My Big Man Baby

Ohm

I stood there, completely frozen, as the weight of the conversation unfolded around me. My mind was still reeling from the sight of Gawin sitting on the bed, holding his bleeding wrist, and Thanat standing there with the knife. It all felt so surreal—like one moment, everything was fine, and the next, everything had completely shattered.

The air was thick with emotion, the rawness of it almost suffocating. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, but I didn't know what to say, what to do. Gawin was fine—thankfully—but Thanat... I couldn't even begin to understand what he was going through. The confession he had just made hit me like a freight train. He was going to end his own life. It didn't matter that the knife hadn't been for Gawin—it had been for himself. And if Gawin hadn't intervened...

I couldn't even finish the thought.

When Thanat spoke again, his voice breaking, I realized I had never seen him like this. He was always the strong, somewhat aloof guy, the one who tried to keep it all together, to hide his vulnerabilities behind that cool exterior. But here he was, crumbling right in front of me, and I had no idea how to help.

I wanted to say something, to make him feel better, but nothing seemed right. Nothing felt like enough. The words just didn't come, not when I was still processing everything. But I had to say something. Gawin had his way of calming people down, of bringing them back to earth, but I wasn't like him. I wasn't good with words like that.

I took a step toward Thanat, my hand hovering awkwardly at my side as I tried to think of something—anything—to break the silence. But when I looked at him, I couldn't find the words. Instead, I just did what felt right in that moment.

I placed a hand on his shoulder, just like I had done with Gawin when he'd been hurt. Thanat flinched at first, but then he slowly looked up at me, his face pale, his eyes red and swollen from crying. The guilt that I saw in those eyes—it was almost suffocating.

"You don't have to carry this alone, Thanat," I finally managed to say, my voice rough, betraying the storm of emotions I was trying to keep under control. "We're all here for you. We've got your back. Okay?"

Thanat nodded, a small, broken gesture, but it was enough. I could see the relief in his eyes, as if he were finally starting to believe that maybe, just maybe, he didn't have to hide anymore.

I glanced over at Gawin, who was still sitting on the bed, his wrist wrapped but his gaze never leaving Thanat. He looked like he wanted to say more, but I could see the weariness in his eyes, too. He had been through a lot today, and this was far from over. I didn't know how we would all get through this, but I knew one thing for sure: we had to stick together.

It wasn't going to be easy. I could see that now. But no matter how broken we all felt, we had each other. And that was something.

I squeezed Thanat's shoulder once, then let my hand fall to my side. I wasn't sure how we would move forward, but in that moment, I knew we had a chance. We could heal, together.

It had been a quiet hour since everything had calmed down. The tension in the room had eased somewhat, but the weight of the afternoon still hung in the air. Thanat had finally stopped crying, his breaths coming in uneven gasps, but there was a certain stillness about him now—like he was starting to process everything that had happened. Ma was sitting beside him, her arm around his shoulders, comforting him the way only she could. I could tell he wasn't okay, not by a long shot, but he wasn't as lost as he had been before.

And Gawin... He'd been the quiet strength throughout it all. He hadn't just stopped Thanat from making the worst mistake of his life; he'd been there for all of us, even when it was clear he was in pain himself. The wound on his wrist was still fresh, but Gawin had barely reacted as Ma had bandaged it up. He was focused, always focused on helping Thanat, on making sure he was okay. It was typical of him. He cared so deeply, even when it was hard.

But now, I could tell Gawin was ready to leave. He stood slowly, taking a moment to stretch, and when he caught my eye, he gave me a small nod. There was a softness in his gaze, a sense of tiredness, but there was also something else—something unspoken that I couldn't quite place.

"You good?" I asked, my voice sounding small in the quiet room.

He offered a small smile. "I'm good. Just... need to go for a bit, clear my head."

I understood that. He'd been through a lot today, and I knew he needed space. But as I stood up to see him out, I felt a sudden surge of emotion. Gawin had been there when everything fell apart. He hadn't hesitated, even when things had gotten so messy and complicated. I knew I couldn't let him leave without letting him know how much that meant to me, to my family.

I walked toward him, hesitated for a moment, and then—before I could second-guess myself—I wrapped my arms around him. The hug was tight, almost desperate, but it felt right. Gawin was taken off guard at first, but then he held me back, his arms around me just as steady as he had been all day.

"Thank you," I whispered, my voice thick. "For everything. For being here... for Thanat, for Ma, for me. You have no idea how much it means."

I felt Gawin's breath hitch, and for a second, he didn't speak. But then he pulled back slightly, looking at me with an earnestness I didn't expect. "You don't have to thank me. I'm always gonna be here for you... for all of you."

There was something about the way he said it that made my chest ache. Gawin was always so selfless, so willing to give without asking for anything in return. And today, he'd gone beyond anything I could have imagined.

"I don't know what we would've done without you," I admitted, the words spilling out before I could stop them. "You helped Thanat when he was lost. You helped me when I didn't know how to deal with it. I—I just..." My voice cracked, and I swallowed, trying to keep it together. "You've done so much for us. More than anyone else."

Gawin gave me a reassuring smile, though I could see the exhaustion in his eyes. I nodded, unable to say anything else. What else was there to say? He had done more than enough.

Gawin stepped back, adjusting his jacket, but I could still feel the lingering connection between us. He might be leaving now, but he wasn't really going anywhere. He'd be back, just like he always had been.

"Take care of yourself, okay? Text me when you get home." I said softly, almost as an afterthought, but it was important.

He gave a small nod, then turned toward the door, but before he left, he paused and glanced over his shoulder. " You know where to find me."

And with that, he was gone.

I stood there for a moment, watching the door, feeling the absence of him already. But the words he'd left with me lingered, and in that moment, I felt a sense of gratitude I didn't have the words to express. We would get through this—together. And with Gawin in our corner, I knew we had a fighting chance.