Shadow and Light

50

The Light

"I love you" she had said, she had said a lot of things to me, like she only loves me, she has eyes only for me, but when I saw his arms wrapped around her, her shoulders had relaxed, she pushed him away because that was the right thing to do. But if she hadn't been married to me, if she wasn't obliged to be with me. I am sure she would have melted in his arms, would have accepted him back.

I never would have guessed Asad was the man she was talking about, he was the man named Janaab, but turns out that was just a way you call a man in his country.

Asad was handsome, rich, also a king, he is everything I am, but he is younger, he is the perfect match for her.

But she said she loved me.

I wasn't sure what to believe. But I knew one thing, she didn't choose me back there, she didn't stop him from hitting me, she stopped me. She was getting hurt seeing him getting hurt. She didn't choose me, and I was sure that she wasn't going to choose me in the future also, when I will ask her tonight, that does she still want to be with me or was that all a faux.

I was mentally preparing myself, to hear her rejection, to tell me she has realised her true feelings, that what she felt for me was just a distraction created by her heart to stop thinking about Asad. I knew we were done when she was looking at me, with hate in her eyes because I had hit her love.

I wanted to cry, I wanted to yell, I wanted her by my side, I wanted her. No, I needed her.

I sensed her before I set my eyes on her, her scent wafted up the room, her anklet bells chimed with every one of her steps.

"Did you console him well?" I asked, sarcasm dripping from your tongue, I was hurt and I tend to inflict the same pain I was feeling onto people who hurt me.

"He might die and I wouldn't care" she said, the hatred covered her words, she was a really good actress.

"You don't have to pretend anymore" I said out loud, my thoughts blinding my vision, my anger blinding my thinking, but the last time I was blinded by emotion I did several stupid things.

"I never had any friends. Savar was...busy making a family and women were too afraid to befriend somebody who looked like me. I did sleep with him, yes. But he also became a friend I never had. He was the first to listen because others always spoke, always.

I didn't mean to lie to you, my love. But I also didn't know what to tell you. I don't love him, I never could. I tried in the past and it blew up in my face. I did tell you the whole story and it was true word to word. I didn't know his name until he introduced himself to me." She said, not one emotion on her face, she was as inhuman as the day I first met her, when her face was all bruised up, when she couldn't even open her eyes, the scar was still there from that day.

"You asked me to stop" I mumbled, "What?" she asked, confused, I was sitting on the ground, near the balcony that overlooked the city, it was beautiful at night, but the burn in my chest made me feel nothing but broken.

"You chose him" I whispered again, the words pouring out tasted bitter, "You chose him down there, you could have stopped him, but you didn't. You stopped me. It hurts you so much seeing him in pain?" I let out a grunt, one filled with agony, she was all I had, all I ever wanted, and the mere thought of not having her beside me, her warmth sucked out of my life felt like I would die without even getting a wound.

"Chose him? I chose him?" she said loudly, "If I had to choose him Ranvijay, I would have chosen him 5years ago. I would have chosen him that very night when I saw his tongue inside the throat of that woman. If I had to choose him Ranvijay I would have done it long ago." She walked towards me, tears streaming down her face, "I stopped you because I can. Because you would listen to me. Because you care about my words and feelings. I wasn't going to let you beat up a guest. Word could have gone out, what about your reputation?" She sat beside me her eyes filled with apologetic tears and concern for me.