Endless Echoes

Finally !!!!!

She often wondered, how is it possible for 9-5 individuals to repeat the exact same job every single day?

As a child, she hated repeatingly writing those alphabets again and again to improve her handwriting and then growing up, she wouldn't even do the house chore that she that she has already done.

Alas, Her question was answered when that incident triggered those thoughts.

Repetitive, unwanted, incessantly obsessive thoughts.

People say when no one supports you, you have to stand for yourself .

However, what happens when your own self is against you? what happens when can't find comfort in yourself?

Constantly fighting with her mind was not an easy job.

She didn't want to, but she had to.

The little voice in her mind, 'a catastrophe will occur if you don't do it again.'

Nobody believed that she needed help.

Reputation was valued more than their loved one.

'People will call you mental. Are you crazy?'

'Who will marry you if they know you are mad?'

'Only mental people go to psychiatrist'

Shattering her already broken mind.

Things she believed she would never hear from her so called loved ones.

In a house filled with loved ones, there wasn't a single soul to hold her, to hug her, when her entire being was shaking, trembling to the core.

There wasn't a single soul to just tell her, 'its ok darling'

Her compulsive thoughts to repeat things over and over were termed as mischief, naughtiness or misbehaviour.

'Oh just stop it, if you want to stop it you can. ' she couldn't stop.

Couldn't stop those obsessions and compulsions, even after endless, tiring tries and efforts.

'You are just attention seeking.' She was hiding a lot more.

Hiding much more than anyone could hide, much more than anyone could feel, much more than anyone experienced.

Her mind in utter havoc, she didn't know who to listen or what to do.

The ceaseless struggle between the body, mind and soul bringing her to the brink of exhaustion.

What started just as a confirmation of whether the chore was completed, has now become a disastrous loop with the same script, just more exhaustion with each new repetition.

It was debilitating cycle which she couldn't come out of.

It was ruining her, ruining her life, ruining her health and more importantly, ruining her already ruined mind.

Her friends say, 'oh I am so ocd as well'.

No, you are not. You are maybe perfectionist.

Ocd is not an adjective. It is a psychological disorder.

Funny if someone asks her, its not always about being cleaning or keeping things in order.

It is when she had to keep washing her hands, until they start bleeding, because she just can't stop doing it.

It is when she is picking on her skin or her hair, just because her mind is obsessively telling to do so.

Otherwise something bad will happen.

Never a moment of peace inside that psyche, obsessive thoughts and ceaseless compulsions.

What was her fault?

Why couldn't she stop those unwanted thoughts?

Why couldn't she stop herself?

Was her life now just limited to this incapacitating loop of obsessions and compulsions?

......................

Well I hope I could exhibit how a person with OCD may feel.

To all my readers with have OCD, I hope you could relate with this prose and I hope I could make you happy and bring out sincere emotions through this prose. Also, I am sooooo proud of you for going through such challenges and still being so strong. You are sooooo brave and strong my love.

To all my readers who doesn't have OCD, I hope I could give you an insight on this disorder and I hope you all will understand that OCD is a serious disorder and not an adjective to be used in your normal language.

.........................

I tried my best to keep this prose as authentic as possible. While crafting this prose, I had spoken with my friends who are clinically diagnosed with OCD, taking help from my psychology teacher, doing a research of my own. However, as I am still a human, error may occur and I neither guarantee any accuracy nor any sort of medical advice.

More importantly, this prose is a fictional work, so take it as fiction.

Last but definitely not the least, I hope you all liked this write-up.

Do let me know your favourite line out of the prose?

Question of the day: Which disorder or disease would you like to read about next?

.......................

YOURS SINCERELY,

AZINA S.