ARE YOU HUMAN? OR AN ETHEREAL BEAUTY?

DEEP (AUGUST 5, 2024)

I keep thinking about how growing up, I saw myself as a deep thinker, because I was interested in politics, science, and a bit of existential thoughts more than the other kids. I was isolated for that, among other reasons. I hated it, but I also saw myself as smarter than others and I was told by adults that I was, alongside that I was kinder too, so in a way, I felt like my isolation was for a purpose. That I was just too special and needed to find the right people to appreciate my greatness. Now, it feels like I'm a nobody. Other people online, including some people I've personally spoken to (like Sirrudeen or Neuroabolition), know more about leftism or other topics I like than me. I know it's because they read more than me and I'm either too impatient to read books in a few days like most people or my body (or brain) feels incapable of moving to do so without wandering away. Lately, I've been reconsidering ADHD and the possibility that I'm AuADHD instead of just autistic. Realizing this, I feel inferior a lot of the time because of these ADHD traits. They make me feel like my life is fading away before my eyes.

I've been thinking lately of if I should start asking Hajar and Melida/Sophia more existential questions like I used to enjoy. I want to one day, but first I'd like to record my thoughts here to see if I even still enjoy them or can even create an answer at all. I will mark it as "EXISTENTIAL #" with the # being the number of questions I answered already. I'll definitely be... upset if I end up not liking them though. It would mean I avoided thinking of something I enjoyed for years due to believing it was a fake part of me and now I've lost the ability & interest. Or maybe even that I didn't think of these things truly at all and just enjoyed hearing others talk about them or I only thought of them in a passing way. I don't want to force myself to be something I'm not and I know I still think deeply & want to learn about topics I find important, such as leftism. However, I hope & pray I still have enough fun & freedom in me to think about abstract possibilities, even if they may not matter in the end.

Here's the list I'll use: https://www.happierhuman.com/existential-questions-wa1/

(129 Existential Questions to Spark a Fun Philosophical Conversation)