What I've Done

Chapter 19 : Haruka's Regret, Itachi's Grief, And Sasuke's Hope

(You can say that this is a special chapter... Dedicated to everyone who is still patiently waiting for my slow, irregular updates)

***

Haruka was sitting on the deck where she first met Kisame, her cloak was off beside her, revealing her scarred skin. The place became her favorite spot, especially to be alone. Kisame had allow her to use this 'Shark Deck', where he usually has a reunion with his blue swimming cousins, for her own secret place to find peace, as a small break from Akatsuki.

She had grown close to the half-shark. Not only because they're partners, Haruka also likes him because he adores Sasuke and treats him like his own little brother. Haruka couldn't let herself got attached with Sasuke, but the little boy is just 6. He still needs love. Luckily, the Hoshigaki gave it. He cares for the young Uchiha, and he makes sure that the boy is okay, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Haruka couldn't explain how thankful she is to have such a loyal companion.

She's not worried about Itachi. She knows that boy can take care of himself. And she was sure that Kakashi would help him. After all, they're partners.

And both of them hates her.

She doesn't mind. It's fine, she accepts that. And that's what she wants. For Itachi to hate her, and kill her, then live with Sasuke happily ever after.

What a foolish dream.

Staring at the dark water of the sea in front of her, she let out a low sigh.

It has been a year. A year since the massacre was done. A year full of pain. A year with horrible nightmares keeping her company in her restless nights.

She couldn't forgive herself. Even after the sin was committed, the war never ends. The war in her mind. She's still unsure about the decision. She wants to protect her village, but is her clan's death really worth it? Is the safety of her home really cost that much? Does she really have to sacrifice her brother's happiness? Their beautiful childhood? Their bright future? Does his death really is in vain? Does her fight ends here?

I'm sorry... I'm so, so sorry...

If she said that she doesn't hate the elders, she would be lying. She respects them, but she dislikes them with all passion. How come? They always want to finish their problems with the fastest, easiest way, which keep their hands clean, not removing their names from the good books of the outside world. While their pawns, the shinobis, would be nothing but trash, for finishing all the dirty works just due to their loyalty.

And she was one of those shinobis.

She doesn't hate the fact that she's a trash now. Kami, she accepts that title gladly.

She hates the fact that she made one terrible mistake.

Listening to those selfish 'leaders', and ignored her heart.

Haruka scoffed, more at herself, as she kicked herself off the wooden pallets, and stood up. She moved her gaze up to the stars that decorated the night sky.

Shisui... Akari... Ryuu... I failed, didn't I?

She misses them. More than anything.
It's silly. She knows they won't come back. Yet she still stay patient. Waiting for someone to fill the emptiness in herself.

Kisame. That man is the one who understands her the most. He knows how much it hurts to have to kill the ones you love. And he helps her to get through her heartache.

Haruka chuckled softly, as she turned around, and grabbed her cloak, puffing it on. How amusing humans are, thinking over the things they can never change.

"If only... I can turn the time back......."

***

Itachi frowned. It has been a year since the massacre.

He felt... Lonely. Although the one he misses the most is his mother.

Kaa-san... Somehow, his younger self's voice always rang in his mind.

Whenever he entered his apartment, he would whisper a soft 'Tadaima', and in return, he always receive another 'Okaeri' from his beloved mother.

He knew it isn't real, and it just pained him more.

Whenever he walked past the compound, he would hear the voice of the children giggling at each other, and he would see his little running around while laughing, chased by his sister.

Haruka... How dare you?!

Somehow, he always got a reminder about his old family. Everyday. In Konoha, there's always something that drove his thoughts back to his old life.

So he decided to go on countless mission, trying to fill up his mind with his work.

Kakashi helped him. A lot. That Hatake hates Haruka. And Itachi was thankful that he has someone who stays by his side. They were partners in ANBU. They did missions together, and they became more like brothers. They managed to make each other forget about their loss, their pain.

Many people told him not to let his hatred control him. Oh, how much he hates those words. He knows that hatred can drive him into something he would regret, but he couldn't help it.

Those fools... they don't understand my pain.

He was glad that Kakashi is on the same page with him.

Sasuke. Even though Itachi wasn't that close with him, he still miss his little brother. They often trains together, have some eating contest. He wish he can meet him again.

Itachi still wonders, however. How? How can she kill them all? Itachi knows that Haruka wasn't in that good relationship with their father. He knows that she doesn't receive as much love as he got from his-... No, not just from his mother. From everyone.

Itachi knows that he was everyone's favorite. They either ignored Haruka, or despise her.

