ultraviolence // kai anderson

unconventional

       The signatures of two witnesses, our own two signatures, and an officiant to finish the job: that's what we need to proceed-- and that's about as far invested as my elation will let me in on the project. While Kai has made phone call after phone call over the course of the last hour, I sit in a euphoric daze on the edge of the bed, staring motionless with a goofy grin on my face at the shiny rock that has dubbed me Kai's fiancee. How many contrasting emotions can one person feel in a 24 hours period? Cause I'm sure I've felt just about all of them: I've been at the lowest low, and now float at the highest high.

   Kai ends the final call and the sudden silence gets my attention. I watch him with unbridled adoration as he walks over with an unusually pleasant expression and takes both of my hands in his, "Just how soon are you ready to be my wife?"

   My heart leaps at the question and I smile even wider if possible. I imagine even with people on the inside, the backdate will still leave us with three days to kill. "Like ten years ago," I blurt, then realize seemingly at the same time as him that we wouldn't have even been 15 yet. "Well, you know what I mean."

   "I do," he agrees with amusement and kisses my temple. "How about tomorrow morning?"

   My brows raise in confusion but my eager pulse accelerates. "How?"

   He looks more than willing to explain, almost prideful about how he's figured it all out and planned ahead perfectly. "Last night once I was sure you were asleep, I went to this pawn shop I found around here that's open 24 hours. Anything I owned worth having, I traded for that ring." He gestures to my hand and I clutch my heart in flattery, but don't interrupt. He continues explaining, "On my way there I was already certain in my decision, so I called Sterling, who now and then works overnights for me for occasions such as this. I told him to immediately start the process of getting us a license. As expected, he estimated that it'd take three days at least for that to happen."

   I mentally pat myself on the back for having gotten that right, but only nod for him to go on.

   "Sterling is far from the only 'crooked cop' on the police force, if you can even call him that. There are even some higher ups in the court system that owe me; this, our insider, and a small chunk of blood money are the reasons we were able to backdate the marriage license to be ready and available in 24 hours."

   The details sank in and drifted away almost simultaneously, all I heard was that I'd be Kai's wife in less than a day. I slide off the bed and onto my knees to be eye level with him where he'd been crouched in front of me, "You're amazing, you're amazing!"

   There's no humility in Kai to deny my claim, so he doesn't, only embraces the hug I force him into. With my arms encircling his neck we sway side to side as best we can without tipping over, and his large hand runs slowly up and down my back. If I had the chance to meld into him and make the two of us one person I'd do it in a second, but this -- and our impending marriage -- will have to do.

   That night, I finally get all of our thrift store clothes cleaned and dried in the hotel's washing area. Momentarily I let myself mourn that I wouldn't be wearing anything wedding appropriate tomorrow, let alone something I'd choose were I given an option. I wouldn't burden Kai with such insecurities; he's gone through enough to make this happen and doesn't need such trivial pestering as to what my attire will be. I'll smell good, I'll look good, and I'll be Mrs. Kai Anderson: that'd be enough for 10 lifetimes.
    When I get back to our room with the basket of fresh laundry, Kai is wearing nothing but the ponytail holder in his hair. I set the basket on the floor without taking my widened eyes from his captivating physique.

   "What'd I do to deserve this?" I abandon the forgotten laundry and saunter over to run my hands down his bare sides, stopping to rest at his hips. He blinks down at me quite a few quick times in succession, but keeps his features schooled to neutrality-- the rising goosebumps on his biceps give him away.

   "Strip to match," he tells me rather than asks, and squeezes my hand once before taking the few steps over to the bathroom door frame. "We're taking a bath."

   Another statement in place of a request, but I have no complaints or desire to decline. Once my outfit joins his in the discarded pile on the floor, I follow where he disappeared into the enormous bathroom. The cracked door gave no implication to how steamy it was in there, but I was thankful that the warm, lavender scented air rid me of the chill I'd had since being naked. Kai sat comfortably in the large and deep tub filled just over halfway with bubbly water. Upon seeing me, he tried and failed to fight a grin during his once-over, and moved forward in the tub with his knees in front of his chest.

