ultraviolence // kai anderson

happy birthday

A couple hours later when it was finally time to sing Happy Birthday to Lacey, her mother began herding everyone toward the table. Even Kai was ushered over, but that didn't stop him from being glued to his phone. He pressed his back to the wall with a puzzled expression, and kept hitting a button on his screen, putting it to his ear for less than a minute, then starting over again. Gregory made his first appearance at his sister's party then, having been dragged out of his room as it was obligatory to sing to the birthday girl.

He'd been rolling his eyes but when they came back to rest how they belonged, they landed on me. Down to my feet with furrowed brows, then back up to my face. He made an almost unperceivable whistle and let himself stare a few seconds longer before turning his attention to the cake and party. I checked Kai's face immediately, but what he'd been doing hadn't changed. He didn't even notice what had just happened. I felt almost... guilty? Culpable? There was only one boy I wanted checking me out in this outfit, and it sure as hell wasn't Gregory. That wasn't to say he wasn't conventionally attractive: he had that pushed back brown hair -- the only brunette in his immediate family -- mossy green eyes, and his father's full lips. I'd never thought of him in that way, I'd never really thought of him at all. But it'd be untrue to say the way he looked at me just now didn't stir something in me.

"Okay everybody," Eric began in his loud raspy voice, "in three, two..."

♪ Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you ♪

The crowd of us sang terribly in unison. Lacey's expression was a blend of humility and appreciation. I looked to where Kai stood, but he was gone. He'd disappeared without my noticing, and I continued disinterestedly singing while searching the room for him. I found Gregory first, the only one there with his eyes on me instead of Lacey. I offered a polite smile and kept on singing, but he never looked away. There was an evident feeling of desire from his end, and the way he looked now was as if he'd just formed his first opinion of me.
The moment the song was over and it was clear that Lacey was otherwise preoccupied, I stepped backward out of the dining room and into the living room. I never agreed with their choice to paint those walls red, to me it gave the room an aggressive and dated look. But, the fact that all their accent objects were black helped to balance it out.

I found Kai on the couch, leaned entirely forward and biting his nails while staring off at nothing. I hated to ask again and risk annoying him, but I had to know anyway.

"Are you okay?"

He only stopped biting his nails long enough to respond, "I can't reach my mom. I've called her like ten times. She always picks up, y/n. At first I thought maybe she was sleeping or her phone died but-- I tried my dad, and he didn't pick up either. And I just," he shook his head but his face remained exactly as it was. "I have this really bad feeling."

I looked behind me to the kitchen in hopes of locking eyes with an adult, and when I didn't, I turned back to Kai. "Well have you said anything to your aunt or uncle? Maybe they can call or know what's going on?"

He faced me with a look of hesitant hope, but then he focused on something just behind me. I turned.

"Hey," Gregory stood a few feet away, and jerked his head toward the hallway. "Can you talk for a second?"

I looked to Kai first for approval, maybe even permission. If he'd have said no, I wouldn't have moved. I shouldn't have anyway.

"Be right back," I assured him with a hand on his shoulder, then followed his older cousin down the hall. I purposely positioned myself to be able to watch Kai as we talked.

"You know I always used to just think of you as my little sister's friend," Gregory began, snapping my attention back to him. "But you, I mean you look great."

"Thanks," I replied, willing to leave it at that but then feeling a smidge too rude. "I appreciate that."

"Yeah no problem. Listen," he did a quick look around, "I've got prom coming up and didn't have plans to go but... You look really good in red."

"Oh." It came out almost a question.

"Yeah," he grinned, and only then did it seem that he had any trace of uncertainty or fear of rejection.

"Prom," I repeated, a little louder than necessary, and finally-- Kai stood and locked eyes with me.

"Yeah. Would-" he cleared his throat almost nervously. "Would you wanna go? With me?"

I said nothing. Waiting for any kind of objection or interruption. This moment directly foreshadowed the one in our wedding that the officiant would say "Speak now or forever hold your peace..."
Gregory watched my face relentlessly as Kai, unbeknownst to him, took rather slow and deliberate steps toward us. Time felt like it regressed to 0.25 speed, and only went back to normal as he passed us wordlessly to enter the bathroom at the end of the hall. I took this as his final rejection; he'd had two easy opportunities to confess feelings for me in the past month, and let both slip a way.

I let the idea of Gregory settle over me, excited to that at only fifteen I would be experiencing senior prom with an eighteen year old. How good must I look tonight to have pulled that off?

I told him yes. He looked immediately relieved and gratified. He told me the date, and again that he would love for me to wear red. We rejoined his sister's party then, feeling more like a duo now. Lacey had just been handed the last of her gifts, ready to tear into them with an appropriate balance of gratitude and speed.

"Just a second, it's an unknown number," I overheard Amanda say to her husband, ready to step away with her ringing phone in hand. "Might be my doctor's office." Eric nodded with understanding as she put it to her ear and said hello.

"Yes," she spoke, her face gradually turning from confusion to concern. The party with all of its crowd chattering continued around her even when she froze in place. "Yes, this is she."

Those words and the stunned silence that followed seemed to grab a few more people's attention, including her daughter and husband.

"What?" She gasped, hand gripping her shirt over her chest. "She-- she what?"

The room was silent now as everyone tried to read the situation, all of us waiting for the announcement that this was merely a prank, or that someone Amanda knew had simply won the lottery. It was evident that neither of these were the case when she dropped to her knees right there in the dining room. Eric rushed over to her with his hands on her shoulders, repeating her name in a panicked whisper.

"No," she spoke like he wasn't even there. "Are you positive?! My sister?"

No one could hear the voice on the other end of the phone, but they must've confirmed the worst case scenario. Then, Lacey's mother let out a wail I wouldn't soon forget, and time slowed yet again. Her sister-- Kai's mother.

I whipped around, dizziness already settling in at the reality of the situation. I'd hoped he was still in the bathroom and at least didn't have to witness the phone call, but there he was just a few feet from all of us. Everyone except the Rosses turned to face him at once, and my heart shattered at the look on his face. It was a look of knowing, a look of the worst kind of I was right.
He'd been so upset about his parents, so consumed with anxiety. And he'd been right to worry. It would come out later that year that during a heated instance of domestic violence, his mother had pulled out a pistol she'd gotten without her husband's knowledge, aimed it right between his eyes and pulled the trigger. Seconds later before the shock could even wear off, she put it to her own temple and did the same. And just like that, Kai was the last remaining member of the Anderson household alive.

From that moment forward, it was like he was on autopilot: the shell of a person just going through the motions.