FUNCTION DISORDER :: VOLUME ONE

4

Irina Mustonen sat in the dank lowest depths of Sixth Order University, over twenty metres below ground level, at a wooden desk that seemed ancient but was probably just crappy and run-down, opposite a bright-eyed Kaleva, who had just dumped a pile of dusty hardcover books onto it. The pair's desk was surrounded by a claustrophobic labyrinth of densely-arranged bookshelves, constructed of elegant polished hardwood from the Old Country, that towered over the two of them yet still only extended a third of the way to the lofty subterranean ceiling.

"What kinds of demons even have venom, anyway?", Irina asked. "Do they even need it? If I were a demon, I'd fuck you up with hella magic and my eeevil claws!"

"Well, certain subtypes of Type 1, for one – Hellspawned can occasionally have stingers, or fangs, or weird spurs like platypi do.", Kaleva began to explain. He grabbed a book in the middle of the pile, causing the remaining books to slump over, and slapped it down between himself and Irina, already open to the desired page.

"Some Gardeners have poison dripping from their skin. Mostly the green ones.", Kaleva continued, "That's not the same thing though."

Irina leaned over the desk to admire a diagram in the book, a sketch illustrating a stoic froglike person with a wide, distended face and giant eyes, staring out of the page with a peaceful yet heartless expression. The figure had the caption: "TYPE 2 – GARDENER"

"Aren't those super rare and outrageously dangerous? And cute?", Irina asked.

"Yeah, I don't think it's one of them, those haven't reached the Pale Bastion in a looong time, fortunately. And if one were after Usko it would just effortlessly bring the whole building down on his head or something, rather than poisoning him.", Kaleva continued. Finally, his favourite class was useful.

Irina nodded along to Kaleva's words and gave a goofy grin as she admired the crazy pictures of demons in the old book. "You could just look this stuff up online it'd be a lot easier haha."

"And let the Eight Orders know what I'm doing?", Kaleva replied with a soft smile.

"I don't think they'd give a damn, and even if they did they'd just assume you're studying...", Irina responded.

"Alright, fine, the real reason is that these books feel more magical to me, it's just, like, appropriate. Anyway... the vampiric types of demons – that is to say, most of the Midnightkind and Beastkind and maybe a couple weird examples outside those – also technically have venom, that's how they corrupt people and make more of themselves.", concluded Kaleva, flipping the daunting volume to a later chapter. "I hope it's not one of those though. Let's hope it was a Hellspawned that attacked him."

"Are those just more fuuuun?", Irina asked.

"Kinda.", Kaleva began with a small smirk, "Hellspawned venom isn't corrupting, it's just regular poisoning. And, if you get more of the same venom, from the same specific subtype of demon, they can make an antidote out of it. At least, according to what I've learned!"

Irina sat unmoving for a decent half minute before eventually speaking up once again. "So where'd the demon go after that? Has it just been wrecking shit around there ever since?"

Kaleva fell into thought. "Hmmm.", he grunted with a perfectly horizontal mouth.

"Ya know, I got my own theory, and it's UNHINGED!", Irina announced. "What if it was a Blackoutkind? That could easily get into the Bastion undetected, or get summoned into it or something by mistake. It wanders into Usko's building, makes his dad black the hell out so he doesn't remember the attack. Then, it leaves and goes invisible because of the daylight, so the green-robes don't notice it and neither does anyone else."