ultraviolence // kai anderson

all i need

    It was easy to hold onto that anger, even weeks later. Easy to remember hearing Gregory call me replaceable, and let that fuel my fury to finally carry out the tasks Kai expected from me. The second time the five of us went out dressed to match the night and end a life, there wasn't a moment's hesitation on my end. In fact, I'd been antsy to get it done and have an outlet to release my pent up rage. When the body of our second victim dropped due to our group effort, I'd stood with my weapon still in hand, and flecks of blood on the exposed part of my face. My eyes widened then found Kai, and smiles spread over both of our faces simultaneously. He came over to stand behind me and admire our work, and his hand landed on the small of my back, then drifted ever-so-slightly lower than appropriate. I didn't dare move for fear making of him think I was uncomfortable. On the contrary, I wished he'd rip my clothes off and take me there. But the look of pride on his face and sincerity in the words he praised me with almost had the same effect.

    That night, Gregory believed me to be going to book club and staying the night with Addison from there. He was pissed about how many nights I'd been spending with my friends lately, and I'd never been to book club in my life. But the amount that we fought made all the time I wanted to spend away more plausible.

    It was just past midnight and we had all just gotten the body taken care of and ourselves cleaned up when I mentioned I'd soon be heading out. Kai looks astounded that I'd even suggest that, and asks how Gregory thinks I'd be getting home so late. I tell him my cover story, and that I suppose I'll go sleep in my car. He gives me a look of something like offense, and leads me by the hand over to the couch where Haven sits.

    Upon seeing Kai's expression she moves immediately, and he guides me further to sit where she'd been, then sits next to me without an inch of space between us. In my peripheral I swear I see the green eyed woman glare at me, but she doesn't say anything. The TV is on and has everyone else's attention, and Haven soon gives it hers as well.

    Kai and I are only sitting there a few seconds before his arm is around me and he's tangling our legs together. When he moves I smell the mixture of his deodorant and sweat, and it's all I can do to not melt right there. Everywhere that our skin is touching is electric, I've never been so aware of my body or anyone else's pressed against it. As hard as it is, I keep my breath steady-- even when his hand comes to rest on the inside of my knee. I have the instinct to barely, subtly open my legs for him, but decide not to push my luck. Instead I let my head fall on his shoulder, and he squeezes my leg while kissing the top of my hair.

    For a fleeting moment, I feel a pang of guilt: I am still a married woman after all. But dear god how long I've wanted this, and I'll do anything to justify it. The way we're clinging to each other now, I reason, is no different than the way I sit with Lacey on movie nights. It's just the way some friendships are, right?

    I fall asleep to sound of reruns and the feeling of Kai all around me.

//

    A couple weeks pass, and it's now mid-October. For once, I'm telling my husband the truth when I say I'm going to hang out with Lacey and Addison. I take a moment to thank whatever kind of god there may be that my husband does not keep in frequent contact with my friends, despite one of them being his sister. It's easily the weakest link in the fence that separates one of my double lives from the other.
    Gregory and I have found a place of contentment in our relationship, as long as neither of us mentions any of the hundred problems we have with one another. When he goes to kiss me goodbye, though, I turn my head so he gets my cheek instead.

    At Lacey's house, she says even her and Everett have been on each other's nerves more than usual lately, and wonders if there's a planet in retrograde we can blame. Their problems are things like disagreeing on dinner, whereas mine and Gregory's have me deciding what things in our home can be used as deadly weapons. Once Addison arrives, she tells us she thinks her boss has been making passes at her but she can't be sure. Lacey asks if he's hot, to which Addison claims is not important.