ultraviolence // kai anderson

labels

    The pressure I'd been feeling eases as the group's demeanor mellows. They're all still looking to Kai with reverence, and I feel strange being the only one on the couch next to him. I find the bravery to speak anyway, "So... what happened to those people? Like, what is this?"

    Nobody answers. Soon, Kai leans back and says, "Tell me what you're thinking. What do you think this is?"

    I blink a few times and suppress the urge to apologize again. There are a lot of sinister ideas and words swimming through my mind at the moment, and there isn't a single one I want to say out loud to a group that consists 60% of strangers. I begin a sentence and end it just as quickly, growing more and more unsure.

    "Eyes on me," Kai speaks calmly. I obey, and the way he seems to be looking straight into my mind and heart with zero judgment does ease my stress a little.

    "Well, I don't know," I shrug. "I mean it almost sounds like you're a... cult leader or something." I wait for a flabbergasted reaction or group laugh to discredit and nullify the words I'd just said-- but nobody so much as chuckles. I look to Kai, who now has a wicked half-grin. Suddenly it feels like just he and I in a darkening room. My breathing becomes shallow, and I cannot will myself to move. I'm not even sure if I want to or not.

    "Is..." I swallow hard. "Is that what you are? A cult leader?"

    The anxiety and anticipation are almost too much. He reaches a hand out to place on my shoulder and tells me, "A man with no label has an allegiance only to what is right."

    I can see the group smiling to each other in my peripheral, nods of approval all around. For a split second, I envision myself running from the house never to return, but I don't dare move. I don't let any fear show on my face, and pray nobody can hear how fast my heart is pounding. Kai's hand slides casually down to mine, then brings his other over to sandwich my smaller hand between both of his. I immediately feel more grounded, and like everything that's just come to light is little more rational than it is.

    "It's alright to be surprised," he assures me. "This isn't something one encounters everyday: a group of people willing to risk their lives and everything that they have and know in order to set things right. Unfortunately, as you've just heard, too many vile, heinous lowlifes slip through the cracks. Those are the ones that deserve our wrath; they are the only ones we go after."

    I'm simultaneously listening to every word he says and thinking my own million other thoughts. Am I sitting in a room full of killers? Serial killers, even? I start mentally replaying as much of my own life as I can, making sure there are no unforgivable sins I've committed and forgotten that might land me on their list.

    "You've just said -- three times over, to be precise -- that you agree with us. You're one of us. You may not have used those exact words, but all of our morals align." He pauses, and the room is silent apart from the buzz of electricity. "We're making hard choices everyday. This thing we're doing together: it's gonna change the world. But I can't do it alone." He removes his hands from mine and places them on either side of my face instead. I'm not nearly prepared for the intimacy of it, and my mind clears of all things besides this. Besides Kai. He ends with, "You and me, all five of us, we got something. Y/n... can I count on you?"

    Lost in the dark intensity of his eyes and the warmth of his skin against mine, I give in completely. I'm entirely his by the time I croon, "Now and forever."

//

    A few hours have gone by. Stories have been shared, laughs had been had, and a questionable bottle of unlabeled pills had been passed around. Suppressing as much of my hesitation as possible, I'd asked Kai what they were, but he only said not to worry. He said he takes them regularly, they're safe, and that if I wanted to show I really trusted him, I'd have some as well. So I did.
    They'd made me a bit dizzy at first, but once I rested on the couch, the vertigo settled into an enjoyable sedation. Now the room feels lighter, it feels easier to interact with everyone as we get to know each other. More accurately, as all of them get to know me and vice versa; the three of them already seem well acquainted. By the time it's time to leave, I feel like I'm beginning to trust these people, especially if Kai says I can. There's a sincerity in his voice when he speaks to each of us that says he's looking out for our best interests, and cares for us. A new sense of safety and excitement for life settles over me as he walks me to the front door.