It's where my demons hide

Chapter 24

When I knocked on Jana's door they immediately opened and I was pulled into a bone crushing hug.

"Not that I don't appreciate it, but why this hug?" I asked as I hugged her back.
She pulled her head in the crook of my neck and kissed it softly. I exhaled and let myself relax into her tight hold.

"I just missed you. And I wanted to apologise."

I frowned: "For what?"

She released me from the embrace and let me inside holding my hand: "Me and Lucy were fighting and it just made everything so weird."

"So there was a problem between you too?!" I was surprised that my gut feeling was correct even though it's never really wrong.

Jana nods: "After you passed out last week we had a bit of a...disagreement about your training and what each of us wants for you."

"You know I'm not a kid right? I can take care of myself." It somehow made me irritated that they were fighting about what is best for me.

"I know amor it's just, Lucy is so hard on you and I want you to slow down a bit and...I just love you okay." she exhaled as I put my hands on her shoulders.

"Jana I love you too. And it's okay to think that, but I can handle Lucy...I think. But I'm not training with you guys anymore." I said and she looked at me surprised: "What? Why?"

"Because look what it did. And secondly I think me and football are not going to work anymore." It felt heavy to lie to her about it. I just wanted to have it as just my thing before someone interrupted it.

"But...you can't do that. Babe you are so good." She pulled me into her.

"I know, I just...I don't think I want to focus on it right now."

"Okay, that's okay. But do Lucy and Alexia know?" She asked. I just shook my head and didn't say anything.

"Oh well, how about we watch a movie or something? Also when did you wash your hair when you said you were hanging out with a friend from school?" I tensed up.

"We um...we had a pe as our last class so they are still a bit wet." I rambled.

"Oh, yeah right." She mumbles but I'm not too sure she believes me. Either way she let it go and I cuddled into her side and almost fell asleep right away.

Her hand was slowly scratching my back and scalp as I exhaled all the exhaustion from tryouts. My mind was telling me to tell her, I know she would support me either way, but something was stopping me as if the demons which I so hardly closed into the back of my mind started crawling out of it. Sticking out their hands back into my subconscious. The demons that my therapist is trying to get rid of.

The demons that told me to quit it all and go back to England to my father because that's what I deserve.

The demons which used to wake me up in the middle of the night just so I could be alone in the darkness.

The demons that I am carefully letting out again myself...

"I love you Jana so much." I mumbled as I slipped into my dream.

Week later...

Lucy pov:

Mel was acting weird. She said she is done with football for now and she's never home. Not just at my and Ona's place but also Jana's and Keira's. She always comes home exhausted and late.

We didn't question it at first but she never wanted to tell us where she was. It's always some friend from school and I can see Jana's getting nervous about her girlfriend's whereabouts.