44. I'm addicted to the if only

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"Aimee? Where are you? Are you okay? We've all been so worried about you." Tracey blurted out, surprised the phone call had actually connected.

She'd been phoning Aimee on an almost daily basis since she'd vanished from the hotel. She'd left so many voicemails over the three week period, none of which had ever been answered, she had assumed Aimee was just going to ignore her forever.

"I'm sorry, Trace." Aimee said softly. "I didn't mean to worry you, I just couldn't be there with..." she stopped, unsure of what she'd been about to say. There were about a hundred different reasons why she'd fled in the end.

"Tom back at Red Bull?" Tracey offered.

"How did you?" Aimee spluttered.

"Lando ran into him a club in town the day you left." Tracey explained. "Or should I say Lando's fist ran into his face? That might be a more accurate description."

"Oh god. He didn't." Aimee gasped. "This is exactly what I was trying to avoid."

"He deserved it." Tracey brushed it off. "If anything I think we're all sad Lando didn't hit him harder."

Aimee hesitated before asking the next question, not sure if she wanted to know the answer. "Is Lando okay?"

"In terms of fighting Tom, yes." Tracey sighed. "A bit of a black eye and a split lip I hear."

"That's not what I meant." Aimee said quietly.

"No, he's not." Tracey said. "I haven't seen him but he's been calling me like mad wanting to know if I'd heard from you. You need to talk to him, Aimee. He doesn't deserve this."

"I know." Aimee whispered. "But I can't, Tracey."

"Where are you?" Tracey asked. "I haven't done anything with your resignation yet, by the way. You could still come back."

"I can't." Aimee shook her head.

"Where are you?" Tracey asked again. "Why don't we talk about this properly?"

"I'm not going to tell you where I am, Trace. If I do that Lando's going to be stood on the doorstep this time tomorrow. I'm not stupid."

"Would that be the worst thing?" Tracey asked. "You two love eachother, you both deserve to be happy."

"Stop, please. I just... can you tell him I'm okay? I'm safe, I'm sorting myself out. This is just the way things need to be. It was never going to work between us, even if I really wanted it to."

"Aimee." Tracey sighed. "Don't do this."

"You need to take my resignation, Tracey. I'm not coming back. It's time for all of us to move on. It's for the best."

"Aimee-"

"Goodbye, Tracey." Aimee hung up the call before Tracey could say anything else, sinking back against the sofa in her parent's living room.

"Hey stranger." Aimee's head snapped up at the sound of a familiar voice in the doorway.

"Sophie?" Her voice came out as a croak, tears already streaming down her face.

Her sister came barrelling across the room, wrapping her in a hug so tight it almost took her breath away.

"God I've missed you." Sophie choked out. "I'm so happy you're here."

"I'm so sorry about the wedding. I would've been there I promise I just-"

"Mum told me." Sophie cut her off. "It's water under the bridge now, don't worry about it. How are you doing?"

"Tell me I'm doing the right thing here, Soph?" Aimee whispered.

Sophie pulled a face that was all Aimee needed to know she wasn't going to like her sister's answer.

"I mean from what mum told me, as much as I love you and I'm glad you're back, you're an absolute idiot." Sophie said.

Aimee couldn't help but laugh. Her sister had never been one to hold back. "Don't beat around the bush will you."

"Sorry." Sophie laughed. "But someone needs to give you a kick up the ass and tell you to get your shit together, don't they? I mean from what mum said you've met this amazing guy, who clearly bloody loves you by the way, and what you abandoned him in the middle of the night and legged it back here?"

"It wasn't the middle of the night." Was all Aimee had to offer in her defence.

Sophie rolled her eyes at her. "So come on, tell me. Why did you run? Who is this guy, anyway?"

"Lando Norris." Aimee said quietly, looking down at the floor, feeling herself blush under her sister's incredulous gaze.

"I'm sorry, what?!" Sophie spluttered. "Mum left out the part where this knight in shining armour who's in love with my sister also happens to be a bloody formula one driver. You better start explaining Aimee!"

"I met him working at McLaren." Aimee shrugged. "He's a nice guy."

"Yeah I got that from the part where mum said he saved you from that other dickhead." Sophie rolled her eyes. "Tell me something I don't know."

Aimee was quiet for a minute. "God I've missed you." She whispered.

"I know, we'll do all the sappy stuff later... now tell me about Lando so I can decide how completely insane I think you are."

Aimee found herself starting back at the beginning, keeping her eyes trained on the floor as she spoke about what had happened in Monaco with Tom. She knew if she looked sat her sisters face she wouldn't be able to get the words out.

"So let me get this straight." Sophie interrupted. "This guy saved your life, sat with you in the hospital, took you in to his home and nursed you back to health, told you he loved you and you ran away?"

"When you say it like that it makes it sound really, really stupid." Aimee mumbled.

"I'm not saying that, I'm just trying to understand." Sophie said. "You love him?"

"Yes." Aimee said quietly.

"Then what are you doing here?"

"It's not that simple." Aimee shook her head.

"Why not?"

"Because, for starters Tom is back at Red Bull and I can't cope with seeing him every weekend." Aimee started. "And then there's everything that would come with being with Lando. I'm pretty sure McLaren wouldn't allow me to work there and be dating their driver, that's before you even factor in the press and the fans... all the other stuff that comes with it. I think maybe if things had been different... I don't know, maybe we would've been happy together. But they're not, are they? So maybe we just leave it at that."

"Have you spoken to him at all since you left?" Sophie asked.

Aimee shook her head. "I can't. He's either going to want to try again, and believe me if he asks I'll cave in. Or he's going to be mad at me for what I did, which I more than deserve."

Sophie was quiet for a moment. "If I thought that this was actually what you wanted, I'd support it. But I don't think it is. I think you're sabotaging yourself because you feel like you don't deserve to be happy." She paused. "I can only imagine what living like that with Tom was like for you, and I don't know if that's the reason why you feel like you don't deserve to be happy, if that's what he's convinced you. But it's not the truth, I know that, so do mum, dad and Lando. You've got your life back, Aimee. You've gotta live it."

"Did you just come here to make my cry?" Aimee choked out.

"No, I came to tell my little sister I love her and I've missed her." Sophie smiled. "And also that she deserves to be happy."

"What if it's too late?" Aimee whispered.

"There's only one way to find out." Sophie shrugged. "You can't spend the rest of your life thinking 'if only'."

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