Bikeriders Serenade

Letters to the past: A Journey Through Grief

A few months after Noah's birth, life at home had settled into a new rhythm. The days were filled with the joyful chaos of raising a newborn and the energetic presence of Lori and Timmy. However, the peace was abruptly interrupted when Lucy received a phone call that would change everything.It was her mother on the line, her voice tinged with sorrow. “Lucy, I need to tell you something,” she began, her words heavy with emotion. “Your father… he passed away unexpectedly.”Lucy felt a jolt of shock run through her body. Though her parents had divorced when she was a child and her father had been largely absent, the news struck her deeply. Memories of sporadic visits and unfulfilled promises resurfaced, mingling with a profound sense of loss. She hadn’t seen him often, but the finality of his death left her grappling with emotions she hadn’t anticipated.“Thank you for telling me, Mom,” Lucy replied, her voice barely a whisper. After hanging up, she sat in silence, trying to process the news. Despite their distant relationship, the loss felt overwhelming.Seeing her distress, Austin immediately sensed something was wrong. “Lucy, what happened?” he asked gently, sitting beside her.“My dad… he’s gone,” she managed to say, tears brimming in her eyes.Austin wrapped his arms around her, offering silent support. “I’m so sorry, Lucy,” he murmured, holding her close.As the days passed, Lucy found herself caught in a whirlwind of emotions—grief, regret, and a longing for the relationship that never was. Wanting to give her some respite, Austin suggested sending Lori and Timmy to his dad and stepmom’s for the weekend. “It’ll give you some space to process everything,” he said gently. Since Lucy was still breastfeeding, Noah stayed home with them.After seeing Lori and Timmy off, and with Noah down for a nap, Austin sat on the couch, pulling Lucy into his arms. “How are you doing, baby?” he asked softly, his concern evident.Lucy leaned into him, grateful for his presence. “I don’t know,” she admitted, her voice trembling. “I barely saw him after the divorce, and yet losing him feels so heavy. It’s like I’m mourning not just him, but all the moments we never had.”Austin listened intently, his heart aching for her. “It’s okay to feel that way,” he reassured her. “Grief is complicated, and it doesn’t matter how often you saw him. Losing a parent is a big deal, no matter what.”Lucy nodded, tears slipping down her cheeks. “I keep thinking about all the things I never got to say. It’s like I’m mourning the relationship we never had.”“I understand,” Austin said, rubbing her back soothingly. “You’re allowed to grieve the loss of what could have been, along with the loss of him. Your feelings are completely normal.”Lucy took a deep breath, trying to absorb his words. “I just wish things had been different. I wanted to know him better, but… it never happened.”Austin tightened his embrace, holding her close. “You’re not alone in this, Lucy. I’m here for you, and we’ll get through it together. We can talk about it, or we can just sit in silence. Whatever you need.”Lucy found comfort in his understanding. “Thank you for being so patient with me,” she whispered, feeling grateful for his unwavering support.As they sat together, the weight of the world felt a little lighter. In the quiet of their living room, surrounded by the remnants of their bustling family life, Lucy allowed herself to grieve. She knew the road ahead would be difficult, but with Austin by her side, she felt a flicker of hope amidst the sadness.Noah stirred in his crib, and Lucy looked up, wiping her tears. “I guess it’s time for me to be a mom again,” she said, managing a small smile.Austin smiled back, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “You’re doing an amazing job, Lucy. One day at a time.”With renewed determination, Lucy rose to her feet, ready to face whatever came next, knowing that love and support would guide her through the storm of emotions.

As the days went by, Lucy wrestled with her grief, feeling the weight of unspoken words and unresolved feelings. One evening, as they sat together on the couch, Austin turned to her with a thoughtful expression. “Lucy, I’ve been thinking… maybe it would help if you wrote a letter to your dad. You could pour your heart into it, say everything you wanted to say. Then, we could read it together, and afterward, you could burn it as a way to find closure.”Lucy considered his suggestion, her heart aching at the thought. “A letter?” she echoed, feeling both hesitant and intrigued. “Do you really think that would help?”“I do,” Austin replied gently. “It might give you a chance to express everything you’ve been holding inside. You deserve that.”After a moment of reflection, Lucy nodded. “Okay, I’ll try.”That night, she sat at the kitchen table, a blank sheet of paper in front of her. As she picked up the pen, the words began to flow. She wrote about her childhood memories, the moments that felt distant yet significant. She poured out her feelings of sadness and regret for the relationship they never had.“Dear Dad,” she began, her handwriting shaky but determined. “I don’t even know where to start. It’s hard to put into words what I feel right now. I’ve spent so many years wishing things were different between us. I wish you had been there more, that we could have shared more moments together.”Tears streamed down her cheeks as she continued. “I always imagined you walking me down the aisle on my wedding day. I wanted to see your face as I married Austin, to share that special moment with you. It hurts knowing that you won’t be there to see our children grow up, to be a part of their lives. I wanted you to know them, to be their grandfather.”She paused, her heart aching as she reflected on the loss. “I wanted to ask you why you weren’t around, why you chose to stay distant. I wanted to tell you that I forgive you for that, but I also want you to know how much it hurt. I wish I could have shared my life with you.”Taking a deep breath, she wrote about her hope for understanding, for closure. “I’m sad that I didn’t get the chance to know you better. I’ll always wonder what could have been. But I’m also grateful for the moments we did have, however few they were.”After pouring her heart onto the page, Lucy felt a mix of relief and sadness. She folded the letter and walked into the living room, where Austin was waiting for her. “I finished,” she said softly, her voice trembling.“Do you want to read it now?” he asked gently.Lucy nodded, her heart racing. She took a seat beside him, unfolding the letter with shaky hands. As she read aloud, her voice quivered with emotion, each word a cathartic release. Austin listened intently, his heart aching for her as she shared her deepest feelings.When she finished, tears streamed down her face. Austin wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly. “You were so brave, Lucy. I’m proud of you,” he whispered.“Thank you,” she replied, her voice muffled against his shoulder. “It feels good to say those things.”“Now, let’s do the next part,” Austin said softly, guiding her to the backyard. They gathered some small twigs and kindling, creating a small fire pit. As the flames flickered to life, Lucy held the letter close, her heart racing with a mix of emotions.“Are you ready?” Austin asked, his eyes filled with understanding.Lucy took a deep breath, nodding. “Yeah, I think so.”With a final glance at the words she had written, she placed the letter in the fire. As it caught flame, she watched the paper curl and disintegrate, feeling a sense of release wash over her. The smoke spiraled into the night sky, carrying her unspoken words away.“I hope you can hear me now, Dad,” she whispered, her heart lighter than it had been in days.Austin stood beside her, his hand resting on her back, providing silent strength as they watched the flames dance. In that moment, Lucy felt a flicker of peace, knowing she had finally expressed her feelings and begun to find closure in her grief.