The Second Chance of A Suicidal Idol

Is This Heaven?

The first thing Jung Ha-rin saw when she slit her wrist was blood. She saw blood and black alike as her vision spotted. And all Jung Ha-rin felt, despite her nerves set alight, was peace. All she felt was peace as she thought back to the malicious tabloids, naming her a money-hungry prostitute, naming her a whore who sold her body for success. She felt at peace as she thought back to the lustful glares that fell upon her bony-idol body when she tried to break away from their touches. She felt at peace, because what human, let alone an idol, could stand to live a life so heavy?

The second thing Jung Ha-rin felt was pain. Pain heavier than the hours of overworking in the same moldy practice room, pain heavier than the strain in her legs after twice-a-day shows. A pain that she had not been numbed to.

And still, as said pain filled her vision with black, she was content. Content to see the God's she prayed to everyday and every time she felt too seen upon stage, too seen with the thousands of eyes and their dirty minds. And she wondered, how much mercy would the Gods cast upon her? Would they serve her for her troubles, with a golden platter of a promise for a rich life? Would they serve her with a hug and erase her mind of its burdens? Would God smile at her and take her by her shaking hands to a painless life?

What Jung Ha-rin didn't expect, as her body pained all it could, was to see a cold concrete floor. Not only did she see such, but felt it, as she lied upon it, curled into herself. Why could she still feel? She asked herself as she realized she could smell too. She could hear and she could see, and all she saw was an apartment.

She began to pat herself over, the sound of a bustling Seoul that she had come to know too well. She rubbed over her arms and legs, feeling them solid. And then over her chest, as she realized something was missing.

Slowly, she pushed herself up. And as she stood, she realized that she could walk. Was this the heaven she had dreamed of? The escape from her miserable life?

She observed her surroundings, a single-person bed, unmade and pillows tossed to the floor. There was an open closet, revealing an array of just grey or black clothing, sweatpants, shirts, coats. And then she finally saw a mirror.

She ran her hands over her chest again, realizing her boobs were nowhere to be felt. She stared at her reflection to find herself, a boy?! Quickly, she pulled the hem of her shorts up, just enough to see what she had below. And clamped her mouth shut with her hand. She had a dick.

Her face darkened as she shook her head. Was her "Heaven" being in the body of a school boy? Because if it was, she didn't think this was a Heaven in any universe.

She ran her hand through the black hair that ran just below her shoulders. Compared to the lengthy dyed-red hair she had before she frowned. She looked at the raggedy black t-shirt and the grey shorts that covered her new body. She was actually a boy.

Just as she turned towards the other parts of the small apartment, something caught her eye. It was a cat, a fat one at that. It strudded from behind the bed casually, a large belly hanging below it.

"Are you God?" Ha-rin asked, pushing her hair behind her ear. "Is this Heaven?" Her voice came out deep, a boy's voice. It sent shivers down her spine.

The cat licked at its orange fur, beginning to clean itself directly in Ha-rin's line of vision. Sneaking glances at her with its green snake-like eyes.

"Well– That's just a cat." A voice from behind spoke. Ha-rin flinched back, turning as fast as she could with her hands prepared to raise in self-defense. In front of her sat a bird, perched upon the open closet door. "I'm not God either–" It chirped.

Ha-rin laughed hysterically to herself, "I'm finally going crazy, aren't I?" She whispered, placing her head in her hands and squatting down to hide herself. Has everything finally caught up to her?