WHY DO YOU LOVE ME? - riki

✧ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 32 - ɢᴏɴᴇ ✧

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𝗖𝗛𝗔𝗣𝗧𝗘𝗥 𝟯𝟮 - 𝗚𝗢𝗡𝗘

Riki wouldn't leave my side at all, he was everywhere I was and as much as I wanted to say that it annoyed me, it didn't. I really appreciated him being there because it kept me from breaking down. I had been waiting for an opportunity to go to Jeju and when Riki went to go and visit Konon for a few hours I knew that was my chance.

I quickly packed my bags and bought a ticket for the next flight to Jeju. Tears were streaming down my face as I rushed through Seoul to get to the airport. I didn't want to die, I really didn't. Riki had been the best thing to ever happen to me and now I had to let him go. I wanted to protect him more than anything.

"Where are you off to?"

"Jeju."

"Okay, please take that path down there maam, thank you."

"Thanks."

Once I'd gotten into the plane I ripped off my bracelet. The thing that kept the both of us connected. What had bonded us in the first place. I ripped it off and tucked it into my pocket before plugging in my earphones and closing my eyes. I didn't know what to do. What would it feel like when I died. Would it hurt? I didn't really want to find out. 

-

𝙍𝙄𝙆𝙄 𝙋𝙊𝙑 -

"Konon she's gone. Please tell me. Where is she?"

"I don't know."

"Yes you do."

"You just don't want to say anything because you want me to be tortured forever. She's going to die without me there, she doesn't deserve that."

"Doom be silent. I don't know her whereabouts. Regardless I cannot help you, fate has decided. No being can change that."

"You can."

"I can't. You can't do anything. She is destined to die she must die."

"No."

"She's nothing. Just a mere human. An insignificant speck of being to you, yet you want to give your whole world up for her."

"She is everything... to me. I would let the world burn for her. She saved me from myself."

"No, you must let the circle of life take it's place. You cannot change fate."

-

The silence in the apartment was deafening, and every second that ticked by felt like an eternity. I paced the living room, my heart pounding so hard it felt like it might shatter my ribs. She wasn't answering her phone. She wasn't replying to messages. Hwayoung was gone, and I had no idea where she was.

Fear clawed at my chest, rising like a tidal wave that I couldn't escape. I tried to tell myself to stay calm, to think logically, but how could I? She was out there somewhere, and I didn't know if she was safe. My mind churned with every worst-case scenario imaginable. What if something had happened to her? What if she was lying in a hospital bed or worse, and I wasn't there for her?

I rubbed my hands over my face, trying to focus, but it was impossible. I couldn't shake the thought that this was my fault. I should've been paying more attention. I should've noticed if she was upset, should've stopped her from leaving—if she even planned to leave. Hwayoung wasn't the type to just vanish without a word. Was she? I thought I knew her, but now I wasn't so sure. And that uncertainty was killing me.

I couldn't lose her. The very idea of it made my throat tighten and my stomach twist in knots. She wasn't just someone I cared about—she was my second chance, my reason to believe that maybe I wasn't entirely the monster I had been in another life. Without her, who was I? Just someone filled with guilt and regret, someone doomed to be haunted by his mistakes. But with her, there was hope. There was a reason to try.

I grabbed my phone again, dialing her number for what must've been the hundredth time that night. Each ring felt like a needle pricking my skin, the sound taunting me with the fact that she wasn't there to answer. "Pick up," I whispered, my voice cracking. "Please, Hwayoung. Just pick up."

The call went to voicemail. Again.

I slammed the phone down onto the couch, burying my face in my hands. My thoughts spiraled, uncontrollable. What if this was it? What if I had already lost her? The cancer was already this looming threat, something neither of us could fully control. But this—her disappearing—this was different. This was immediate. Tangible. And I couldn't do a damn thing about it.

The guilt was unbearable. Had I pushed her away somehow? I tried to be there for her, to show her that I cared, but what if it hadn't been enough? What if she felt like she couldn't rely on me? Or worse, what if she'd decided she didn't want me around at all?

The thought stung more than I wanted to admit. But as much as it hurt, it was nothing compared to the fear. The absolute, bone-deep terror of losing her. It wasn't just about the second chance I felt we had been given—it was about her. Her smile, her laugh, the way she always seemed to find light even in the darkest moments.

I couldn't lose her. Not now, not ever. I'd already made that mistake once, and it had haunted me through lifetimes. I couldn't let it happen again.

I had to find her. I didn't know where she was or why she'd gone, but I couldn't just sit here and do nothing. Hwayoung was out there, and I was going to bring her back. No matter what it took.

I looked around her little apartment and noticed a postcard stuck to her fridge.

"A TRIP TO JEJU CAN ALWAYS HEAL YOU!"

Jeju.

- 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝟕 -

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AUTHOR:

listening to bruno mars fun songs whilst writing this lmaooo

anyways this book is nearly overrrr

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