Hating Emilia

32

-Emilia Diaz-
*TW*

I'm going back to school today, and I'm nervous, like really nervous.

I feel like I'll throw up.

I go to my bathroom and shower, throwing on baggy jeans a t-shirt and Ethan's hoodie.

The other day..when I had that panic attack in his house, I felt weird.

He's never seen me like that, and honestly, I've never seen myself like that.

I walk to my vanity and put my jewelry on, not having energy for makeup, I make my bed instead.

I rub my eyes feeling nervous, I don't know what to do, I'm scared.

I tie my hair up into a ponytail and grab my stuff going downstairs

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

My mom drops me off at school and I stare at the building "if anything happens, if you don't feel like you're ready..call me?" She said with a small smile

I nodded and opened the car door leaving and walking in, going to my locker seeing Ethan is there already "hey" he said

"Hey, Ethan" I say and he nodded "you okay?" He asked, I shrugged "I don't know..." I whispered Ethan pulls me in and wraps his arm across my shoulders, kissing my head

The first bell rings and Ethan looks at me, I nod my head slowly and hold his hand, following him to our English class.

When we get there, the doors opened, and my heart stops when I see him, I can't do this.

I can't, I just can't, he's still here? Why is he still working?

I let go of Ethan's hand and run to the nearest bathroom, opening the first stall and releasing the vomit I've been holding since I woke up.

I cough and wipe my mouth and sigh, I can't go back there, not now, I'm too scared.

So, I stay where I am. Nervous, scared, panicking, sick, is what I'm feeling

What do I do? Do I go to English? Do I deal with the possibility of it happening again?

What if I don't get into a good enough college because of this?

I run a hand through my hair and rest my head against the bathroom stall until the bell rings.

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

The bell finally rings, and I leave the bathroom, seeing Ethan under the stairs, gets up and walks to me, not saying anything just hugging me

"Thank God you're okay." He mumbled, "I didn't mean to scare you, I'm sorry." I tell him, his hold tightens and I relax "I should probably go to my next classes." I say and he hums.

I walk to my next class and sit there, my leg bounces with nerves at the thought that Mr. Delaney is in the same building as me.

He can't do anything? Right? I mean...he already did, but he won't do it again? I think..I hope.

I resume my classes like I always have, calm, paying attention and everything else.

But I'm still nervous, like very nervous, I don't know how I'm focusing at all.

None of my teachers have brought up how I've missed about two weeks worth of school, which I'm thankful for.