Hated by the whole compound... That must be hard...

But still, that doesn't give any rights to end their lives.

And he knew that Haruka was a forgiving person. She didn't get mad when he and Sasuke accidentally lost the kunai she lent them. And there were about 25 kunais, all of them are the ones she used on missions. She wasn't mad when they accidentally hit her wounds, or spill milks on her paperworks.

Did Haruka really can't forgive all of them? All the Uchiha members?

Now that Itachi thinks about it, he and Sasuke were the only Uchihas who were close to her. Besides Shisui, but he committed suicide.

And if that's the case, then why did she kill Sasuke? Sasuke is the closest one to her. Sasuke, not Itachi. Why did she spare him? Itachi doesn't want to be a survivor. He prefers to die, to meet with his family.

But he has a village to protect. And a mission to finish.

To kill the demon. Haruka.

Itachi looked up, to realize that it's almost midnight already. He stood up from his kneeling position, staring at the graves in front of him.

Mikoto Uchiha
Fugaku Uchiha
Sasuke Uchiha

He sighed, before he turned away, and walked back towards his empty apartment.

"I promise I'll kill you... Haruka... Even if it costs my own life..."

***

Sasuke stayed silent, watching Deidara experimenting with his bombs. His eyes were on the explosions, but his mind were elsewhere.

Back to Konoha.

He sighed. Today is the first anniversary of his parents' death. It was painful. He still remember Haruka's eyes when she killed all of them. The Sharingan... It's not like Itachi's. He saw it. And Sasuke knows that Haruka's eyes were stronger than the other Uchihas. He can sense it. The way she hold her bloodied katana... He knows that Haruka killed his parents. Haruka killed the whole clan. Sasuke knows that Itachi is alive. That was one thing he's glad for.

Even when Itachi's alive.... he's alone, right? Nii-san, you're alright, aren't you?

Sasuke sighed heavily. Why must everything be so complicated? Ever since... ever since Nee-chan yelled at Tou-san, their life became a mess.

Then everyone dies. Akari-san... Ryuu-san.... Shisui... and then all the Uchihas....

It hurts. He misses the old Haruka. The one that will hug him when he cries, the one that will give him piggyback rides around the house, the one that will sing for him when he has nightmares.

He was very worried. He never told anyone, but he knows that Haruka has a sickness. He doesn't know what kind of sickness, but he heard her often coughing uncontrollably. He wish Haruka told him, so he can find help. Or maybe a cure, even.

Times and times Haruka had told him that she will kill him... and his brother. But Sasuke doesn't understand. Why does his sister want to be the only Uchiha? What's the good in that?

I wish all of this had never happened.

Sasuke actually hates the fact that he's an Uchiha. His father expected too much from him and his older siblings. And he doesn't like the way most people glare at the Uchihas. He doesn't understand why, but they say that the Police Force doesn't help at the Kyuubi attack. What is Kyuubi? Whatever it is, it must be something very bad. Uchihas weren't cowards. There must be other reasons. Maybe that Kyuubi is too strong?

Is this Kyuubi has any connection on why Haruka killed the clan? Sasuke knows that Haruka wouldn't kill the clan just to test her power. She's lying and he knows that. But then why? He needs clues, to find proof. And he can only get clues in Konoha.

Will he come back there? To his old home? If he will, then he wish he can meet Itachi again. Itachi may not be so close with him, but they often train together.

But he still believes. He believes that everything will be alright. When he find the truth, he will make sure that no one thinks his sister is a criminal. No. Haruka is an angel. There must be a good reason of the massacre.

Once he found the proof, he can have a happy, peaceful life, with his Nii-san and his Nee-chan. And he will find that proof. No matter what, he will.

He saw Deidara walked towards him, asking whether he's okay. Sasuke ignored his question, and instead muttered,

"The Uchiha Clan is really cursed, isn't it? We were always destined to suffer. Don't you agree, Nee-chan, Nii-san? "

**************************

There. I just want to write that, all of a sudden.
It's so hard to write Sasuke's thoughts. He's a genius 6 years old boy. I can't imagine his point of view. My favorite is Haruka's. I really want to write that part about the elders. And my favorite line is the last one, Sasuke's words.

I've decided that this story will have a bit of KisaHaru. Not to much romance, of course. But I think Kisame deserves more love. And he's the one who treats Sasuke the kindest. Hidan has his foul mouth, so.... you know what I mean.

Tell me what do you think about this chapter.

By the way, I wrote a new story: Caraphernelia (Minato's Sister - Naruto FanFic)
Please read! Thank you!