Hanni
It was graduation day.
We are no longer young adults, we're about to face the real word and I truly wasn't ready. Especially to do it alone.
And yes, I kept running away from Minji and I hated myself for it. I kept hurting her the only way I could ever. Trust me, I want to slap myself too.
I couldn't lie my way out of walking that stage, but it was also the only opportunity I had of talking to Minji for one last time. To tell her everything I felt. Not the truth about my mom, but just everything I never got to say.
And I'm so fucking proud of her. She graduated with a scholarship to a big university here in Korea. Minji's dad was kind, but I see why he was hard on her sometimes. It didn't justify why, but it made you understand. He wanted an assured future for her.
So, here I was. I waited until Minji was alone to head to her. I grabbed her wrist and dragged her away from the loud crowd. "Hanni?" She questioned a little confused but I could hear the excitement and happiness in her voice and it melted my heart.
I love this woman so much.
But I do admit that after Minji talked to me, I fixed myself a bit. I couldn't hurt Minji by seeing me so torn. Even though I did still run away from her.
Once we were alone and at a place that Gaeul won't see her and a place where my mom won't look for me. I let her wrist go and turned around to look at her and Minji quickly hugged me which caught me by surprise.
"I'm proud of you, Hanni. And you looked so beautiful walking that stage." She said with a big smile as she pulled away from me, her eyes forming those cute little crescents. And I wanted to cry at the such cute sight.
I gave Minji a smile as I cupped her cheek. "I brought you here because I wanted to talk." I said and Minji looked at me curiously. "Actually, I wanted to do the same because there was something I wanted to tell you." But for somehow reason, I didn't like the tone of her voice.
"But do tell me, I want to know." Minji said and I let out a smile as I pulled her down and pressed my forehead against her own. "I'm going to a university here and it's pretty close to yours, and I just wanted to tell you that we can try again later on. Once I get a job and figure a way to move out of my parents home." I said but there was a look in Minji's eyes that seemed to make my heart drop.
"Hanni, this is what I wanted to talk to you about." And I pulled away from her. A little baffled about what she could possibly want to say. I looked at her and waited for her to speak.
Her eyes told me that what she was about to say was going to hurt me. And I was scared. So fucking scared that she'll break my heart.
Minji grabbed my hands and looked down at them. "I'm not staying in Korea. I'm applying for a completely different scholarship to go elsewhere." And I felt my heart break as I tried to pull my hands away but she held them tightly.
"Listen to me, before you hate me. My parents don't even know I'm planning this. I'm not going to tell you where I'm going because I trust that you'll find me one day. But I just wanted you to know, I don't think I can handle having you so close yet so far away from me. It's destroying me." She said and I was still trying to pull away from her.
But she wasn't letting me go.
"It doesn't mean that I've given up on us, because I haven't. I'm not okay, and I guess I just need some time to heal? But I'll always love you, Hanni and I'll be waiting for you the way that you would wait for me." She said and I could only feel my tears forming.
I never thought that she'd be the one to leave.
"Look, I might be using school as a way to run away from everything. But I'm also doing this to get Gaeul off my back. She's going to the university I was supposed to go to. And I don't think I can handle her all alone. She was consuming my brain with her efforts of trying to get back with me once we broke up." Minji said with a sigh.
"I know we promised forever, Hanni. But I trust that we're meant to be. Look at us, Hanni. Nothing can ever pull us away from one another for long enough. Either I'll find my way back to you, or you'll find your way back to me." She said, leaning in and kissing my forehead.
"I don't want you to leave, don't leave me here." I said as she rested her forehead against my own, her eyes fluttering close. "I don't want to leave you here, my love. I want to take you with me even if your parents will hate me for it. But I can't, you have a future here and I'll try to make my own somewhere else and start fresh." And I could feel my heart breaking the more she spoke.
She can't be serious about leaving.
I shouldn't have ran away from her, I shouldn't have broken up with her, and I shouldn't have been so weak. Minji can't leave me!
"I don't want to do this, but I have to. I need to heal the same way you need to. I only want the best for you, Hanni. And I know I'm breaking your heart. Danielle is so going to try and chase me with a knife, but she needs to understand that I'm not doing this to hurt you. And I want you to try and understand that too, please." I knew she wasn't doing it to hurt me.
But it still hurt, it hurt so damn bad.
"I love you more than life itself, Hanni. And I want you to remember that. And I know you love me, you don't even have to say it. Your beautiful eyes scream it when they look at me. And I'm going to miss you so much, probably even more than my family and I know it's messed up." She let out another sigh as she pulled away.
Her hands still holding my own, giving them a slight squeeze as she looked at me with sad eyes. She didn't want me to see it. But it was paining her to tell me all of this, it was hurting her just as much as it was hurting me.
"I'm sorry I failed you, Minji. I should've tried harder. I should've done more and maybe you wouldn't have to leave." I said and Minji let out a sad smile. "It's not your fault. Isn't that what you told me? It's neither one of our faults. It's life." She said and I could only let a tear fall as Minji brought me in to a hug.
This was her goodbye, and I don't even know if I'll ever be able to see her again. She trusts in destiny more than I ever will. But I have to have some type of faith the same way she does. We'll find each other again, I knew it deep down and so does she.
I wanted to grasp on to her so that she wouldn't leave but she was already pulling away from me. Her eyes trying to blink back the tears as she finally let go of me. And it was heart shattering.
"Goodbye, Hanni. I wish you the best and hope to one day see you again. To love you all over again." She said, taking a step back and I felt myself slipping from reality as I watched her turn around as she walked away, clearly crying as she held her face.
And it wasn't until she was gone from my sight that it hit me and I could feel my breathing fasten as I held my chest in pain.
She was gone, and I didn't even get to tell her that I loved her too. I didn't get to tell her what I wanted to. And damn me for not being able to.
I looked down at my hands that she once held and just broke down.
"Goodbye, Minji."
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The end....
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