New Beginnings. wolverine x reader

xvii.

The days had began to blur together as I slowly regained my strength. With each passing day I found myself more mobile, my body not aching as much with every movement. It was nice, being able to move without Logans constant support, despite how much I appreciate everything he's done for me, I'm glad he's able to live more normally. If felt like progress, although there was still this nagging emptiness that clung to me, a void I couldn't quiet fill. I so desperately wanted to feel normal again, to be normal again—at least as much as I could be.

Today I decided to push myself a little more. The idea of sitting in this room, buried under blankets, felt suffocating. I needed to move, to breathe fresh air and be surrounded with something other than just my thoughts.

With some effort, I got dressed and made my way out of the room. My muscles protested every step— but not nearly as bad as before, so I pressed on. As I continued down the hallway, I heard the faint sound of laughter coming from the kitchen— a sound that felt both comforting and distant. It had been days since Id been around the others, I missed their company. Maybe this would help ease the tightness in my chest, even if only just for awhile.

When I rounded the corner into the kitchen, I was greeted by the warm scent of coffee and the sight of Ororo and Jean at the table. Logan leaned against the counter, sipping his own cup of coffee, and his eyes flickered to me the moment I entered.

"Look who decided to join the living," Jean teased lightly, a grin tugging at the corners of her lips.

"Hey," I replied, forcing a smile that felt a bit too tight on my face. I moved to the counter, grabbing a mug and pouring myself some coffee, the routine motions helping me focus on something other than the swirling thoughts in my head.

Ororo gave me a gentle smile, her eyes filled with understanding. "Its good to see you out and about," she said, "how are you feeling?"

I shrugged, trying to sound casual, "Better, I just needed to get moving a bit. I was getting tired of starring at the same four walls," I said with a chuckle.

Logan's gaze lingered on me, concern etched into his features, but he didn't say anything. He didn't say anything, he just nodded, his presence a quiet reassurance as he focused on his coffee. For a moment, I allowed myself to relax into conversation, listening to their banter about training schedules and missions, even adding in a few comments. I had missed this, the back and forth between my friends. I even missed the training, even more now considering how close I'd become with Logan in the last while.

But as much as I wanted to be present, the edges of reality felt frayed. My eyes drifted, snagging onto shadows that weren't truly there. A flicker of movement in the corner of my vision made my breath hitch. It was just the way that the light had hit the cabinets, but in an instant, I was back in that dark room— the crimson glow of the pedestal looming over me and the chains cutting deep into my skin.

I gripped the edge of the counter, trying to ground myself from the memory that was trying to claw its way into my consciousness. Jeans voice suddenly broke through the fog, snapping me back into the present. "Hey, are you ok?" She asked, her brow furrowed in concern.

"Yeah," I quickly lied, forcing a smile. "Just zoned out, that's all."

But the uneasiness didn't fade. It clung to me, making it harder to focus on their words. I tried to push through it, willing myself to stay engaged, to focus. But another flash— this time bringing me back to that suffocating darkness, making my chest tighten. I blinked rapidly, trying to shake the feeling, but it was like I was teetering on the edge of falling back into the nightmare, the amulets phantom pull threatening to pull me down with it.

I couldn't do this. Not now.

The pressure building in my chest was too much. "I think I need to go lay down," I mumbled, moving away from the counter. "Sorry guys I—I'll catch up later."

Ororo and Jean exchanged concerned looks, but didn't argue. Logans gaze followed me as I hurried out of kitchen, the pain in my movements hardly helping me hold back the rising panic.

Once I was alone in the hallway, I took a few shaky breathes, trying to will myself back into control, but it only felt like it was slipping. The memories swirled around me like a storm, merciless and relentless. 

The hallway felt longer than it should've as I made my way back to our room, reached pained step echoed in my mind, and imaged of the chains flashed in my head. The dim light that filtered through the curtains were too bright, too sharp—it all felt wrong, like I was out of sync with everything around me.

As I rounded the corner to Logans room, I heard his footsteps behind me. I didn't turn around, I didn't trust myself to look at him without breaking down.

"(Y/n)," his voice was low, steady—like a lifeline I was desperate to grab hold of, but I was drowning to quickly to reach it. I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping he would just let it go, but of course he didn't.

I felt his hand on my shoulder, the warmth of his touch cutting through the chill that had settled over me. "Talk to me," he urged softly, stepping in front of me, although his touch never leaving. His eyes searched mine, filled with a desperate concern that only made the knot in my chest tighter.

"I'm fine," I choked out, but the tremor in my voice betrayed me.

Logan didn't buy in for a second, and he gently led me back to the room, not giving me a second to argue. I let him, because fighting felt pointless; I didn't have the energy to resist. Once inside, he closed the door behind us and he guided me to the bed, sitting beside me with a gentlesness that contrasted the desperate strength in his grip.

"Look at me," he said quietly, leaning down so his eyes met mine. "You're not fine, and that's okay. You don't have to pretend."

His words hit me harder than I expected, and I felt something crack inside me. My hands trembled as I clutched the edge of the blanket, my eyes staring down at them as if they held the answers. "I just wanted to be normal for awhile," I whispered, my voice barely audible. "But I can't—every time I try, its like I'm back there, and I can't breathe."

Logans hand covered mine, his other reaching the rest on the small of my back, grounding me. "It's gonna take time, you can't just push through this like nothin' happened."

"I know, but I can't stand feeling this way," I admitted, tears stinging in the corners of my eyes. "Every time I think I'm ok, it all comes rushing back and I feel like I'm drowning."

He squeezed my hand, his thumb gently brushing over my knuckles. "You don't have to go through this alone. I'm here and so are the others, don't shut us out."

The sincerity in his voice was undeniable, but the guilt gnawed at me all the same. "I just— I don't want to drag everyone down with me," I muttered, looking away.

Logan sighed, the sound heavy with frustration and worry. He moved his hand to gently grip my chin, guiding me to look back at him. "You're not draggin' anyone down. We care about you, darlin'. But you've got to stop tryin' to handle this on your own."

I didn't respond. The weight of his words clashed with the turmoil inside me, and I felt the urge to retreat—to pull away before I made things worse. I forced a nod, even though the tears that welled up in my eyes began to spill over. His gaze softened, and with a tenderness that made my chest ache, he brushed his thumb over my cheek, wiping away the tears.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," he soothed, his voice gentle as he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me against him. I melted into the warmth of his embrace, my face buried in his chest as he rested his chin atop my head. "You're strong, alright? We'll get through this. I promise."

I clung to him, letting the steady rhythm of his heartbeat calm the storm raging inside me. His presence was like an anchor, holding me steady as the waves of fear and doubt crashed down. For a moment, it felt like I could breathe again.

But even as I let myself be comforted, a part of me was already retreating, building up walls I wasn't sure I could tear down. Because as much as I wanted to lean on him, on all of them, the fear of dragging them into my darkness felt suffocating.

--

a/n

hey pookies sorry this is hella late. busy weekend, monday i was too exhausted and yesterday i broke up with my bf whoospie. anyways, next one will be the last recovery episode, yayyyy. then some intensity for y'all. 

see ya next time!

-hazy