ENDLESSLY YOURS | Jay Park

016 | delusional

Ryu Yeseul
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My life is already an embarrassment, but it keeps getting worse because of Jay. I can't live in peace anymore, no matter how hard I try. Everywhere I go is a reminder of a painful memory.

However, one thing I can't understand is my theory that the Prince of Hearts is a mask instead of Jay's real personality. Jay probably didn't realise it, but I saw a sign of that. Or maybe I'm delusional and want to see the good in everyone.

But whether I am delusional or not, Jay still agreed to hug me. He could have ignored me, but he listened to me. Does the friendly Jay still exist? The Jay I thought was gone forever is not back; I just want him to be.

Instead of seeing all of this as a sign that the possibly friendly Jay is back, whom I also do not even know is real, I need to stop searching for the good in Jay. I found myself analysing his words, actions, body language, eyes, and tone of voice to understand his true intentions.

However, it feels like most of them lead to me thinking about the friendly Jay who I believe is his real personality. And, even though I hate to admit it, he probably does not exist; It's just me trying to see the good in him.

"I want to be dropped off by the castle," I told Jay.

"You miss your prince that much?" Jay replied with a chuckle.

"Are you jealous?" I responded.

Jay was taken aback by the sudden question. He looked in the other direction to avoid eye contact with me. I get why Jay enjoys teasing me. It's fun to tease others and watch their reactions to it.

"Why would I be jealous? It's not like Prince Heeseung loves you anyway," Jay replied.

"That was harsh," I responded.

"But true," Jay whispered to himself, but it was loud enough for me to hear it.

I signed, looked out and noticed we were moving closer to the castle. I also saw a figure walking closer to the carriage, unconsciously, probably. There is only one chance of who that figure can be and where he is going.

"Can you stop here, please?" I asked the coachman.

The carriage stopped, and I jumped out. I could hear Jay ask me where I was going, but I had had enough of him for today. I want to be alone, even if it's just for a minute. All I want and need right now is a short moment where I can feel relaxed, perhaps like myself if that's not too much to ask.

My current emotions will come back. I can't remove them permanently, unfortunately. But I can get rid of them temporarily, for a short moment where everything feels a little bit better.

The figure turns out to be Prince Heeseung. Just like I expected and wanted. We reached a distance where we could see each other's faces and talk without screaming for the other person to hear it. This reminds me of the previous trip I had with Jay when Prince Heeseung was waiting for me at the doorstep. Exepct it's less dramatic this time.

"It seems like we can communicate through telepathy now," Prince Heeseung said with a chuckle.

"Then maybe you know the reason why I'm here," I replied with a smile.

"To see me?" Prince Heeseung guessed.

"Obviously. I mean, the reason why I wanted to see you," I corrected.

He will never be able to know or even guess the real reason why I wanted to see him. However, something came to me when I saw him. The decisions I am about to make may be drastic, and in my eyes, come out of nowhere.

"I want to move in," I said.

I can see how Prince Heeseungs eyes start to spark and his smile goes up and wide. There is no doubt he is happy with my decisions.

If anyone asks why I want to move I am gonna say it because I feel ready for it and I want to be Prince Heeseung as much as I can. But if you would like a more honest answer, it's because I would feel more safe living with the royal family.

According to Jay, I need to be protected. He says someone is after me and the best way to protect me is by living with the royal family. However, I don't think Jay is aware that he is the one I need to be protected from.

It is bothering me that he close with the royal family and has easy access to me. But, I am sure I will feel more safe just by being in the castle. I might be able to convince the guards to not let in Jay. I believe I don't need Jay as much as he needs me.