Heads he's mine, tails he's yours

Chapter One

Dylan's POV

*Ring*

"Hmmmmm"

*ringggg*

"Ughhhh"

I lazily groaned out as the sound of my stupid alarm decided to get me out of a restless sleep.

Why am I acting like this?, today was the day..... my first day of teaching at the university. I had spent years preparing for this moment, but now that it was finally here, I couldn't shake off the feeling of nervousness that had been building up inside me.

I'm a shy person, and why I choose to teach is still a mystery to me, I don't think I can't get a word out without stuttering, so how am I supposed to teach students who are old enough to find my awkwardness funny but rather embarrassing and worth laugh AT me.

As I lay in bed, I couldn't help but think about all the things that could go wrong. What if I stumbled over my words?, like my stupid stuttering issue kicks in, it always does that when I'm in a crowd or speaking to people.

What if I forgot my notes? What if the students didn't like me?. The doubts swirled in my head like a vortex, making my stomach twist with anxiety and my  heart beat faster. I really don't have time for a panic attack right now or today.

I took a deep breath and threw off the covers, trying to shake off the negative thoughts. Nina said a negative mind results to unnecessary heart breaks and self sabotage. Nina is my nanny or as I've grown to call her, my adoptive mother who stepped up. She's such a sweet old lady, when I came out to my parents years ago- okay I didn't really come out to them, I kinda sorta, kissed one of their business partners son- they dumped me in this apartment with her, but years ago before college she moved out so she could give me privacy, privacy that I really could care less about since there's nothing to be kept private.....well except my little secret.

Anyways, I had prepared for this moment, I keep trying to remind myself. I had spent countless hours poring over my notes, rehearsing my lectures, and preparing engaging lesson plans. I was ready for this. Ready to show these students there's more to art than just covering a white board with colors.

I love art, it was how I was able to express myself without having to actually express it. My favorite thing about art is that it doesn't always have to be lines, colors and a board. Art can be music, writing, photography, etc. my favorite form of art though would be drawing/painting, whenever I stood in front of a canvas it always feels right. I had always loved art, art can be found anywhere and my favorite place to see art was on the human body.

Getting back on track, I got out of bed and began my morning routine, trying to focus on the tasks at hand rather than my racing thoughts. I showered, did my skin care routine, and dressed in my best professorial attire.

As I made my way to the kitchen to make some coffee, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I looked a bit pale and nervous, my eyes sunken from lack of sleep. I took a deep breath and tried to compose myself, reminding myself that I was capable and competent. I'm not really used to sleeping alone, years after Nina left and I still can't get used to sleeping alone, sometimes I would cuddle with my teddy bears to feel the warmth and safety of someone but deep down I knew it wasn't the same.

I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table, trying to collect my thoughts. I went over my notes one last time, making sure I had everything I needed for the day's lecture.

But despite my best efforts, the nervousness lingered. What if I wasn't good enough? What if I failed?, what if my parents are right?, that I'm just a huge disappointment.