Yet Not I

Fallin'

"Arabella, is everything alright? You haven't spoken a word since you got home."

Arabella glanced up at her father who stared at her from across the table. She realized she had been staring into space, letting her food grow cold. "I'm sorry, Papa, did you say something?"

Her father frowned at her. "You've been staring at the wall for at least ten minutes. Is there something on your mind?"

Arabella flushed as she shoved a bite of steamed broccoli into her mouth. "Sorry, Papa, just, um-"

  The door to the dining room swung open, revealing Agnes, their upstairs maid, who held a large tray aloft. Arabella sighed in relief as her father turned his attention to the maid. "The dessert looks amazing today, Agnes."

  Agnes blushed with pleasure at the praise. She bobbed a curtsie then left the room, promising to bring a refreshing lemonade back with her.

  Arabella dropped her fork onto her plate. "Papa, may I retire to my room. I'm not hungry."

  Mr, Montgomery's frown deepened. "I hope you're feeling well. I told you this heat might make you ill."

  Arabella shook her head. "No, Papa, I'm quite well. Don't worry."

  After giving his permission her papa returned to his dessert and she left the dining room. As she walked down the hallway leading to the stairs, she tried to keep Crutchie's face from her mind. But it was impossible. His smile constantly invaded her thoughts, making her smile at the most inconvenient times. She rubbed her temples, realizing she was beginning to get a headache.

  Closing her bedroom door behind her, she sighed long and deep. She missed him. But how could that be? She didn't know him that well. And she'd only seen him once. She was being ridiculous.

She shuffled to the large double doors leading to the small balcony outside her bedroom. Leaning her body against the white railing surrounding the balcony, she stared out across the street. People still killed about even though it was late evening. Street children scurried here and there, almost too quick for Arabella's eyes. Glumly she looked at the sky, wondering just how beautiful it really was. She could only see a few of the colors in the evening sky.

Being colorblind hadn't really bothered Arabella. At least when she didn't think about it. But when she saw flowers or the sunsets, she wished desperately that she could see all the beautiful hues and shades.

She often asked her father what certain colors looked like. He would shake his head and tell her they looked just like they were. She was always disappointed by his half hearted attempt at bringing a color to life. He would always finish his rendition by telling her that her mother had been color blind too.

Her mother. This was another subject she'd often bring up. Even though her father's wife had died soon after they were married, he told her that after she passed that he adopted her from a foundling hospital downtown.

  He always said that he'd never met her mother personally, only heard her name a couple times. Aoife he'd said it was. She had left Arabella there soon after she was born, then left, never to return.

  Arabella had always wondered if her mother had just abandoned her or if she had been so poor she couldn't afford to care for her. Either way, she had never felt hate towards Aoife, only a longing to meet her. Having grown up without a mother, she often felt misunderstood, especially by her father, who had no idea what being a woman was like.

  Arabella glanced down to the street below, suddenly hearing voices. She saw three boys standing beneath her balcony talking. One of them was tall and wore a cowboy hat. She recognized the other one from Sheepshead Bay Races that she'd gone to with her father a couple of times. He was a little shorter than the guy with the cowboy hat, but he was lanky and possessed a confident posture. But it was the third boy that had caught her attention. It was Crutchie, with a few papers still under his arm. He was talking to the taller boy, motioning with his hands. Arabella cupped her ear to listen.

  "...and I's thought that since I was a crip that maybe I's could sell more papes today in a differ'nt spot 'an normal. But I's guess no one cares 'ese days."

  Cowboy reached and out to put an arm around Crutchie's shoulders. "Hey, Crutchie, don't let it get to you's. Mr. Hoffman'll give you back your money's worth."

  The other guy patted Crutchie on the back. "Ah, Crutchie, you're just as good as the rest of us. Just 'cause you didn't sell all your papes, don't mean you's failed." He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a cigar, sticking it in his mouth. He lighted it and the smoke drifted up to her, making Arabella wrinkle her nose.

  Crutchie nodded. "I guess you's right, Racetrack."

  Racetrack pulled the cigar out of his mouth and boped Crutchie in the shoulder. "Of course, I'm right. I'm always right."

  Cowboy made a scoffing noise and he flicked Racetrack in the head. "Oh, shut up, you's never right."

  Racetrack fixed his hat. "Hey, just 'cause I lost the bet at Sheepshead today, don't brand me for life, Jack. It was the dumb horse's fault. He coulda won iffen he had tried harder."

  Arabella smiled at their banter. Then Crutchie spoke.

  "I met a goil today."

  Both Jack and Racetrack grabbed one of Crutchie's shoulders.

"No, ya didn't." Jack said. He sounded excited. "Was she pretty?"

  "She was very pretty!" Crutchie answered. "And nice."

  "But was she only nice to ya 'cause ya's a crip?" Racetrack asked.

  Arabella crossed her arms. Excuse me, I was not nice to him just because he is a cripple. She sniffed at the idea.

  Racetrack suddenly looked up. His eyes locked with hers. She froze realizing she had been caught. Before the other two could follow Racetrack's gaze, she pushed away from the railing and fell on her rear, closing her eyes in embarrassment. She hoped Racetrack wouldn't say anything about seeing her.

  When she heard nothing for about five minutes, she dared a peek over the railing. They were gone. Thank goodness!

She took a deep breath. She couldn't believe she had been able to see Crutchie again. But his sadness weighed on her heart. That night she said a prayer for him.

Please tell me if the story is too slow or boring 😊