Hating Emilia

28

-Emilia Diaz-
*TW*

My mom calls me down for dinner. I go downstairs followed by Bambi "oh- she was with you I thought she got out again" she says releasing a breath.

I nod "yeah, she kept biting my pencil case though." I say sitting at the table, my father sets the food down.

"Is anyone coming over?" I ask and my dad shakes his head "Claire's busy with dance, and Ev wasn't feeling the best today." He says and I nod slowly with a frown knowing exactly what he meant.

I remember having to see Evelyn with her attacks, they were scary seeing at a young age, and I'm sure way worse living.

"Sorry I didn't help with the table, I was doing homework and studying, also coming up with some work for Ethan to do." I say grabbing food

"Don't worry, Em" my mom says sitting down and I smile softly, but stare down at the food.

It's not a lot. But it looks like a lot. I try my hardest not to figure out how many Calories this could be, I pick at the food for a bit. It's getting harder to eat each day.

Ethan already saw me eating three times, what did he think each time?

Before eating, I feel like I need to stop right now, like if I don't stop eating right now everything in me will stop.

I feel my parents eyes on me and when I look up my mom's eyes are soft, as if she's reading my thoughts. She knows.

So I take another bite, I force myself to eat so they don't think of anything, I feel disgusting.

We talk for a small period of time before I tell them I'm going upstairs to get ready for bed, because no. I didn't do that before.

Hannah, Sam, and Aria wanted the homework answers so I had to give them that.

And I had my homework to do, and also figure out some questions to write for Ethan for our next tutoring session

I grab my pajamas and go to my bathroom, I lock the door and try avoiding the mirror, I turn my music on to full volume, the shower on so my parents don't hear me, and then open the toilet lid.

I force out what I ate. Tears fill my eyes, I feel my body getting hot from how hard I'm forcing the food out, my stomach hurts because of it, my throat burns.

My teeth scrape against my fingers, but I don't stop until I feel empty, my stomach feels empty, my body feels tired, I take in a heavy breath, flush the toilet and try getting up without feeling the need to sit down against the wall.

Black dots cover my vision but I shake it away, I shower, brush my teeth so I don't have to go to bed with the pukey smell.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

I did the same thing once I got to school, and I don't feel good, at all.

I feel horrible, my stomach hurts, I have a headache, and each time I get up I feel like I'll pass out.

I went straight to my first period classroom after the bathroom, no one was in here, I lay my head on the desk

Ignoring the door opening and the footsteps "Emilia?" I hear someone say, I look up and see Mr. Delaney staring at me

"Oh- hi, Sir" I pick my head up from off the desk, he gives me a smile "what's wrong?" He asks walking closer to me

"Nothing, I'm okay" I say, he walks closer "are you sure? You don't look so good." He tells me