Not Into You; Changjin

230918

TW: Mentions of S3lf H@rm
Hyunjin
--

     Shit, why'd I drink so much last night? After Seungmin went to bed, I was talking to Lix. He kept getting shots, so I took them from him. Soju's fucking nasty.

     Ugh, I try to roll off my bed, but end up rolling into someone. When I open my eyes, Felix is sleeping shirtless next to me. What the fuck happened after the shots? I don't remember shit.

     "Morning," he mumbles, "Sleep well?"

     "Did we?"

     He nods, "I don't remember, but my ass does."

     "Does it hurt?"

     "A bit."

     "Sorry, I just... I'm not good at controlling myself once I get going."

     "Can you shut up?" a voice calls, "You were loud enough last night; you don't have to keep me up this morning too."

     "Shit, I'm sorry, Minho," I sigh, "I--"

     "I get it, just let me sleep," the sound of blankets rustling as he tries to fall back asleep.

     I look at my watch. It's 10:26. I missed my morning class. Of course, I did.

     "Do you have class?" I whisper.

     Lix shakes his head, "I missed mine."

     "Sorry."

     "It's not your fault. Besides, you helped me out. I feel a lot better about Lissa back home."

     "You have a girlfriend?!"

     "Shut up!" Lee calls again from his bed.

     "Sorry," Lix replies, then whispering again, "Not since last Saturday."

     "Oh, I'm sorry."

     "It's fine. I know that now. I can keep living without her. I guess she realized that too after I moved here."

     "Do you need a hug?"

     He shakes his head, "Don't need one, but I wouldn't refuse one."

     I pull him into my arms, "Here."

     Our peace is ruined by some pint-sized muscle-head basically breaking down the dorm.

     "I'm home, jagi."

     Minho gets out of bed, "Can't have a moment of peace today. May as well get up. Have a nice night, Bin?"

     "Yeah, thanks for asking," he sees us lying on the bed, "A really nice night. Spent it with Haneul."

     "Kim Haneul?" Minho asks as he changes, "Isn't she like... A woman?"

     "Yes, and?"

     "I was not getting those vibes from you at all."

     "What do you mean?"

     "No, it's nothing. Just that I thought you liked guys," he looks at me.

     "I dunno what you're talking about, but nope," Bin shakes his head, "very much interested in women."

     Minho nods slowly, "Okay..."

     I get out of bed, and grab a towel and a change of clothes for a shower. As I walk to this hall's bathroom, I pull some music up on my phone. Nothing crazy, but enough to keep my mind from racing. Yesterday was fun, but it really wasn't. I'm glad Felix was there, though. I'm just confused about how Changbin was acting. I've never seen him like that. He seemed upset this morning. That's not how you usually respond to a night of great sex. But, he was wasted as hell, so he's probably just hungover and cranky.

     I run my hands through my hair as I rinse it out. It's been a year and a half since I cut it off. It's been a year and a half since I last touched a razor for anything other than my stubble. It's sort of a fresh start for me, a new beginning. Showers are the hardest cause there's no one watching to tell me not to do it. There's nothing stopping me except myself. And, I guess, I really don't wanna go back there. My hair is kinda a reminder of how long I've been clean. Physical evidence that I can watch grow.

     I grab my towel and dry myself off, leaving it wrapped around the aforementioned hair. Then, I grab my clothes from the chair outside the shower and struggle into them without taking off my slides. If you think I'm gonna let my bare feet touch this dirty ass shower floor, you're wrong. I don't want that kind of infection. Disgusting.

     When I get back to the dorm, Bin is sitting at his desk, his head in his hands.

     I walk up behind him, "You alright, Binnie?"

     "Hmm?" he jerks his head up, "Yeah, I think so. Just tired."

     I attempt a reassuring smile as I remember when I would say that. I give his shoulders a little squeeze, "Hope you get some rest soon."

     "Jinnie?"

     "Yeah?"

     "Can you let me know beforehand if you ever cut your hair. I'll need time to mourn. It looks really good long."

     "I mean," I smile, a little tint of red appears on my cheeks, "I guess so. Hopefully, you don't have to worry about that for a while. The most I would do is get it trimmed, unless something crazy happens."

     "Can you two stop flirting?" Minho asks from on his bed, "It's making me feel lonely."

     "I wasn't flirting," a red deeper than the one on my face covers Changbin's, "Am I not allowed to compliment someone?"

     "You didn't add no-homo afterwards. Furthermore, you aren't even wearing socks."

     He scowls, "Oh, so that means I'm gay?"

     "One doesn't have to be gay to flirt with a man, Bin. One doesn't even have to be gay to be attracted to a man."

     "I'm not–" he covers his face, "I'm not attracted to a man!"

     "I never said you were. I was just bringing bisexual and pansexual awareness."

     He slumps over onto his desk, "Right."

     "It's okay, Bin," I pat his back, "I believe you. He was just messing with you."

     I shoot Min a disapproving look as he grins away, clearly proud of his own actions. Guess, he's gotta be proud as a raging homosexual.