Hanni
Our night was beautiful, something I'll remember for the rest of my life. A memory of what it could've been. We spent the whole night seated on the sand enjoying the long night and just talking as we tried to forget everything around us.
And we tried to bury what would come sooner or later.
And as much as I didn't want to. I had to let her go. We both can't be putting each other through this. And Minji knew that too. And now that we both realized that, there's no stopping the inevitable.
We had to do this for both our sakes.
Minji looked at me with sad eyes as she held my hand for what could possibly be the last time. And it pained me to feel her holding my hand so tightly. She didn't want to let go of me and I fucking hate myself for being so weak and letting go.
I didn't want her to ever let go. I wanted her to drag me away so that we could run from the world, the people, and the problems that surrounded us. We deserved to be free and in love. We really deserved so much better.
And if any of you think I'm happy, you don't know me. Letting her go would mean that there will be no more Gaeul to deal with or a mother to be yelling at me all the time.
But I love Minji, letting her go would be like ripping my limbs out of my body. Grabbing my heart and ripping it out of my chest and leaving me nothing to live for.
I didn't want to let her go, but I have no other option. It wasn't a choice for me anymore. And neither was it a choice for her. We were both against the wall now and had to pick our sanity.
We both could only handle one more week of this bullshit, and no more. Minji was starting to realize how bad all of this actually was. She was understanding why I would have to let go.
And Minji being the understanding person she has always been, told me to break up with her. To give it one last try and to decide what I would do.
She said she'd love me no matter what I chose to do, how am I supposed to do this when she's saying stuff like that? When she's making my heart be indecisive once more.
She's making me want to fight once more, but with what strength? I'm weaker than her, I'm not as strong as her.
I wanted to do the right thing, even if it tore me apart. Both me and Minji needed to be free from those two absurd people in our life's before we could ever make it work between us.
So here we were, at the light garden behind her house that her father built years ago. It was beautiful as I looked around. Minji stood next to me, eye looking around as well, not daring to say anything.
"Minji, please, say something." I said as I squeezed her hand and it made her look at me with a sigh. "I don't know what to say to you, I don't want any this, Hanni. I don't want to let you go." She said and I could feel my heart breaking once more.
"I don't want this either, I love you. But we have to let go." I said and Minji grabbed my chin and made me look at her with those same brown eyes that I fell love with.
"Why couldn't it be us?" Minji asked and I threw her a smile. "At least we got to live a portion of what our love would've been." I said and Minji smiled at me. "You're right on that, I'm happy we got to make it work for some time." She said.
She brought me close to her and kissed the tip of my nose. "But I feel sorry that it couldn't be for us. You brought me life, and it just hurts to know that it'll be ripped from me." She said and I wanted to cry.
What else can I do? I don't want this, I just wish we could run away but we can't. "You're my everything, Hanni." She said, placing her forehead over my own. "I'll love you for as long as I live, you were the one for me. My other half." She said and I could only flutter my eyes shut.
"I love you too, Minji. And I'll carry you in my heart for the rest of my life. You were my one and only love." I said and Minji let out a chuckle. "I better be the only one, because I'm going to find you again. Or you'll find me." She said and I let out a smile as I opened my eyes again.
And I was met with her brown eyes that had my whole being going crazy. She gave me a smile and a part of me just felt so grateful that me and Minji fell in to some type of acceptance.
If we're meant to be, we'll find each other again. We would be guided to one another once more and I just wish it happens. I want to only one day marry Minji.
I want a future with her only.
"I better see you with none of these—you know what—you're mine, Minji Kim. As toxic as it sounds, you'll always be mine." I said and Minji let out a chuckle.
"I'll always be yours. I would never belong to any other woman that isn't you. No one compares to my Hanni Pham." Minji said with a big smile on her face as tears formed in her eyes. I could only lean in and kiss her with a passion that I'll always carry for the rest of my life for her.
When I pulled away she looked at me with the most softest eyes ever. "Hyein is going to miss you." She said and I let out a little pout. I truly loved her little sister. "And my parents would chase you down to the core of the earth just to get you to come back to me." She said and I let out a laugh.
The Kim's would do such thing.
"Stay with me here, just for tonight." Minji said as she grabbed both of my hands and brought them up to her lips, leaving a sweet kiss that left my skin tingling. "I want to hold you for one last time." She said and how could I say no?
I let my head rest against her chest as I gave her a nod and she let out a happy noise. She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me so tight that I could feel the air being blocked. Not that I cared.
I'd prefer to die than having to live without Minji by my side. That's worse in every scenario. Being away from her could be the worst torture that could happen to anyone.
And my mother will get hell while she's at home, she broke my heart and is now forcing me to be away from the one person that brought me love when I was alone and had an annoying cousin who loved to bother me to no end.
I love Danielle, but I love Minji even more.
And this is where I realize that life is just unfair and that we don't all get the happy ending we deserve. Even if we're the good people that deserve only the best. And to whoever is writing my story, fuck you!
Fuck you for teaching me that in order to love someone, I have to let go.
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It can't get any worse, rightttt?....
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