Dear journal,
I found something interesting today. A met a wonderful, beautiful, talented little thing named May. She's as short and sweet as the month she's named after. She's everything the Haus of Lyon needs but I don't know how to get her on my...
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Dear Journal,
Do you remember what I said about the other shoe dropping?
I'm still waiting but I'm certain it's going to drop and I'll be left reeling.
I'm sitting in my apartment, waiting for May.
Something seemed off with her today; she blamed it on the late nights we've been having.
I had hoped to surprise her tonight. I prepared a meal, ran a hot bath with her favorite oils, and even lit the fireplace I rarely use. Now, it's almost midnight, and I'm growing increasingly worried. All of my calls to her go straight to voicemail, and I can feel my anxiety rising with each unanswered ring.
As I write this, memories of the day my ex left me flood back.
That was such a shitty day.
I remember standing on the sidewalk with her favorite flowers in my hand. I had been so excited because I was going to surprise her with a trip to Paris. Instead I got a front row seat as she kissed James more passionately than she ever kissed me. When she saw me, she didn't look surprised or concerned. She looked right past me, as if I were nothing.
The sting of that moment has stayed with me, a wound that finally healed.
It was a painful lesson.
I spiralled for a whole month until Carla dragged me out. That woman was persistent, emptying out my liquor cabinet and practically drowning me in a bathtub. I owe her so much, she was the one who made an appointment with the therapist.
May isn't like that.
She adores me, and I know it.
I can't let my past loom over our present. My therapist would be proud of me for facing my emotions instead of swallowing them. I can't let fear and insecurity ruin what we have. I need to trust her and give her the benefit of the doubt.
Im going to head back to my office. Maybe she's there, working late again. I can't just sit here and let my mind spiral into dark places. I need to take action, to find her and make sure she's okay.
