My Big Man Baby

Ohm

I held onto Gawin tightly as I cried. It's been quite a tough ride so far. Just then, I heard a soft knock on my door. I pulled away from him, wiping my tears and going to open the door.

Thanat stood there, teary himself.

"I'm sorry, P...for whatever I did. I.. "

I didn't let Thanat finish as I hugged him tightly. It has not been easy for him either. I remembered Gawin's words and muttered, "It's ok. You are doing very well as it is. Do not be hard on yourself, ok?"

Thanat's stance relaxed, and he hugged me even more tightly. Maybe that's all he needed to hear. We pulled away, both brothers red rimmed and teary. My mother stood in the background looking at us. We both went to her and hugged her tightly. It was a little sob fest, but that was very much needed.

We pulled away, and my mother told us she had some snacks prepared. She told us to come have it soon. Thanat said he would wash his face and come. I let them go and turned to Gawin, who was still standing where he was, smiling softly at me. Something about him struck me deep, and I just went back to him, throwing myself onto him. Thankfully, he held onto me and swung me a bit. I chuckled, and we pulled away looking at each other.

Just then, I said something I never thought I would. "Would you kiss me, P? Please?"

Gawin just looked at me, his eyes taking on a slightly confused look, but it was replaced so quickly with a look of determination. He leaned in to kiss me quickly, as if I would change my mind or he would. The kiss seemed slightly urgent but also full of desire. We pulled away, and I looked at him, my eyes slightly dazed.

"Ohm..I... I wanted that as much as you wanted it."

Gawin then let me go and went off, calling out to my mom in his soft voice. I stood there, my heart palpitating. Over my request, over him giving in to it and before I could even think if I had forced him into it, his admittance of the truth. It was all just too much to take in.

I sat down on my bed, dazed for a bit.

"P, are you ok?"

I turned to see Thanat standing at my door looking at me. I nodded, reassuring him I was fine.

"You sure? Because I can tell when you are confused or troubled and now is one of those moments. Talk to me?"

I didn't want to lay my issues on him, but maybe that's what Thanat needed. To feel normal again. I beckoned him over, and he sat next to me, taking my hand in his. I needed to speak to someone, too.

"I...I asked Gawin for a kiss."

"Ok. And? He kissed you, right?"

"How could you tell?!"

"All of us can see that he totally likes you. Isn't it obvious to you?"

"No. He's just being a good friend."

"Really? He comes thrice weekly to our home, spends time with me one on one so I feel better. He spends his off days with us, bringing Ma or Dad out. He tidies your room so you can sleep in more. And he's always by your side. He checks in with the doctor on how I am doing and updates you so that you will have one less thing to do. He has been adjusting his schedule to come by to visit us. That's a good friend to you? Then, he has raised the standards for it insanely."

"Why did you ask him to kiss you anyway?"

I looked at Thanat, unsure of what or how to answer. I fell silent, looking at my hands.

"No, two people would just ask one to kiss them, and the other does so without any feelings in the mix. Think about it. I'm going to go eat first. Join us soon, ok?"

I nodded as Thanat left the room, leaving me to my thoughts.

"Ohm, aren't you coming to eat? I have done up a plate for you."

I looked up to see Gawin standing there, looking at me hesitantly. I finally nodded, throwing him a soft smile as I joined him and Thanat downstairs with my mom, eating snacks and just making plans for the weekend.

But as conversation swirled around, mine was on only one person. The guy who was sitting next to me, chatting away softly with my mom.

But barely a minute later, I felt his hand grasp mine under the table. I looked at him and realized that I was on his mind just as much as he had been on mine.