   He watched me for as long as possible as I lifted one left after the other to step into the water, which was a perfect balance of above body temperature but not unbearable to immediately sink into. Which I did, and it rose as I descended.

   This has to be the peak of comfort and security.

   As he reached up to take his hair out from a bun, I noticed the tiny bottles of hair and body care on the side of the tub, courtesy of the hotel. By the time he shook his blue waves loose, I had poured some of the body wash into my palm, and lathered it for just a second before beginning to gently scrub over Kai's broad shoulders and back.

   He seemed to relax more at my touch, and his voice was calm and even when he spoke, "I won't be here when you wake up tomorrow." The announcement was startling, but my movements didn't falter and I didn't speak. I knew now he wouldn't be leaving me, so I waited for the explanation I knew was coming.

   After a few painfully silent seconds he said, "That doesn't upset you?"

   I cup my hands and fill them with warm water to pour over his back and remove the suds. "You want it to?"

   "Slightly."

   "Okay," I say, and hope my voice conveys my bemused smile. "It does. But I'm sure you have good reason, so..." I trail off for him to explain as I continue thoroughly wetting his hair in preparation for shampoo.

   "There are a few last minute things I need to make sure get done right, but I also wanted to make at least one thing about this traditional."

   "What do you mean?" My nails scratch gently over his scalp, fully coating his hair in the sandalwood scented wash.

   He shrugs a shoulder, "Come on. We won't exactly be taking each other's innocence tomorrow night."

   I snicker to myself, and he adds, "And it's not like your dad can even walk you down the aisle, or either of us will be having a first dance with a parent..." He trails off and sympathetic sorrow washes over me thinking of all the loss he's suffered, but I usher it away as I know Kai would hate little else more than being pitied. "So, one thing will be traditional. That being that I don't see you until you meet me in front of the podium. I know this situation isn't exactly... what you pictured."

   I exhale a sort of smothered laugh through my nose, and shook my head fondly at the man in front of me. I want to tell him that I had already been walked down the aisle, and had a first dance with my father. I'd worn a huge white dress, gotten the cake, the cards... had everything but a husband I'd love for eternity. Now I would.
    And after everything Kai had already done and risked for me starting from the moment we entered Dave's house, he was still thinking of tiny ways for me to have what I want. To think of him being this for anyone else, or letting another soul have the power I have over him, just seeing him in such a vulnerable state as he is now -- mentally and physically -- felt like sacrilege.

   Eventually I say, "That's... really thoughtful. Thank you."

He doesn't respond in words at first, only leans more into my touch as I rinse his hair and prepare to finally condition it. When he does speak again, he says, "And just so we're clear-- I would've married you ten years ago, too."

//

      In the morning, it's just as he'd said: there's no one lying next to me in the big white bed, and a good portion of his things are gone. This would have been only briefly unnerving had I not been woken up by rapid knocking on the door. My muscles tense and I make no movement -- not even exhaling the huge breath I took in. I stare with uncertainty at the door wishing that'd make me able to see through it, but I'm only a deer in the headlights. If it were Kai, he'd surely say something. But he told me he'd be gone, and a quick glance around shows me there's no note lying around announcing any kind of return.

   The fist on the other side of the door pounds on the wood again, and this time rattles the door knob. Fuck, what do I do? What would he do? Finally I sit up, as slowly and quietly as I can, aiming to look through the tiny peep hole and pray there isn't a gun pointed at me from the other side.

   The second my feet hit the floor, whoever's on the other side has seemingly lost all patience as there are no more breaks in their incessant knocking. My hands fly to the sides of my head and I look helplessly around the room for a heavy object that isn't bolted to the wall or a table: there are none. But I have got to stop this noise now, because even if I don't ever answer it's sure to attract someone's attention.

