Shadow and Light

62

The Shadow

I heard Ranvijay suck in a breath.

From the periphery of my vision, I saw him hold on to the door handle. I placed a steady hand on his bicep, squeezing the tensed muscle with reassurance.

He gave me a quick glance and diverted his vision to the woman in front of him, who just told him his brother wrote him a letter.

My braid had gotten undone and hair swept on my face, helping to hide the streaks of tears that painted my face.

He wrote us letters.

"Did he...know?" Ranvijay asked. The question had already swept my mind, like huge waves, bur I had dared not ask.

The answer terrified me. The probability of him knowing his approaching death clenched my gut and my organs inside enough to make me barf.

"No" a subtle shake of her head, and every taught muscle in me relaxed. Her eyes looked at me but they couldn't reach me, her face was devoid of emotions.

"Then...how?" the words slipped out unconsciously. I knew I wasn't in the right state of mind, since I held onto my dying brother, begging him to not go.

She looked at both of us and closed her eyes for a brief second before gulping down her saliva to answer.

"He wrote letters every time he went out. To war, to other kingdoms. He did that even when he was away for those three years. Every six months a new letter would come.

But he had instructed me to not give them to you" she looked at Ranvijay.

"I didn't know too. About what to do with them, I kept them safe with me. I didn't know and I never asked, because I knew if he wanted to tell me he would have already.

But once I did ask him, out of curiosity. And he had smiled and said- 'you'd know'." A small smile played on her lips, almost widening but they dropped back to their original stoic position.

"I used to think what that meant. All these years I laughed it off as one of his major pranks. He used to love those. But now, when he is no longer around. I know what to do to them.

Before he would always come back and burn them to ashes. Sighing as he did, and after that he would never mention them until the next time he would go out.

But...this time, he didn't come back. To burn them. Now I know...I was to give them when he didn't return." Her words wobbled, but not as much as she wanted to. She was holding herself back.

She handed a piece of neatly stamped envelope to Ranvijay, who took it with both of his hands as if receiving Prasad.

"He only used to write them for you before. But this time, he wrote one for you too." She said, her voice not as sad as it was a moment ago.

"He never wrote one for Maharani Renuka." She said, explaining herself.

She handed me a similar envelope.

"My work here is done" she bowed and turned to leave.

"Did he write a letter to you?" I blurted out, and as I did I cursed myself for doing so. I shouldn't have asked.

"He...did not, your highness. He was...he did not...he was sure he would come back." She said, her words choked her throat and tears welled up in her eyes, which she quickly diverted.

"I will be in my room if you need me" she rushed away from there, wiping quickly at her face.

I scrunched my eyes and almost wanted to slap myself. Why did I ask her that?
I closed the door and went up to our bed, plopping down, with the envelope beside me.