadn't known it, but hearing her say it out loud made it feel more real. We weren't the same. We hadn't been the same for a long time.

I didn't know what to say to that, so I just stood there, feeling like an idiot. We'd never been great at talking about feelings, but this—this was something else entirely.

Grace sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I don't know, Johnny. Everything's just... messed up."

"Yeah," I agreed, even though I hated how true it was. "But that doesn't mean we can't... I don't know, figure it out."

She looked at me again, and for a split second, I saw something there—something familiar, something that reminded me of how we used to be before everything went sideways.

But then, just as quickly, it was gone, and she shrugged. "I guess."

It wasn't much, but it was something. It was a start, at least.

"Look," I said, feeling like I was on shaky ground, "I'm not saying we have to go back to how things were or whatever. I just don't want to be... whatever this is. Can we at least not avoid each other?"

She stared at me for a moment, then nodded slowly. "Yeah, I suppose. We can try that."

It wasn't exactly a declaration of friendship, but it was better than nothing. And right now, I'd take anything I could get.

"Okay," I said, nodding as well.

"Okay." She agreed.

The bell rang then, cutting through the tension between us. Grace glanced toward the classroom doors, then back at me.

"I'll see you around, Johnny," she said, her voice quieter now, but softer too.

"Yeah," I replied, watching as she turned and walked away, her ponytail swinging behind her. "See you around, Grace."

As I stood there, watching her disappear down the hall, I couldn't help but feel like things between us were far from figured out. But at least now, maybe we weren't just standing on opposite sides of a wall anymore.

Maybe we'd started to break it down.