   "God, stop it!" I blurt, anger evident in my hushed tone; but they do stop. "I'm coming."

   If it's the police, I tell myself, at least it's only me in this room. Kai is elsewhere, safe and sound. And I genuinely have no idea on his whereabouts, so I couldn't tell them even if I wanted to. One hand lands on the knob while the other unhooks the lock, and I tell myself that Kai being willing to marry me has to be, in my mind, as good as having it for real. It's the closest I may ever get. I squeeze my eyes shut, exhale, and swing the door open.

   "Good morning to you too," a familiar voice has my eyes flying back open. "Feeling a little more Bridezilla this time around?"

   "Lacey!" I throw my arms around her, and all the bulky things in her arms, and we stumble as I attempt to drag us both into the room.

   "How's it going, Bonnie?" She laughs into my hair when I kick the door closed. Ha ha, I dryly say in my head, assuming that makes Kai my Clyde.

   "It's up and down," I finally release her, and we have matching smiles. "As you apparently know; what are you doing here?!"

   "Well, you need a witness, and it seems that there's no outcome in this life where I'm not your sister-in-law," she says as she drops her items on the bed and blows a few loose hairs out of her face. When she looks back at me, she again mirrors my smile. "And sisters don't let sisters wear that on their wedding day."

   Ignoring the somersault my heart does at the mention of wedding day, I look down at what is obviously pajamas and open my mouth to defend myself. Lacey cuts in before I can, gesturing to each thing she mentions. "Or wear their hair like that, or..." She stops herself for a second before saying, "Well, you actually do your makeup pretty well-- but I still wanna be here for it."

   I fight tears as I chuckle at the ridiculous situation, and just how much I appreciate my best friend, and sister-to-be (again). "I won't put you through another hug, but I'm mentally squeezing you," I tell her, and my gaze goes over her shoulder to the discarded mass on the bed. "Now what is all that stuff?"

   "If you were mentally squeezing me before, I don't wanna know what you're doing to me in there after this," she teases as she lifts the biggest bag and begins unzipping it. After a minor struggle and request that I hold the end stable for her, what she pulls out has my jaw dropping and leaves me with no shot of fighting those aforementioned tears.

   "My wedding dress?" I mutter in disbelief. It is my wedding dress, only it's not.

   "Your new and improved wedding dress," she politely corrects. "By yours truly."

   I pinch at the shoulders of the dress and run my hands down the sheer sleeves that weren't previously there. They have lace floral patterns throughout, and look just the right amount of breathable but warm for a winter wedding. The slightly deeper V on the the neckline is the next thing to catch my attention; though it was always an off the shoulder dress, it'd been a cowl neck before. "H-How?"

   "Not without an overnight struggle, let me tell you," Lacey feigns exasperation but explains, "I can't tell you how many times -- and I say this with love -- you complained about how your dress was not what you'd imagined or hoped. You said without sleeves, and with such a high neckline and lack of waistline that you looked like a pillar."

   I laugh at my own past insults, and continue looking in amazement over the newly perfected dress as Lacey goes on.

   "Twenty-four hour notice to get your dress, fix it up myself, and get all the way out here was less than ideal, but lucky for you and Ramona Flowers, I love you both." She breaks from admiring her work with me to glance sideways and say, "Don't tell him I called him that. Anyway, the hardest part really was finding a place that had dress sleeves for sale, and keeping Everett in the dark on my sewing shenanigans. But it's done, he thinks I'm catching up with Chloe from high-school right now and, voila, here we are."

As little as I ever wanted to think about Gregory again, especially today, I can't help but realize the negative belief I held about him the past couple years has just been without-a-doubt confirmed. Of everyone in my circle -- him, Lacey, Jace, even Kai though he was absent -- my ex husband loved me the least of all of them.