So High School

Disappointment

!TW!

I search through my closet, looking for some type of outfit that covers what I need. Why do I have so many tank tops? I don't even wear them.

I end up in a black skirt, with a green top with sleeves flowing out to my wrists. I put on light makeup, just covering the bruises. If I wore any more I'd get everything taken away by my dad. And then I'd get yelled at again for showing the bruises, and then he'd make more bruises. It's a never ending cycle, so I just do what I can.

I walk downstairs and start to walk out the door when my father yells out. "Where do you think your going? Looking like that? Your not going anywhere after my phone call with your teacher."

"But-" I stop. I can't talk back, what was I thinking? This is why your a disappointment, you can't even think before you speak. "I'll head back up to my room."

He nods and says something under his breath that I can't decipher while I walk back up to my room. But not for long, because I'll just use my other exit.

I throw a towel under me before I jump out the window, making sure that I don't step in any mud this time. I start to walk to the front of my house, but I see my dad on the porch. Shit, I'll just have to walk. If I get in my car I'm caught.

I have to hold my shoes while I'm walking, to keep them from getting wet. Not the ideal situation, but I make due.

After walking for god knows how long, I hear a familiar voice coming from my left.

"Rep! Finally you made it, almost thought you ditched us!" Midnights says, sitting on the steps to the house.

I smile at Mid. "Why aren't you going inside?" I say as I put my shoes back on.

She points at the cigarette in her hand and follows up with "Won't let me in. They said the smell will get them caught by their parents. So boring." I don't say it, but their right. Anywhere Midnights goes ends up smelling like the front of a gas station for the next week.

She tosses out the cigarette in the grass and follows me inside. Immediately, I'm greeted by music, dancing, people. Lots of people. I go to a lot of parties, but every time the people stress me out.

"Is it just me, or is everyone getting closer?" I say. Midnights laughs. "Maybe I just need a drink."

"That's always the answer." We walk over to the kitchen, and grab a cup of whatever is sitting out on the counter. There's definitely some alcohol in this, but I don't really care. In fact, I like it.

---------------------------------

"Nine!" I yell out as I see 1989 walking in, with some of her other friends from volleyball. She looks around, trying to find the source of the voice, and when she finds us she smiles and walks over.

"What's in this?" She asked, smelling the cup in my hand. I actually didn't know what was in it, but she would take it away if I said it. She's the only one that keeps me and Mid from being too stupid.

"Just some.. punch!" I reply, a smile on my face. I don't think she bought it though, because she snatches the cup out of me and Midnights hands.

Me and Midnights both yell out at Nine to bring the cups back, but she doesn't seem to care.

She comes back a few minutes later with some cookies and water. "You two are a disappointment. I can't leave you alone for ten minutes!" She chuckles as she says it, and I know she's just joking, but I know those words all too well. I laugh along, but it's not funny.

The words are still echoing through my head five minutes later. Disappointment. Fits perfectly into the words my dad uses to describe me, and they all are right, so that one is too.

Disappointment. Worthless. Fat. Coward. Bitch. Weak.

"Where's the bathroom?" I ask, staring at the floor. If I make eye contact with someone right now, I'd show too much emotion.

Midnights has already walked away to go flirt with some random brunette in the corner, but Nine points over to a hallway. "Third door on the right."

I nod and start walking, pushing myself through the barricade of people. Most of them know me and move out of the way, but some of them won't move.

"Can you get out of my fucking way?" I snarl at a guy, who was blocking the hallway.

"Feisty one, aren't you?" He says as him and his friends laugh. At me. Their laughing at me.

All I see is red as I punch him in the nose. Pretty easy, since I had about five inches on him. He falls to the floor, screaming something at me I can't make out. All of his friends rush over to help him up, but I walk away before anyone says anything to me. Nobody else gets in my way as I make my way to... wait what room was it? I think the alcohol is getting to my head. I can't even remember which room I was told.

I open a random door that seems to be empty and shut it. I didn't need it to be a bathroom anyway. I lock the door to make sure nobody is behind me, and reach into my bag.

I'm digging around, feeling for anything sharp, but can't find anything. Shit. I dump my whole bag on the floor, and finally find a compact mirror I got from my mom two years ago. I didn't really want to break it, but god I needed it.

I hit it against the floor, breaking the mirror into a bunch of pieces, and grab one of the sharp shards.

I roll up my sleeve, which already had blood on it from reopening a scab I made earlier in the week. I take the mirror and poke it into my skin until blood starts to drip out, and then slid it across my wrist. Again. Again. Until my whole arm was covered in blood. The words disappointment play on repeat in my head over and over the entire time.

I'm about to make another mark, when the doorknob starts to twist. Oh my god. I thought i locked the fucking door.

I scramble around, sliding my sleeve back down and start to pick up the mirror shards.

"Oh- I uh.. Sorry! I thought this room was empty!" The girl says, now starting to leave the room. I stand up and grab my bag.

"I'm actually just leaving! All yours!" I say and walk towards the door, but stop in my tracks when I hear the girl crying. Wait why do I care if she's crying? Since when do I care about that? I turn my head around and pull up her chin with my hand. "What's wrong?"

I expected her to just say nothing, and then I would just walk out. No harm done. But she doesn't say that, she just grabs me and hugs me, putting her head in my chest to cry. I don't know what to do with this. I don't comfort people. What do I say? Do I say anything? Do I push her off of me? I normally would shover her away from me, but it felt good and warm to get a hug. I just stood there while she cried, waiting for her to talk.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry! They are so mean out there! They-" She stammered. "They were calling me names, and then they cornered me, and then I ran away and they laughed at me!"

I wasn't really sure what to say, so I just gave her a pat on the head. "Who was it?" I asked, looking down at her, still sobbing into my arms.

She shrugs her shoulders. "I don't know. I'm not cool enough to go to these parties! Nobody even knows me here!" She seems like she's going to say something else, but it is drowned out by sobs.

"Well I think your pretty cool. What's your name?" I question. She answers, but I can't understand a word she's saying. "What?" I ask again.

"L-L-Lover." She says in a quiet tone, almost like a mouse. Immediately she tucks her head back into my chest and starts crying again. All of this crying stuff is really stressing me out. I feel like I'm taking care of a small child.

I smile at Lover and reply. "That's a beautiful name, don't you think? I'm Reputation."

We don't say anything else, but I think she cries in my arms for the next ten minutes.

1451 Words

Is the amount I'm putting into each chapter a good amount? I'm new to this, if you couldn't tell. I feel so bad for rep though tbh. (I'm gonna make it so much worse soon)