"I did not have sexual relations with that woman."
-
The first time Don Whittaker heard those infamous words was on January 26th, 1998, when then president Bill Clinton went on national television to deliver his verbal rejection of the notion that a...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
"You can talk like that to your coworker?" Dylan had asked me shortly after I got off the phone.
"Not my coworker," I replied, "my arch nemesis." I clicked print on my laptop for the document titled Work From Home 2024, sending it to the printer in my office, before my body stilled a moment.
I then looked up from my laptop screen to Dylan who was currently sitting across from me at the dining table eating the leftovers of the peppers from this morning, before I quickly added "only I can use those words though. Matter fact, I want you to erase every bad word I just said on that call from your memory."
Dylan looked at me questioningly. "How do I do that?"
I shrugged. "You're a smart kid. You'll figure it out."
And that was where we left things. Dylan enjoying his food as I stood to go get myself one massive glass of wine. Dylan had asked if he could have some grape juice too. I told him I was really drinking blood, to which he got immediately interested in. Too interested.
That forced me to explain to this ten year old what the hell liquor really was. Once I was through my third horror drinking story from the crypt, Dylan got the message and stuck to the lemonade I poured for him.
The rest of the week was spent with me building that resentment towards Carson. Of all the things I really didn't need right now, the pitch black void that was his personality made the very top of the list.
He had pissed me off with that phone call so heavily, I was already planning the ways I could inconvenience him when returning this form.
And for a man who took pride in how lethal of a get back I could perform, you can imagine my irritation when Saturday morning finally rolled around and I still didn't have anything worthy to show for myself. After getting both Dylan and I up, making breakfast, and getting us changed, I anticipated that the day would flow as follows:
Back to School shopping, dropping off this stupid form at the office, and looking at twin size beds.
After having spent a full work week on the couch, I soon determined that my office space would have to move. I needed a place for Dylan to sleep cause I needed my bed back, and I needed it back desperately. Otherwise the weekly trips to the chiropractor was actually going to put a dent in what should otherwise be a bottomless wallet.
Instead, hope came to me at around noon, and in the form of a text.
It read as follows:
I'll be at Lola's in five. Can't wait to see you again ♡
I was sitting at a red light with Dylan when that message came through.
At first I was confused, swiping down on the car dashboard's lit touchscreen to open my notifications bar fully.
