I Love You - B.E.

Chapter Tweny-One - Y/n

Billie and I haven't talked in six months. I've seen videos and clips of her while she's on tour, and she seems happy. I don't want to mess with that. I understand that I hurt her, and at the time, I didn't really understand what I did wrong, but the more I thought about it, the more I understood it.

She liked me the same way I liked her. But she wanted a relationship. I don't do relationships. Although there were times when I thought Billie would be able to change my mind. She made me so happy, and I felt good about myself when I was around her. But I fucked up and now we haven't talked in months.

A part of me feels as though I should've reached out to her six months ago when all of that happened, but I knew that if she wanted to talk to me, she would've. And I thought that it would've been better if I had let her come to me. Maybe she didn't want to be disappointed again, which makes sense to me. I know that I hurt and disappointed her in so many ways. I wish I could go back and change it, but I can't. I guess I just fucked everything up with her.

"Are you alright, Y/n?" I snap out of my thoughts and look at Violet and my brother. Oh, yeah, they did end up getting together. I nod.

"Yeah, I'm great," I tell her.

"Are you thinking about Billie again?" Nick asks. I just shake my head no and don't say anything. He doesn't believe me anyway. I'm pretty much always thinking about her. And thinking about the things I shouldn't have done and what I could've done to change what I had done. But that doesn't matter anymore. I need to stop thinking about that. We haven't talked in six months. I don't think we're ever gonna talk again. She definitely hates me, so what's the point of still thinking about it?

"You should definitely try to get a hold of her," Violet says. I roll my eyes and keep poking at the food on my plate. I really have no appetite.

"There's really no point. She's probably too busy right now with the tour to even think about texting anybody back. Especially me. We all know she hates me," I tell her.

"I'm sure she doesn't hate you. She was probably just mad at you for a little while," she tries to reassure me. I scoff.

"She literally told me never to speak to her again. I think that means she hates me," I tell her again.

"Or it could've just been the heat of the moment, and she was just upset,"

"Of course she was upset. I hooked up with someone else," I remind her. She nods.

"Yeah, but like you've said, you weren't even together. However, from what you've told me, you pretty much acted like you were," she's right. I did act like it. Only because that's really what I wanted, but I didn't want to put a label on anything. I liked the way things were between us. I was drunk when it happened. That's no excuse, but that's the only reason I can think of as to why that happened or why I did it. Besides, we probably would've stopped talking anyway. She was getting ready to go on tour and probably wouldn't have the time to deal with me anyway. Maybe it was a good thing.

Definitely not.

-

I've spent so long debating whether or not I want to text Billie. I always remind myself that she said she didn't want me talking to her. And I've been telling myself that if she wanted to talk, she would text me. But she hasn't. That probably means that she doesn't want to.

I've also thought about texting Claudia or Finneas to see how she's doing, but I feel like that's overstepping a boundary. I just really want to know how she's doing. But also, if she wanted to talk, she would've texted me a while ago.

I wish I wasn't such a fucking idiot.

-

I'm sitting in the office at work, doing some stupid manager bullshit because Cassie decided to quit and suggest I take over the spot and the higher-ups agreed. I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. I pull it out of my pocket and see a text from Claudia What the fuck? Why would she be texting me? I quickly unlocked my phone to see what she said.

Claudia: Hey

Me: Hi?

Claudia: Where are you?

Me: Why?

Claudia: Just tell me

Me: I'm at work right now

Claudia: When do you get off?

Me: Nine. Why are you texting me?

She doesn't respond to that message. What the fuck is she questioning me so much for? And Why? She's on tour with Billie and Finneas. Why does she need to know where I'm at and when I get off work? So many questions run through my head. This is so random. Especially since I haven't talked to her in months. Not since the last time Billie and I had talked. Well, I guess we didn't talk. She yelled and I was being a dumbass. I'm never gonna forgive myself for that.

I lock the doors and walk to my car. I looked at my phone to see if Claudia had ever texted me back but she hadn't. I really want to know what that was about. I can't understand why she would randomly text me after we hadn't talked in months.

By the time I get home, I'm extremely exhausted. I quickly got into the shower and then climbed into bed. I scrolled on my phone for a little while. Every time my phone buzzed I half hoped it would be Claudia but it never was. Why would she not respond? I'm so confused. None of this makes sense at all. Right as I was about to fall asleep there was a knock at my front door. Who could possibly be knocking at my door in the middle of the night? I get up and walk to the front door and I open it. I stand there in shock.

"Hi,"