Fall of the Forsaken (on hold)

chapter 23

– 2 days later–

–Alita–

“Are you sure this is what you want? i know krosa isn't the best option but it's safer than this…” varin questioned as we approached the transport ship as it started up.

“Yes, It's okay varin I'm happy here and I trust these people to keep us safe. It's the whole reason I came here in the first place, remember?” I reassured him.

I could see the concern and uncertainty swirling behind his eyes as he looked between me and the tribe. “but with others of their kind trying to hurt you I just…please come back with us, at least until things have settled down. you can safely give birth on krosa and wait out the conflict until it's over, then you can come back! we can find a way to protect you and the baby from people on krosa without bloodshed and–”

“Varin,” I grabbed his hand, making him look at me. “Going back to Krosa isn't an option for me and you know it, even if it's only temporary. if I go back there to wait out the conflict, nothing will change, things will just repeat once I return. I trust Azriel to keep me safe. He won't let anything happen to us so please don't worry about me.”

varin looked me over before letting out a sigh in defeat and nodding in agreement, although he still seemed reluctant and unsure of the whole thing. He knew arguing about it would do nothing and I wasn't about to change my mind.

xanadis was my home now, I belong here, and I can't leave Azriel's side. no matter what happens to us, this is the choice I've made, this is the path I've taken, now I must see it through till the end, I can't run away whenever conflict arises.

“as long as you're safe and happy then I suppose that's all that matters.” Varin resigned on the subject, but gaze still lingered on Azriels form back near the cavern's entrance. 

“Can I ask you one last thing?” He finally blurted out as his eyes moved back to mine. “If you trust him then why haven't you told him what happened?”

My eyes widened and I quickly averted my gaze feeling guilt and shame clawing at me from the inside. I knew what varin meant without him even going into detail. the night kora gave birth I had snapped at the scientist and ended up running out of the room practically hysterical, pushing Azriel away in the process.

Varin had been the one to come after me and tried to calm me down but with my hormones out of control it was easier said than done. 

The entire time I had been down here I had tried to forget about what happened on Krosa. I hated how the first experiences I had with our baby were ruined by the counsel and science division. I should have been happy and ecstatic about the fact me and Azriel were going to have a family, but instead my experience was overruled by fear and uncertainty. 

At the time I didn't think I'd ever see him again, and the people around me were not the most welcoming when it came to my pregnancy. 

having the man who wanted to use my child as a lab rat– here, only succeeded in stirring up all those unpleasant memories and emotions that had planned me back on krosa. 

I tried to put up a front and ignore him so that I could focus on Kora and help her during her time of need, but the moment he came into their den talking about samples and all that stuff… I couldn't take it.

I refused to let him ruin that moment for them as well.

staring at the ground beneath my feet I fidgeted in place, rubbing my arm. “telling him would do nothing but cause more grief. I've suffered enough with what happened back on krosa, the last thing I want is to worry him and cause more stress when he's already got so much on his plate.”